Gray Sky Mornings
I love waking up to rainy mornings, when everything is peaceful and all you can hear is the gentle noise of raindrops falling on the roof. The world is quiet, like it's still asleep, and I can forget what happened yesterday.
Forgetting seems to be the only way I can live these days. And the solitude of the mornings helps me to lose the fear and pain and loss of all the yesterdays in my life. But the problem with these gray mornings is that they never last. They give me a few hours of peace before I have to rise and fight the demons once again.
If I could just lie like this forever, my eyes shut and listening to nature's simple music, it would be heaven on earth. But the world around me is dying, and only I can stand a chance of saving it.
That alone scares me more than the monsters themselves. I live each day just barely surviving, running, hiding from the creatures I was born to destroy. And I worry that I will never be strong enough.
Even mornings like these can't wash away all my tears, and the anger and fear burning inside of me is too strong to be put out by this peaceful release. So I lie here and listen while I can, trying not to think that I won't be here to hear it tomorrow, that while I rest in peace hundreds of people are dying, and I am helpless to save them.
As wonderful as this peace is, it is still somehow… lonely. Sometimes I wish that there was someone to listen with, someone to hold close to me and watch while they slept. Those are things I know I'll never have though.
In a world like mine, there is no time for emotions other than fear, anger or pain. Anything else will eventually hurt you because nothing here lasts, and someday you'll have to say goodbye.
As if proof of that, I can hear the rain slow to a faint stop, leaving the earth in a moment of peace before disappearing completely. I rise from bed, saying goodbye to my moment of happiness as well, because in my world, nothing lasts forever except for pain.