Dating A Poster Boy

Prologue

Diary entry of Mickie James

Ugh, it's happening again. Feelings. Don't you hate those? I know I do. Feelings never lead me anywhere good. They're annoying, really. Here I am just trying to have fun in a flirtatious friendship but these damn feelings just complicate things.

I'm not in love, but I am certainly in like. As in really like. Who is it that I am speaking of? Oh, you know, just the guy I promised to myself and all of you that I wouldn't ever have feelings for again. HAHA. That didn't happen. I kind of knew it wouldn't all along but decided to continue with it despite those inclinations. He took my wrestler 'virginity' he is the only wrestler I've ever considered getting involved with, I mean I guess im never one to mix business with pleasure, I hope he doesn't share that same sentiment and now he's taking my heart. Stop it! I'd like to keep that, thanks. Re-Reading that I made it sound like we have been hooking up or something, we really haven't that's just in my dreams. Literally.

I'm in way over my head with this. We've been seeing each other a lot more consistently than ever before and we talk, a lot, and laugh, a lot, and smile, a lot. I love his sense of humour and that he likes the same sports teams as me. Well that's what I tell him anyway, I love it when he wears his tight white shirt and a backwards hat. I love how he makes the blue steel face every time I enter the room because I tell him I hate it when really, I think it's hilarious. I love how he plays x-box with the younger wrestlers and kisses his biceps when he beats them like the fact there huge have a part to play in his once in a blue moon victory. Oh gosh, what is this? I'm making myself nauseous.

It's just crazy how our relationship has progressed since November. Yeah, I've been friends with this guy for what feels like a lifetime. Weird, right? I know I said to some friends I didn't want to form feelings for him but that was only because I never thought that he would form any for me. But lately, that doesn't seem to be the case. He calls me 'babe' now and while I'm generally opposed to pet names, I don't hate it. He also asked me about my plans after wrestling the other night and when I asked if he'd miss me he said that of course he would but he still is going to see me. I didn't ask any questions after that mostly because I was overwhelmed with excitement over the prospect of having him in my life even after all this, that would be his choice to see me then, he kind of has to at this time because we all work so closely as a unit to make this product work. Admittedly, that's exactly what I want. If this were to turn into something more, well, I'd be the happiest girl in the world if that were to happen.

Letting go of him scares me, quite frankly. What we have is so good, I don't want to lose it. But there's only so much time for moves to be made and I don't really want to be the first one to make them. Fingers crossed, he'll be the move maker. I'll let you know.

So, tell me. Am I crazy for wanting that? Would it be the most horrible thing if I were to bring this up to him let's say, this week? I hope you don't think so because I want nothing more than to be committed to only him. A lot of the time I feel like he wants the same thing but I can't really know that for sure until I ask. But what if I do ask and then this all just falls to pieces? Is it worth ruining what we have going on?

I want to not be afraid of rejection. I know myself well enough to know that I don't take well to it. Rejected me is like my already overly emotional self times a billion. No one wants to have to deal with that.

This may seem strange but although I'm not sure what this relationship is, it's the longest one I've ever been in. Six months is a long time to not know what your status is with someone so I think it's time I figure it out.

I'm not much of a risk-taker but in this case, if I do say something about us being together, it's a risk, and if I don't, it's still a risk. So a risk I shall take. Wish me luck! And tell me I'm not crazy.

These last six months went by a lot faster than I ever thought they would have. And I didn't get as far as I'd hoped I would when I first set out to make something more of a friendship. We're still just friends. We're still just buddies. But I want to change that once and for all.

For three years, I've been silent. I've watched a few girls look at him with those doe eyes. I've watched him shine and win and be downright amazing. I've been so proud of him. So proud to know him. To be able to say 'Yes, that's one of my good friends.' I don't want to be silent any more.

I guess this has been brewing for quite some time. But I must say that these past weeks have really put me to the test. And I'm at my tipping point. I feel like I'll explode if I don't do or say something soon.

All along, it was never these girls in the clubs all over him I had to worry about. It was actually one of his friends that has had a crush on him for a while. And though I know he never returned those feelings, it still hurt to realize that there really was another girl, another threat, looming so close for so long.

Yet I could not hate her. How could I? I was, I am, in the exact same position as her. Except she got to lay her head on his shoulder while he held her in his arms during slow songs all night. She got farther than I ever have or will.

Sure, he kissed me. But never on the lips. Sure, he danced with me, but never slowly.

It drives me crazy, the things he does. Does he do all that crap just to tease me? Does he think I wouldn't think about all those things all night every night? See, the trouble with girls, my friend, is that they count every instance that he kissed them. They remember every time that he asked them on a friendship date or complimented them. When he says he'd do anything for her, she wonders if he's serious or not. If he mean's something, make sure she knows it. Otherwise, she might never know.

I don't know if we'll have this summer for a romance at all. I know we might have some days to hang out as buddies. But nothing is guaranteed. He does have other more interesting buddies to be around, ones he can check girls out with.

That's why I have to speak up.

I know he's going to start searching for the one like he often says he will start doing soon. And I don't want to complicate things by professing my crazy feelings for him. But I have to speak now or forever hold my peace. My sisters say I'll regret it if I don't say anything, always thinking about what could have been, would have been, should have been. And I agree.

I can't stand here any longer taking his kisses on the cheek that may or may not mean anything. I can't keep sitting here listening to him ask me on these 'dates' and wondering if I really hear that undercurrent of true curiosity and hope in his voice when you ask.

So next time he kisses me, I'll kiss him back. On the lips.

Next time we hug, I won't be the first to pull away like I always do because I don't want to seem desperate or let him know my feelings because he might not like me back.

Next time he asks me on a date, I'll say, 'Yes, of course.'

Next time I see him, I might just tell him how I feel.

Because I know deep inside of me though I wouldn't admit it to him, I'm in love with him.

Would you want to see more of this? I wrote this as a one-shot but I'm thinking it could be a great fan fiction!

Any ideas on how to take this forward?