A/N: This a continuing story from Come back to me. Please read that story first. Of course it is GSR. I just can't seem to get this out of my head. It starts off where I left off in that story. These first chapters are going to be really dark and all has to do with what I feel that Sara may have going though as a child. If you have a hard time with Abuse and death then maybe you should wait for the chapter the wont have this in them which should be in the 2 or 3 chapters I hope. Because I want them to happy chapters after that. Work in progress so please hang in there with me. Oh I don't own CSI or the actors who play in the story. I am only playing with them. So please don't sue me. This is rated M for Smut/ language and the dark side of Sara's life. Oh I also don't own the song or Creed.
3/25/08 5:00 pm
I just had to write this. I'm the happiest man in the whole world. On the way back to our home a song came on the radio. I wish I knew who wrote it and sang this, but who ever did, and I will find out, they sang what I'm feeling right now. It has become my favorite song. It describes exactly what I felt when you told me. It's a good thing I have a great memory.
Creed With arms Wide open
Well I just heard the news today.
It seems my life is going to change.
I close my eyes, Begin to pray.
Then tears of joy, Steam down my face.
With arms wide open, Under sunlight.
Welcome to this place, I'll show you everything.
With arms wide open, With arms wide open.
Well I don't know, If I'm ready, to be the man, I have to be.
I'll Take a breath, I'll take her by my side.
We stand in AW, We've created life.
With arms wide open, Under the sunlight.
Welcome to this place, I'll show you everything.
With arms wide open, Now everything has changed.
I'll show you love, I'll show you everything.
With arms wide open, With arms wide open.
I'll show you everything--Oh yeah.
With arms wide open--Wide open. If I had just one wish, Only one demand
I hope he's not like me, I hope he understands.
That he can take this life, And hold it by the hand.
And he can greet the world.
With arms wide open, Wide arms wide open.
Under the sunlight, Welcome to this place.
I'll will show you everything, With arms wide open.
Now everything has changed, I'll show you love.
I'll will show you everything.
With arms wide open, With arms wide open.
I'll show you everything--Oh yeah
With arms wide open--Wide open.
From this day forward, I will never let you or our son go. We will be married in 2 days. Our son will be born in June. I shall always hold you tight and miss you no more. I have you with me.
You Came Back To Me.
With my arms wide open for you.
Sara was home and in a few days we will be married. She seems to be more relaxed. All this time away from her has made me think I just don't want live with out her any more. We need to talk a little more but I don't want push her. Right now all I want is to hold, love her. I will call tomorrow and see about cashing in some much need vacation. But not now. Now I need to focus on her and the baby. I need to fix this between us. Nothing in the world would take this from us.
"Sara honey, can I get you anything?" He said with the utmost pride.
"Um, do you have any juice?" She was a little hesitance. Not sure if he had been home much since she had been gone.
"We have OJ or apple juice. " Hoping that is what she may like.
"Apple juice would be great." "Well he has been home since I been gone, I hope he hasn't been too lonely. Wait a minute, where's Bruno? Please tell me he didn't.
"I need to call the sitter to get Bruno latter or it can wait for a little while, It up to you?" Saying that so she didn't think he wasn't being taken care of.
"I think it will be ok for a night but I would like to see him tomorrow."
I came over to sit on the couch and hand her the drink. I wanted to sit close and puller next to me, but I don't want to rush her. I still don't know if she came home for me or the baby.
"Gil, we need to talk." She said a little shaky, not knowing how to start.
"Yes we do. But I didn't want to push you."
"I need to tell you some things, and some of it isn't going to be easy." Saying without knowing how he may react.
"Ok I'm listening."
"When I left, I didn't know where I was going. I thought I had to get away from everything I knew to be good and that was you. I went to hell in back Gil. And I still didn't get that closure I was looking for. I don't think it will every really be closed for me. My life is always going to have that big hole in it. I miss him, and I never even knew it. Yes he was mean and I should hate him for beating my mother and I, but I can't. Not anymore. I need to believe that he wasn't always hateful, that he wasn't always an abuser. It wasn't always that way. I couldn't look passed the last years of our life before my mother, well you know." She started to cry and shake too. She wanted him to hold her but he was sitting listening.
"I want to tell you what I went though but Im afraid what you may think of me. I needed to know you wouldn't worry about what I was doing."
"Sara I worried the day you left and I was scared what you might do when you didn't call me."
"And for that Im sorry, but I had to do this on my own. I went to see my mother, but the part I didn't tell you was she didn't want to see me. I tried for several days, and it was the same thing. She just wouldn't see me. So I wandered the street for a week or so, trying to find some sort of answers. I found my way back to the house where I was born; hoping to find neighbors that may have lived there while I was growing up. But to no success I didn't find a sole that knew our family."
