Author's Note:

Before you decide to read ahead at the stories I have posted, a warning: I am a very self-indulgent, self-insert author. In fact, 99.9% of my fics include my self-insert and I'm proud of it. So, if you feel like you can endure it, please proceed!

But please remember: this and every other story that I have written was produced out of pure boredom/fun/crack or just because I felt like it. Therefore, it is NOT perfect. I am not a professional. I cannot guarantee that the grammar is spot on or that you'll enjoy it. But if you decide to stick around for the ride? I appreciate it. But I am, (repeat I am) an amateur writer.

I do hope however; I can entertain you for a couple of hours and maybe get a laugh or two outta ya? I really appreciate all the support you all have given me over the years and I'll continue to try and update when I can.

So, thanks! Thanks a bundle!

ALSO

I do not own any part of Gravity Falls. Just the characters, Heather and Rye Matthews.

Much Love.

"Sibling relationships are complicated. All family relationships are. Look at Hamlet."-Maurice Saatchi.

Only Child Syndrome

Act One

She waltzed down the hall with the same usual pep she'd perfected when she was in a decent mood. Why she was in a good mood she wasn't sure, maybe (just maybe!) it had something to do with the most awesome night she'd had six hours earlier! Awake nearly all night, watching terrible horror flicks, studying up on her cryptozoology, and spending her time with the people that meant the most to her? Damn straight she was gonna have a good time.

Still in her pajamas her steps only slowed when the smell of fried egg sandwiches hit her senses. Ah Stan's cooking! If there was one thing the old geezer could cook and cook well, it was fried egg sandwiches. He had a certain talent for frying the bottom of the egg white to a golden delicious crisp while the yolk with still a tad on the runny side. Then to slap the whole thing on an English muffin paired along with a sausage patty and slice of Kraft cheese? Perfection.

He'd better made one for everyone!

"Smell that?"

Heather flinched at the sound of her older sister's voice. The younger of the two females glanced over her shoulder to see the shorter woman with a large smile on her face. Not to mention the certain all too familiar glow of her skin that made Heather grimace. Ew, that couldn't be that 'glow' a woman gets when she's 'in love', was it? That probably meant that she and Stan…

Ugh!

"You look happy." Heather's eyebrows drooped.

"Oh, I am."

"Gross!" The urge to gag made the paranormal investigator slap her right hand to her lips. "It was already safe to assume that you two… you know, did the 'deed' but to have you admit it and say you liked it is just disgusting."

"Thank you!" The usual sarcastic thanks was enough to bring a smile back to the taller Matthews sister's face.

"I'm not saying you're disgusting," She corrected herself. "I'm just saying what you do is disgusting. Especially with him." Again Heather shuddered.

"What's wrong with Stan?" Rye's bottom lip grew heavy and dropped with her eyes presented a nasty glare.

"He's like the brother I never had." The girl with the pixie hair cut shrugged her shoulders, "And you being my sister, it's gross."

"Grosser than thinking about mom and dad?"

"Nah, not that gross. At least I'm cheering you on at some point, 'cause you're my bestie."

"Ah well." Rye rolled her eyes in a rather playful manner and took the lead, walking ahead of her sister and entering the kitchen area of the Mystery Shack.

Was it weird that Stan and Rye were a semi-official item at this point? After all they'd gone through together as best friends now it was something else? Hell, she was aware at some degree that Rye had feelings for the older man but nothing seemed as official as it was now. Heaven knew how long it had been since the two were first intimate, not that she wanted to know anyway. But they sure had gotten stronger as a couple (whether it be best friends or lovers) in the last six months or so.

It wasn't a bad thing by any means, although when Rye first professed Stan as her new best friend (other than her of course) Hea was totes jealous. Of course she would be! After all, she and Rye had been thick as thieves since she was born. And to have this man to come along and change things, in what seemed like an instant, was kinda hard to deal with. At least in the beginning it was.

But things changed for the better relatively quick. Stan, who at the time Heather declared as an enemy, welcomed her into his home with open arms. Even though he had an odd ways of showing it sometimes, he made every effort possible to treat her as one of his own.

He went to every extend to make sure she was at least satisfied with him as a potential mate for her sister. Hell, she was pretty sure that he even went as far as to brownnose her because he loved Rye so much. In the end, he wanted her approval because he cared for Rye. And she had to respect that.

He had never done anything in great amounts to offender her. So why not give him a shot?

