Chapter 1: Prologue

Gigi walked with Rory through Stars Hollow toward the market on Monday afternoon. It was Halloween and she was spending the evening with Rory and Lorelai, since this was the first year she wasn't dressing up. Chris thought it would be fun if she passed out candy with the Gilmores. She was even getting to stay up late on a school night.

As they passed Miss Patty's, the woman was teaching a ballet class, the little girls in pink tutus twirling around. Gigi had joined in on a lesson once when she was eight. It was her first visit back to the town. Miss Patty said Rory and Gigi got their dance skills from their father.

"You dance?" Gigi asked her big sister.

"Oh, just when I was little, for a very short while. I was terrible."

"She's so modest," Miss Patty had cood. "She had talent."

"Not like Gigi," Rory said nicely. And if Rory said so, it had to be true, Lorelai reassured, because Rory was brutally honest about these things.

Gigi had asked, "Did you get a lot of beads?"

"Beads?"

"Michelle, my teacher, gives me beads when I don't complain or cry. I have a lot."

Miss Patty smiled. "Rory didn't need beads for that, she was such a good girl naturally."

"Oh."

Doose's market was busy when they walked in. They weren't the only ones doing some last minute stocking up. The candy aisle was fully pilfered, all the good treats taken. "I think we're going to have to make do with this," Rory said, taking inventory of what she had in her small basket after they claimed what was left. "At least they weren't out of popcorn and jello, so we can make popcorn balls. I wish they had more apples though. Our trees are going to look bare." She led the way to the checkout counters. All the cashiers had a line four deep, so they waited.

"It's a boy, we have a boy!" a man said, bursting into the market. It was one of the more peculiar citizens of the town, Kirk. He proudly went around, showing everyone a picture on his phone.

"How's Lulu?" Rory asked when he got to them. "She's good, she did great," Kirk said. He looked at the image of the baby boy, beaming. "And he's perfect." Glancing at Rory, he said, "It's times like these that make me grateful your mom turned me down that time I asked her out. Not that I wouldn't be honored to be your step-dad, but I wouldn't give up Lulu and the kids for anything."

Amused, Gigi asked, "You asked Aunt Lorelai out?"

"Uh, yeah, I remember that," Rory said. "It was my first day of senior year at Chilton." She unloaded their items on the counter.

Gigi was born when Rory was a senior, she knew the story. Her big sister had heroically came straight from school to Boston to be there when she was born. She was lucky to have Rory for a sister. She was going to Yale just like her, Rory even gave her a tour. Though it was rather dull—a lot of benches and libraries. But Chris had smiled proudly about Gigi seeing those benches.

"Luckily she was just getting out of a weird relationship," Kirk said. "Was it your dad? He was the last guy who'd been coming around. He was at the world premiere of my film."

"And Sookie's wedding in May," the balding man bagging groceries at the next counter said confidently. Gigi recognized him as the store owner.

Her dad had been coming around before Rory's senior year? Chris married Lorelai when Rory was a senior in college, not high school. There was a four year gap there. Four years, that's how old Gigi was when they were married.

"They certainly didn't shy away from public displays of affection, either," Taylor said in disapproval. "And then poof, he was gone. No one saw him again for years."

Public displays of affection? Gigi asked, "Were they kissing?"

"Oh, well . . . um." Rory nervously glanced at Gigi, then glared at Taylor and Kirk.

Chris and Lorelai were kissing at a wedding in May, and Gigi was born in January . . . Eight months. She was a fetus. Gigi frowned. "Where did he have to go?"

"Uh, he had to get back to Boston," Rory said uneasily.

Kirk didn't seem to notice any of this. "When you really stop to think about it, that would have been our one chance to work out. It was before Luke. No one had a chance after that."

With a frown, Taylor said, "That didn't help that Max guy."

"Oh, true," Kirk said, though not deterred. "But before Luke was still the opportune time for a guy to have a shot with Lorelai." He shook his head in wonder. "To think, how our lives could be different. Thank your mom for rejecting me," he said before moving on to the next person in line, bragging about how long the baby was.

Rory tilted her head in to quietly confide, "Mom wasn't going to date Kirk."

Gigi wondered why Rory would think she was concerned about that. She said, "That's when Dad was with my mom. Why did he go to a wedding with your mom?"

Rory busied herself with the last of their items and then peered into her purse, digging more than was necessary. "Oh you know Mom, when she can't find a date to a wedding, she asks Dad. Like my friend Lane's wedding. He was her date for that too."

If no one else was around, Chris was good enough? Is that why they got married? She asked, "My mom didn't mind he was on a date with Lorelai?"

"He went to the wedding as Mom's date, they weren't on a date," Rory stressed, contradicting what Mr. Doose had just said. Kissing seemed date-like. "There's a difference."

"Oh, okay," Gigi said, unconvinced.

Rory was acting weird and not saying much, like she thought Gigi was just a little kid who didn't need to know the important details. And it was obvious it was important, or Rory wouldn't be clamming up.

Gigi tried one more time, "Why didn't Dad come back for years?"

"He was busy with other things. Work and your mom and stuff."

Other things, sure.

When you really stop to think about it, that would have been our one chance to work out. . . . how our lives could be different.

