Disclaimer: Degrassi and the song nine crimes. No. But I do happen to own a Journey shirt.
I've been working on different pov's lately. I always do 3rd person, so I've been working on 1st and 2nd. That's why my story pov's are so inconsistent.
Nine Crimes...Best song.
Fast hands.
Labored breath.
Sweaty bodies.
You're moaning and you're shaking underneath me and I'm only kissing you. Maybe it's because we can only do this once a week. Once a fucking week. We fuck once a week and it kills me.
Because I don't want you for one day.
I want you for a lifetime. I want you to only be mine. That's all I want.
But I'll take what I can get.
You wrap your jean-clad legs around my waist and you pull me closer and I smile because I'm so close to you that I can almost hear your pulse. And I smile because you're close to me and I've waited so long to be close to you. I really have.
"I missed you." I croaked, and I lean my head into the crook of your neck. And I can smell you and I feel something tug on my heart, because this isn't your smell. This is his. And he is not me. And he could touch you like this whenever he wanted and I only had these Friday night. And I know that he would never love you as much as I do.
You don't say anything and I understand. At least you're here.
I trail my finger tips down your sides and I hear you gasp. I smile sadly, because I know that he probably hears that same gasp every night. I kiss your stomach lightly and I try to be in the moment.
"How's what's-his-name?" I ask, even though I know his name, but I wish I didn't. I feel you freeze, trying to think about your words carefully.
"Jake is fine. It was actually our one year anniversary yesterday." You mumble, your eyes close. And my stomach clenches.
"Interesting." I mutter and I pull you even tighter to me. I wrap my arms around your back and my fingers drift up your shirt, and I feel your muscles twitch. And I feel your back arch towards me.
"How are you and Imogen?" You breathe out and I move my lips to your jaw.
"We broke up."
"Why?"
"She wasn't you."
And you shoot me a pity look and I hate that look. I don't want your pity. I don't.
I start to feel emotions that I don't want to feel, the ones I only feel when you leave, so I lean off of you and I start to slide off your pants. Once your pants are off, I lean back down and I kiss up your leg, feeling them shake. My gentle fingers drift towards your thighs and that's when I see it. He left a mark on you. His teeth sank into your flesh and you probably yelled his name. And you probably only thought of him. And you probably forgot all about me.
"Fuck." I breathe out and I press my lips together, a feeling that feels like anger is bubbling up inside of me. I can't take it anymore. I can't be that second. I can't be that Friday night hook-up.
But I have to be.
Because you want him and I want you, and I'm guessing that a little part of you wants me too.
And I can't take it anymore, so I crash myself against you because you're the only one that makes me feel better. But you are also the only one who can make me feel so angry and upset. I press myself against you and I bite your neck harder than usual. And I kiss you harder than usual and I want you more than usual. I want to show you that I'm better than him, that I'm better for you, but I can't. Because I don't even believe that that's true.
I hold you tighter. I don't care if we don't fuck, I really don't care. I just want to be near you like I am now. I want to be able to hear you whisper in my ear when it gets late. I want to love you in the most innocent way.
But you won't let me. You won't let me love you.
So I push into you. Hard. This is the only way you'll let me love you, so I'm going to make sure that you won't forget it. I want you to think of this when you're fucking him. I want you to remember how much I love you when he says that he does. Will you do that? For me?
Your face is scrunched up with pleasure and I've never seen anything more beautiful than that. You wrap your legs around my waist and I'm giving you everything that I have, nothing less. Our breath has mingled and have become jointed and our bodies are one person and you are so beautiful. You are so beautiful and I am just nothing.
I push deeper and you cry out and I catch my breath because, holy shit, you're moaning my name. You're moaning and screaming my name and I don't want anything else but that. I honestly don't want anything else. I try to kiss you but you turn your head the other way.
Fuck it. I want to tell myself that I don't need you, but I can't. I can't and I hate that. I fucking hate that. Because you don't even want me and I want everything from you. You have someone else and I have no one. And you act so cold with me and I let everything go with you.
Fuck everything.
Fuck-
"I love you you, Eli. Only you." You call out, and I know that you didn't mean to say it and it's just from your finish, but you said it, and I can see that you mean it.
Fuck nothing.
My heart feels lighter and I am coming closer to my end and-
I roll off of you and I pull you on top of me. Your breasts are on my chest and your fingers on my sides and my god, you're everything. You rest your head on my chest and I want you to look at me.
"I love you, Eli." Your voice sounds defeated.
"I love you too, Clare. So much." I rasp out, because you're looking at me.
You let a smile perch on your lips and you lean forward to kiss me-
Your cellphone rings.
"That's probably him." You mutter and you start to get up. I nod. I don't know what else to do. You wrap a sheet around you and you walk over to your pile of clothes and grab your phone. And you walk out with just the sheet on, talking to someone else.
Fuck everything.
We've created a mess. I'm a mess. You're a mess.
And this mess that we've created?
It's become the theme song to our Friday nights.
Not my favorite. Definetly not my favorite.
My story At The Bottom Of Everything will be updated soon. I've been having some...problems, but it will be up.