Besides the more she got to know him, the more she found out they had a lot of things in common. Like for example…their love for money. That was for sure, something they became besties in their own way with.

He was now a part of her family.

But that didn't mean that it didn't make it any less gross that he and her sister were mackin' and doing the mattress mambo every other night. Even if they did keep their romps pretty private.

Following after the one person she cared about more than any other, Heather entered the dining area only to find Stan still standing (or slouching rather) at the stove. Rye arrived at the conman's side and once within distance, he turned to her and smiled. She did the same and in that instant they looked, seemed…perfect for each other.

How could two people be such good friends and lovers at the same time? Was that kind of thing even possible? Sure, she had heard from her mother, beginning at a younger age, that she and her father were first best friends before they started any kind of relationship let alone a marriage. But that kind of stuff wasn't real.

Was it?

In this moment in time, by the way they were looking at one another…it had to be true. The way Rye came out of his room in the mornings with her strange and gross loving 'glow' and the way he laughed at almost everything she said. It was more than lovers just making due on what their bodies wanted.

And while she had seen her mom and dad share these types of moments, those were just that; moments between a mom and dad. Something that was supposed to happen. But isn't that how everything or a family started? Did this mean at some point her mom and dad acted this way around another?

Ew, don't go there.

But for some odd reason, this seemed so much more pure. Sure, it was given that the two, Rye and Stan, shared some rather arousing and naughty instants together this just appeared so romantic. Was it an equivalent to the princess movies and stories she heard before childhood bedtimes? No.

No, because it was so much more than that.

Because no amount of 'love at first sights' or 'spell-breaking kisses' could amount to just the simple smile that they shared. They were just so solely meant to be.

"Do we have to have the goo-goo eyes before breakfast?"

And add in Ford to shatter the moment.

Ah Ford, while so attractive he was a total jerkhole. Could she honestly say things had changed since his time being back in this reality? Kinda. In some ways the whole house had been flipped upside down and in others, things were just as crazy as always.

Example A: Having Stanford back made Stanley, for a short period time anyway, a tad more sensitive. More delicate to what his brother had to say and did. They fought (like every set of siblings let alone twins) and with explosive results when they needed venting. And God knew that the two had too many unresolved issues to work out with one another.

Did that mean that Stanley had his moments when he was less the man that Rye loved? Probably not but that didn't mean they squabbled about things on rare occasions.

And that of course lead to a clear example B: sure, Rye and Stan had moments in which their relationship appeared a lot less fairytale-like but in the end, when it really mattered, they knew they could trust one another. The day that Stan told Rye all about what had happened in his past with his brother they came out even stronger.

He was sure that she would have some reservations for whatever reason maybe/probably because he 'lied', if you can call it a 'lie', about his past and who he was. But if there was ever anyone who could understand what it was like to have a sibling to take care of, even if it meant lying to the world, it was Rye. Was she upset at the idea that Stan was a twin? Maybe but upset probably wasn't the best word to describe it.

Shocked had to be a better defining word.

To know that he had been suffering for so long, probably crushed her heart and made her want to be even closer to him. To comfort him as a lover, best friend and overall human being. Rye had never come close to losing a sibling whether it be her or Ailea but just the idea and the rank as older sister had to have some kind of impact on how she felt.

To lose a sibling…especially when part of it was Stan's fault. It had to be devastating.

And this went without mentioning that the moment Stanford arrived back to this dimension he was pretty much being an ungrateful dick. That didn't help anyone feel better about anything, especially when Stanley was so sensitive about the subject.

"You give me my house back, you give me my name back, you give me my life back!"

Even though Stan was more like the annoying older brother she'd never had, he did not deserve that kind of attack. He at least, in the very least deserved a hug.

"I'm surprised you're even up at this hour, seeing as how late you two were up last night." Ford's voice once again broke any concentration Heather had invested in.

"We all partied last night." Rye said, finally breaking away from her lover but not before sending him a wink in the process.

"It just so happens that I heard the 'party' you two had." Not missing any kind of beat, Ford sported a rather cute pout before going for a hit of coffee that sat in a mug several inches away from his right hand. "I can safely say it was not appreciated."

"It's not like I could help it," With a wide proud grin, Stan moved away from the stove, cast iron pan in his mitten-covered hand. "You know how Rye gets."

Cue the point where both man and woman laugh at their own disgusting private moments being brought to light and more embarrassingly enough, at the kitchen table.

"I would appreciate it," Ford spoke after clearing his throat of the steaming coffee he'd just swallowed. "If you two kept it down when you decide to…" He physically shuddered, "Become intimate."

