No ownership is on my part.

NOTE: The Teen Titans depicted here are the same team from the issues that are directly pre-September reboot. In other words, you'll be seeing Red Robin, Superboy, Wonder Girl, Kid Flash, Solstice, Beast Boy, Raven, and Ravager. Enjoy! :D

Rating: T for my standard stuff

Tim was happy to be back on the Teen Titans, despite whatever appearances he may have given off to the others. It was cool to see his best friends again, he was catching up with Gar and Raven, and that new girl—Solstice or Kiran or whatever she wanted to be called—seemed pretty nice. Of course, Rose was mad at him for reasons unknown to man, but she was also mad at the world for reasons unknown to man. Tim was never so grateful to be male. He didn't think he could cope with being able to understand her mind…

Saturday was quickly becoming his favorite day of the week. It meant sleeping in until six in the morning, waking up in the tower. It meant total freedom from creepy Batmen hanging over his shoulder all the time. And, most of all, it meant forty-eight blessed hours of being able to feel like the most normal one in the room. He looked forward to that respite every day of every week that he was in Gotham.

It was a slow day at the tower, and Kiran had dragged the other Titans outside, insisting that they enjoy the beautiful weather. The girls had gone off together to play a game of volleyball a safe distance from the boys, not wanting a repeat of Bloody Nose Saturday from the previous June, the guys were engaging in a riveting game of basketball, and Tim had somehow been coaxed down out of a tree and away from a really good book to play with them. So far, the score was: Tim and Bart—20, Conner and Gar—19. Tim was in the midst of making another perfect shot when he realized that Gar and Bart were both watching Conner, who was staring across the island. Tim followed his best friend's gaze to the shimmery golden top of a certain newly-initiated Titan and shook his head.

"Conner," he called. "Conner…Conner…Conner!"

When the forcefulness of his tone failed to gain the Teen of Steel's attention, he settled for chucking the ball at his head as hard as he could. The racing projectile collided with Conner's skull going forty-five miles an hour and actually managed to move it. Conner whirled around, spitting out in surprise, "What in the—Tim, what the hell was that?"

"It's called a basketball," Tim replied sarcastically. "As in, we still have a game going on."

Conner gave his head a little shake. "Sorry, man, I just…Cassie and I broke up a while ago—"

"Here it comes," Bart muttered.

"And I've been feeling kind of lonely—"

Gar stuck his tongue out, pointed into his mouth, and feigned gagging.

"And Kiran's really kind of hot, so—"

"You were trying to think of the perfect pick-up line," Tim finished, rolling his eyes.

Conner rubbed his neck uncomfortably. "A little dating advice would be nice, yeah."

Bart and Gar sauntered over, the game completely forgotten. "Man, you are luckier than ever to be a Titan," Gar commented. "You just happen to be on a team full of guys with plenty of dating advice—like me."

"You have dating advice?" Conner repeated, sounding hopeful.

"You date?" Tim and Bart asked in unison, sounding incredulous.

Gar stuck out his lower lip and transformed into a dove. At least, everybody was pretty sure it was supposed to be a dove. It was some kind of bird, but they couldn't tell exactly what it was since it was Gar's trademark green. The bird flapped up to Conner's shoulder and said, "Now, here's what you've gotta do. You have to woo her, right? Be the greatest guy she could ever dream of. Fawn over her left and right. Dote on her, make her feel special. Classic stuff works great. Buy her tons and tons of flowers and jewelry and clothes. Take her out for a night on the town and let her show off how pretty she is. Show her that you'll protect her, that you'll always love her and be there for her, and learn some French."

"Why French?" Conner demanded.

"Because French is the language of love, stupid, and she'll go nuts if you know French! Ladies love an intellectual."

"No, they don't," Bart cut in. "Ladies love athletes! You know—strong guys, tough guys, guys that aren't scared of anything or anybody. They're crazy for muscles. Show off your skills once, and she'll be yours."

"French is the way to go. That's how I got Raven."

Bart scoffed. "Please. Raven got with you because she knew how much you wanted her, not because you learned French. And you didn't even learn it; you only know tacky pick-up lines and cuss words."

Gar flew off Conner's shoulder and turned back into his normal self. "Okay, fine, fine. I get it. So, maybe you don't want to go with French. Try poetry. Girls love poetry."

"Raven loves poetry," Bart corrected. Then he turned to Conner. "Don't listen to him. He's only ever had one real girlfriend, so he doesn't know what he's talking about. I'll have you know that I am the resident expert on dating." Conner looked uncertain. "Here, let me prove it to you. This is how you get a girl's attention." Bart turned away and shouted across the island, "Hey, sexy! Your eye patch looks great with that outfit!"

Sure enough, Rose's attention was locked onto him in an instant, and she waved coyly, giggling.

Conner brightened and opened his mouth to do the same…but found that Tim's hand was in the way. Tim shook his head, as if to say, "Not a good idea."

"I think you guys are ignoring the one person on this island qualified to give real dating advice," he said, folding his arms across his chest.

The others glanced at each other in confusion. "Who's that?" Conner wondered aloud.

Tim couldn't believe it. "Me!" he cried. Conner, Gar, and Bart all began to snicker, and then they outright dissolved into laughter. Tim growled at them, unloading his best Bat-glare and practically shooting ultra-sharp daggers from his eyes. "Yeah, yeah, go ahead and laugh. Just remember that I've had more girlfriends than all of you combined."

Bart wiped his eyes. "But only two actually stayed for more than a month," he reminded him, still laughing.

Tim shrugged. "So? At least I've had plenty of them." He turned to Conner, all seriousness. "Don't listen to either of them. They're both wrong. The way to get a girlfriend is to exploit the situation around you. You see a hot girl at a party, you ask her to dance. You see her at the mall, you 'accidentally' trip and drop your stuff in front of her so she'll help you and take the time to introduce yourself. You see her at school, and you just walk up and say hi. It's simple."

Conner looked skeptical. "That's it? That's all you did to have five girlfriends in five years?"

Tim nodded.

Conner burst out laughing again. "Yeah, right, sure it is."

Tim scowled. "One of these days, you guys are gonna have to admit that I'm right and you're wrong."

No more words were said as the girls' volleyball arced through the air and slammed into Tim's head, knocking him flat on the ground in front of the whole team.

The other guys erupted into fits of giggles yet again, as did Rose and as did Raven, who could sense that Tim was alright. Cassie and Kiran, however, flew over immediately to check on their friend. "Oh, my gods, Tim, I'm so sorry!" Cassie gushed, taking one of his arms to help pull him to his feet.

"Are you okay?" Kiran asked worriedly, looking him over.

He thought fast. "Y-you know, I…I don't know," he stammered, managing to look confused and weak. "My legs are all wobbly, and everything I look at is all…blurry. I think I might have some head trauma." He paused for a moment, feigning concentration. "What day is this, again?" He returned his gaze to Cassie and Kiran, his eyes wide and vulnerable.

The girls both fell all over him, hugging and kissing him and promising to make him plenty of cookies later to make up for it. Tim hugged them back, smirking at Conner over Cassie's shoulder. He mouthed, "Pwned."

Gar, Bart, and Conner all shook their heads. "Leave it up to the rich guy to steal all the girls," Gar said to himself.