Author: Phealas
Summary: Alexander realises what he's losing – will he still be in time to save Hephaistion's heart? Alexander's POV.
I wake up after restless sleep, and the memory of him smiling at me. All was golden, yes, and the sun reflected in his eyes and smile. The morning beams play over him now as well, though in this strange bedroom they hold more of a bluish gleam. I turn on my back, my hand still safe in his, and think.
I think of him. With everything I see in my mind's eye, everything I smell, everything I hear, I think of him. We were always together. We played together, we watched the stars together, we fought together, we slept together… There is no end to memories of him, like there is no end to the number of stars. Even the strange smell in this room will later be a new memory in which I will remember him. He lays beside me, deep asleep. It is such a peaceful sight, a sight I've missed. A sight that makes my heart come to rest.
It is strange that, when I think of my childhood, I can only see him. Memories of my parents, my strict father and devious mother, are in here somewhere, I remember them vaguely, but is it so strange that I choose, and have always chosen, to only remember other things? His eyes when he had just won from me with wrestling, his smile after we had shared our first kiss, his hair blowing in the wind on top of that ridge, with a view all over the fields. Those are the memories that move my heart and soul. He is al I have wished to remember for such a long time, that it now seems as if that was all I ever did in my childhood. Slumber in the sun in the arms of the person I loved more then the world itself.
I turn back to him. "When did we lose it?" I whisper, and I softly stroke his bare arm. "When did I let you get away?" Always when we were together, as we are now, all seemed as before. We would make love, talk, but it is not as it used to be. My hand moves to his cheek, to the short rough beard that had grown when he had stopped shaving. I don't remember when.
He does not react, but I know he hears me. "When did I leave my heart alone?" I urge him. "Where on the long road did I replace you for someone that would never be like you to me, while you were right here for me? My Hephaistion, why did you let me? Why did you let me hurt you so?" I move closer, press my forehead against his. "I have become a stranger to myself. For you, too, are Alexander." How is it possible that I had not thought of those words for such a long time? "You became a stranger to me, and I, a stranger to myself. Save me, Hephaistion, you still have the power to," I plead him.
I close my eyes, and he opens his. They are blue, bluer than I remember them, and they speak of love. "Alexander," he says, like only he can.
The smile that holds my face is one of sorrow and unshed tears. "Hephaistion. Will you still have me? I have woken up now. I see now that others are just fleeting memories, and only you stay." I take his hand, move it to my heart. "Only you are here. It just took me a while to remember that. Will you still have me? Will you be here for me?"
"I have never left you," he whispers, and a lazy smile spreads over his face. All is golden. I lean forward to kiss him, and I can feel his soft lips caress mine in a way that means more than all words. His warmth spreads through me. Tears leave me.
I can hear his footsteps, how he slips through the room on his bare feet and how his soft hands curl around the curtains to open them. I bolt upright. "Devil!" I shout at him. He stops dead in his tracks and looks at me. He looks like an angel as his eyes hold mine, wide with fear and innocence. "You," I say, so intently that I can see a shudder moving his lithe frame. My voice is filled with rage. "You took all away from me. Why did you destroy my life!" His mouth opens, as if to say something, his black eyes widen further. "Leave! If I ever see your face again, you will know exactly what it is like to be destroyed. No living being will remember you after that!" A whimper leaves his throat as he flees from my cruel words.
I turn back to the one beside me, my one true angel and love. A beam of golden sun, falling through the half opened curtains, kisses his bluish face. It's a disease that seems to pass wherever I come, and wherever I don't. It makes faces pale, skin cold, limbs stiff. And it will never go away. "Hephaistion," I beg with a thin voice, but he doesn't react. "I know you hear me. Soon, my love, I will follow you. There are some things yet… I must take care of. I know you understand. But soon, I will follow..." The first sobs wreck me, and my voice is almost inaudible with tears. "Don't venture too far without me, my Hephaistion, my soul. We will find our way together in the unknown, like we always have…" I kiss his cold lips, taste the goodbye he has left there for me. I rest my forehead on his. "Together we can conquer all."
A/N: Please review! Thank you. :)