Hm, not a terrible request seeing as she was pretty grossed out by the whole thing too. Then again she was pretty used to it at this point.

"Or maybe you could just not do that kind of thing in my house at all!" And there went the being considerate and polite about things.

"I live here too," Stan frowned as he moved to the counter and slipped the fried egg from the pan to one half of a toasted English muffin. "I think you forget that I've been paying the mortgage here, I have just as much right—"

"This is my house!"

"Who's been doing the upkeep since you've been gone, huh? Look at this place; it's like a bachelor's castle! A one of a kind mancave and all thanks to yours truly." Stan appeared confident in what he was saying but was it a front?

"One, you aren't a bachelor and two, I wouldn't have had you do the upkeep if it weren't for what you did!" Ford shot a pair of deadly daggers at his brother's back.

Yeah but if it wasn't for Stan, you wouldn't be here. Sure, she could think that all she wanted but saying it out loud was something different. She knew that Rye was thinking the exact same thing, why wasn't she saying anything?

But instead she remained silent and took a seat away from Ford.

"Yeah, yeah." Stan topped the sandwich with a heated sausage patty and slice of processed cheese.

"That does bring up something else I've been meaning to talk to the both of you about." What could this possibly be about?

And what was she, chopped fucking liver? A fucking fly on the wall?! She wasn't invisible, wasn't someone anyone going to bring her into this conversation?! Ugh! Might as well keep her mouth shut for now to see what this whole mess was about. After all, it could be considered rude to just intrude on their convo.

As things continued without her help in the eating area, Heather shifted her weight to her left leg and crossed her arms over her bust. She might look like she had an attitude problem but hey, that's what they get for leaving her out.

"Shoot." Rye placed her chin over the back of her palm and added her weight to the bent elbow supported by the shabby table.

"I've noticed that you've been staying here for a number of days now," Ford also placed his two elbows to the wooden surface and interlocked his fingers. "And while you might run a bed and breakfast, I don't."

What was that about?! Just what was he getting to?

"I'm thinking that if you would like to continue to stay here that you might as well contribute to the household." His thick gray eyebrows leveled out over his eyes and chin rested just above his hands. "What I'm saying is, I think it's about time you start paying some kind of rent."

WHAT?!

Instead of any kind of jump to anger or even sign of utter shock, all Rye's response to his statement was a pair of cocked brows. Sure there had to have been a million and a half things running through her noggin but her face wore nothing about what she was really thinking. Why wasn't she responding?

The only time the older woman moved more than an inch was when her lover appeared at her left, plate in hand. With a near perfect fried egg sandwich set in the center, an array of crispy hash browns laid piled high at the right of the platter, the steam from the food just wafting into the chilly morning air.

"Sure." She finally responded, pulling her hands from her face and presenting her 'brother in-law' a smile. "If that's what it takes, I'm more than willing to pay."

W-what?! No way!

"Hell," She gave a single shrug of her shoulders, "If you want, I'll pay for both of us. Stan and I."

The urge to faint nearly knocked the silent girl off her feet.

"I got it." Using his free hand to lift his index finger into the air, Stan chimed in. "How about this to make things simple. I'll pay her half and she can pay mine."

Ford narrowed his eyes and cocked a thick eyebrow himself. "That…actually makes thing unnecessarily complicated. I just want rent from everyone who stays here for more than three days a week. I don't care how you two work it out."

"Fine." Rye gave a nod of her chin, "I'm happy to pay to get the D."

"Same here," Stan paused and quickly recovered, "I mean not the D but you know. If that's what it takes and if it'll keep you from complaining all the time."

"Agreed." Ford gave a single nod of his head. "Wait, did you just refer to Stan's…"

"Either way, you'll get what you want." Rye was quick to interject, silencing the older man from continuing on and bringing up the subject of 'the D' again.

Ford gave a small shiver, probably trying to shake off the idea of his brother and a younger woman getting it on. "I'm glad we could all agree without an argument."

Wait a fucking minute. Was everyone just going to ignore the fact that she was standing there? Arms crossed, pout activated and jaw clenched? What about what she had to say about this situation. Number one (and most important) being that how dare he charge Rye for just hanging around the house! It wasn't like she was uninvited or even living in the damn house! It was downright disrespectful.