"I stop by the school and try to look to see if anybody new my brother, but not a person new him. No record of him. It was like he never existed. So I wandered further north to Tamale bay area."
"Can I ask you one thing?' He said before she started again." Did you wander like sleeping in the streets too or were you staying in hotels?"
"I stayed in my car. Slept in my car, ate in my car, when I thought to eat."
"Sara Honey you could have been killed." He said trying to hold his anger in.
"I know; I wanted to see what my brother went though. Those last 6 years of his life, it must have been so hard on him. I just couldn't shake the feeling he was so alone, helpless, hungry, and never loved."
"Im so sorry Sara, I wished you have told me." He was concerned and wanted to hold her." Can I hold you?"
"I would like that. I miss your arms around me. I think that's the one thing that kept me going is the love you have given to me. With out that I don't think I would have survived all those cold lonely night." He reached for her and wrapped her up in the warm embrace. He fought back his own tears.
"You don't have to keep going tonight." Thinking maybe he didn't want to hear more tonight.
"No I want to tell you, I have to tell you. It may help show you that I wasn't alone. You were always with me." She reached up to place a gentle kiss on his neck.
" Once I returned to Tamale Bay I found a motel near the coast. Small place but it suited my need. That's where I stay through the holidays. I wanted to call you on the 20th of November and tell you I remember that we were to be married on that day, but I couldn't handle the hurt that I knew you would have in your voice."
"That's day I had to find the Inn and the home that was so broken in my heart. I thought it would just suite my mood. It was still there and still broken. Know one has lived in it after all the horror that house brought to the town. It is falling down, with a big for sale sign on it."
"I stepped thought the door and it still felt cold. It was like there was no love ever in the house. I had to go back and see for myself. It had been clean from the Blood but I still remember where it was. It was like it was still there for me. I laid on the floor and cried for hour where his body laid. It was like his sole was still there. Like he never left. Too broken to move from the spot on the floor. It was like I relived that night. All the memory come flooding back, I know what truly happened." Sniff sniff
"He came home drunk and he was mad that my bike was left in the yard. My mother was up in her room drinking as usual. He slammed the front door. I knew he was mad, so I dropped my book, I can remember the book now. It was a Nancy Drew novel. I loved to read her stories. But I never could read that book again. It brought back all those memories"
" He yelled for me but I hid in the closet, right where my brother told me to hide if ever there was a problem. My brother was gone then, he was at a home for drug problem boys."
"My father couldn't find me, so he did the next best thing. He searched for my mother and found her. I heard glass break against the wall and my mother yelling back saying he was worthless and to just leave us alone. Then I heard a loud smack like flesh, then my mother scream in pain. I knew he had hit her; it was like he hit me too. I reached for my face, it felt hot. Then I heard the door open and some noises like some one was being drug down the stairs. Thump Thump Thump. Then it stopped. Some screaming and yelling; then nothing. It was so quite. It was eerie, the silence was so deafening. Then I heard my mother start yelling. You bastard, you stay away from us. You leave us alone. I hate you. Then I heard the dishes start crashing to the floor, and my father said if you want me gone then you're going to have kill me. Then I heard more pots and pans hit the floor. Then nothing, but then my mother started screaming again. Take that and that, I'll show you, you won't hurt us ever again. Then she started laughing like I never heard before.'
"I was so scared. I wouldn't come out of the closet. It felt like hours, and all she did was laugh. I finally worked up the courage to come out. I didn't hear my father speak again. I just thought he left. If I had known he was laying down there with blood all over him I would have never come down. I reached the kitchen and my mother stopped laughing and told me to come see what she did. She said that I would never have to worry about him any more. He was never going to hurt us again. I stepped into the kitchen and that when I saw all the blood, all over the floor and the walls and she was covered in it."
"I ran to him, and dropped to my knees. I didn't understand that he was dead. I thought he was sleeping. But the blood told me he wasn't sleeping. I didn't cry, I looked at my mother and she just smiled, happy that she had killed him."
"I don't how long I lay on the floor with him, but then I heard the door open and some strange men walked in, Im sure it was the police. Then there she was, the woman that took me away, away from everything I ever knew. I saw my mother sitting in the back seat of the car, laughing still."
"Ok that's enough for tonight sweet heart. Please." He said as he didn't know what else he could say.
I just did know what to say to make it all go away. I just need her to stop because I was worried that she was going to break right there in front of me. I wanted to hold her and tell her it would be all right, But I knew it was never going to be all right. She went through it once and then relived it again all on her own. She is so much strong then I will ever be.
Please tell me what you think.