I knew I should never have said it. How could I have called her a Mudblood? Perhaps it was the humiliation of pbeing seen as inferior to that damn Potter, to be at the mercy of his arrogant ways and his even more arrogant sidekick, Sirius Black.
Even I knew that I looked weak, helpless. But to appear so in front of her! When I had been wanting to ask her out for years... I didn't want her to ipity/i me.
Yet it had ended up with me lashing out at her, making her hate me. If she does go out with Potter instead of me, then I deserve it. Though Potter had offended me, I had offended iher/i. His sin is pardonable, whilst mine is not.
All I could think of at that moment was how pathetic I must seem - and when he told me to be igrateful/i to her! I wanted to blast his puffed up head with a hex, because I didn't want her to have my gratitude. I wanted her to have al I could give, my love. But the jeers in the Common Room about that Ravenclaw Evans flooded my mind, and I spat out the first one that I thought of. 'Mudblood'.
And nothing in this life seems worthwhile anymore. To know that she is somewhere, living and breathing and hating me... it is driving me mad.
Another owl came from Riddle this morning; more entreating, more tempting. Instead of my customary 'no', I think I shall say 'yes'.
Even I knew that I looked weak, helpless. But to appear so in front of her! When I had been wanting to ask her out for years... I didn't want her to ipity/i me.
Yet it had ended up with me lashing out at her, making her hate me. If she does go out with Potter instead of me, then I deserve it. Though Potter had offended me, I had offended iher/i. His sin is pardonable, whilst mine is not.
All I could think of at that moment was how pathetic I must seem - and when he told me to be igrateful/i to her! I wanted to blast his puffed up head with a hex, because I didn't want her to have my gratitude. I wanted her to have al I could give, my love. But the jeers in the Common Room about that Ravenclaw Evans flooded my mind, and I spat out the first one that I thought of. 'Mudblood'.
And nothing in this life seems worthwhile anymore. To know that she is somewhere, living and breathing and hating me... it is driving me mad.
Another owl came from Riddle this morning; more entreating, more tempting. Instead of my customary 'no', I think I shall say 'yes'.