Sure, Rye was not Ford's favorite person by any means. In fact when they first met, Ford was the first to say that Rye was way too young for someone Stan's age. He shot her glare that topped any she'd seen before, almost like she was walking in on a position where no one wanted her, when it was just the opposite! Stan wanted, loved Rye and it was his right to her if they both agreed. It wasn't like she was a prisoner or underage.

And that all went without mentioning that she was totally left out of this mess! They couldn't just ignore her! She wouldn't let them! She was just a much part of this household as Rye! After all, it was her that introduced Rye and Stan in the first place! Shit, she visited in the house more than three days a week; she should be charged rent too!

"Hey!" Ripping her arms away from her chest, Heather slammed her hands down at her sides and barked loud enough to get everyone's attention. "You think you can just go and do that, say that?! How could you?"

The room fell silent. Ford stared back at her almost as if he didn't know she was talking to him. He looked at her with his lips parted in the slightest and his brows arched to the top of his forehead. She was looking right at the jerk, how could he not know she was addressing him?

"And just…who are you speaking to?"

"YOU!"

"Oh, what was that again?"

Hea's right arm shot up from her side, her palm slapping the area just above her brow bone. "Rye is practically family and you want to charge her rent just for spending a couple nights a week here? That's so cold!"

"I think it's pretty reasonable." Ford answered, hardly giving her a moment to finish her sentence. "She is eating our food, using our electricity and…my brother for that matter."

"All of this is true." Rye spoke out in a rather peppy tone, just as Stan placed the plate down in front of her, being sure to feed his lover first. "Thanks babe." She then shot another loving smile at the man she'd given everything to.

"Not a problem, toots." Stan whirled around on his heel and went back to his work at the stove, no doubt making the second of the four sandwiches of the morning.

"You don't get it! It's wrong!"

"Hea," Before even touching her food, Rye looked toward the younger Matthews' sister and softened her voice. "What's this really about?"

And just what was that supposed to mean?! Not being able to catch herself in time or control it, a bright red flush broke out across her face. It wasn't like she had some kind of hidden agenda; she was saying how she felt, honestly! This wasn't about her being completely left out and ignored by the people who were supposed to spoil her rotten.

Nope, not about that at all!

"I just said what it's about!" She snapped as the sound of more eggs hissing away in the skillet drowned out her protesting.

Rye leaned in toward the taller girl, "Hea."

"Okay, so maybe I'm mad that you're all ignoring me! Am I not standing here? No one even acknowledges me!" More blood rushed to her cheeks, the truth always tasting more bitter than she could ever remember.

"Wait," Ford lifted his hand into the air, preventing her from saying anything further, for the moment anyhow. "You want me to charge you rent?"

Did that have to be answered in a 'yes' or 'no' fashion? Couldn't she say 'kinda'? Because the thought of having to shell out more money to just visit family was ridiculous but the idea of being left out wasn't fun either. If she had to pay a few extra bucks to get attention…more of Ford's attention then she would be willing to pay it.

"No, of course not!" She went with her first gut instinct because the idea of spending money on anything made her stomach roll.

"Then why are you complaining? I thought of all people, you would appreciate it if I didn't hand you a bill."

"But that's not fair!" Her head shrunk between her shoulders. "You can't just ignore me! I want the same treatment as everyone else!"

"So you want me to charge you rent." He repeated his last question, this time around as a statement rather than a question.

"No, I just want to be included!" She shouted again, was he not listening. "Why should I have to pay anything when I don't stay here as often as Rye?!"

"I'm not following."

"UGH!" Her arms shot up to the sky. "You never talk to me, just to Rye and Stan!" Her tear ducts burned as if she were on the edge of crying. "I just want…"

Her whole body ignited with fear with a slight hint of embarrassment. If she had to say it out loud and tell him that she was secretly lonely and in need of his attention, then it wasn't worth it. Because then every time afterward his affection toward her would be…forced. And that wasn't what she wanted. She wanted something natural. Something similar to—

Her aching eyes moved away from Stanford and over to Rye and Stanley, both of who were now staring at her with two sets of wide eyes. Agh God, now she just looked like a lunatic. Was there a point in talking anymore? It wasn't like someone as dense as Ford would get something so personal.

In the end all she really wanted to be loved by someone that she loved. Could that person be Ford? Sure she had feelings for the man who seemed so socially stunted but how could it possibly go any further if he wasn't willing to listen?

"Just forget it!" Without giving the man she'd grown so fond of another look, she spun around and made a dash for the front door.

She needed fresh air. Sure, she had nowhere else to go but hell the front porch was a much better place than that stuffy kitchen.