"You're awfully quiet today," Francine said over an after school snack the next day. "Are you tired?"

Rory had dropped Gigi off at her grandmother's house the next morning before school. She didn't come in, just parked in front of the house and bid Gigi goodbye. It was strange to think of Francine Hayden as Rory's grandmother too. Gigi felt a little guilty for liking that she didn't have to share.

She answered, "Yeah, I was up late last night." She nibbled at a sandwich, though she didn't have a big appetite today. "Can I ask a question?"

"Of course."

"Did my dad want to marry Lorelai?"

"They did get married," Francine said with a slight frown. "You remember living in Stars Hollow for a little while, don't you?"

Yes, Gigi remembered tiptoeing around Rory's room, not allowed to touch anything. She didn't have her own space in her former step-mother's house. "I know they got married when I was little. But what about before that, like before Dad married my mom? Was there any other time he wanted to marry Lorelai?"

"Well, yes, when Rory was born. Richard Gilmore came up with that plan—they'd get married and Christopher would work with him at the insurance company. Christopher was going to do it too, he wanted to do the right thing. But Lorelai refused to go along with it."

Gigi vaguely knew the details. Chris and Lorelai were only 16 when Rory was born. It was Too Young. Lorelai didn't want Chris working at some boring office job all his life, where he'd be unhappy. So Chris wasn't there for Lorelai and Rory at all. That's why he married Sherry. It was why he was in the delivery room when Gigi was born. He felt guilty about the first time.

"Then why wasn't Dad there when Rory was born?"

Francine lifted a shoulder and her mouth formed a line. "Because she was already born when Emily called."

Chris had told her he felt like a father when Gigi fell asleep in his arms for the first time, in the hospital. She asked why he didn't feel like a dad when he held Rory. He said he only held her for a few minutes when he visited them at the hospital. Rory had started to cry, and after an attempt to rock her a bit, Lorelai had taken the baby back, quieting her down quickly.

"Lor was amazing," he'd said at the memory. "She always knew the right thing to do. I was just . . in the way." He had a far away look in his eye, the feeling of uselessness still haunting him. He shook his head. "She never needed me." He said he'd screwed up her life enough, and she knew what was best.

Gigi asked her grandmother, "Did you want them to get married when Rory was born?"

Francine averted her gaze. "We wanted him to go to college. We sent him to boarding school," she said. "We thought he'd be better off away from, well, everything here. But he kept asking about Lorelai. Straub got so upset once, he told Christopher that Lorelai ran away with the baby, so he should focus on Princeton." Francine shook her head. "The next thing we knew he got kicked out of school."

The first of several. Her dad called himself his parents' greatest disappointment. She decided right then she needed to go to Princeton. Her grandma was looking sad about the past, Gigi was sure it would make her happy. She wanted to make her happy.

XXX

It was spring break during her freshman year, and Gigi was in Paris, visiting her mother. Things were better than the previous year, when her parents had fought over her schooling. Even an ocean between them couldn't buffer a conflict. Sherry had wanted Gigi to attend boarding school abroad, and Chris thought his ex-wife had a lot of gall to think she should get any say in the matter. He won too, keeping Gigi in Connecticut to attend prep school.

At least Sherry no longer discussed all the merits of school in a foreign country and how much she thought Gigi would like it. Gigi wondered how her mother would know what she liked. It was she who knew what Sherry liked.

"I just got some new eyeshadow from L'Oreal, do you want me to show you?"

Makeup had been another argument for her parents. Sherry thought 13 was old enough, Chris thought she should wait a few more years. Gigi sided with her mother, 13 was grownup enough for a little lip gloss. Since then, Gigi was sure to look nice whenever she visited her mom.

"Oh, actually, that reminds me, I have some really good news," Sherry said, smiling.

Gigi held her breath. This was it. Her mother was going to come back home. She had finally done everything right and her mom noticed. It took her years and hours of practice so she could be en pointe by the time she was 11. She followed her mother's instructions on how to apply concealer to properly cover acne flare ups. She had a book in her purse so people would know she was just as astute as Rory. Sherry was going to be in the same country and get into heated arguments with Chris about who's turn it was to get Gigi for holidays and summers. It would be a tug of war with Gigi in the middle, a parent on each side. She was too much of a realist to want them to get back together. Or maybe she was just selfish. It was their turn to try to be the best to win her love and affection. All of her hard work was going to pay off. It had been worth it.

She hadn't thought of it before, but she supposed Sherry might live in Boston again, which would be a bit of a drive. But what was a longish drive compared to a flight across the Atlantic Ocean?

"I have some new makeup for you to try," Sherry said. She got up and left the room, coming back with a small cosmetic tote that Gigi recognized as a gift set.

Gigi stared at the bag that her mother placed in her hands, confused.

"Well, open it."

She slowly unzipped the bag and found small samples of makeup. Colorful eyeshadows, pink blush, a small bottle of foundation. She read the label, "Lancome?"

"Try it out and I'll get you more of whatever you like. I got a new job there," Sherry said proudly. "It's a higher position than I had at L'Oreal, and it pays a lot more." She went on with a marketing spiel about how much better the cosmetics line was in comparison to her former employer, but Gigi wasn't listening. Her heart was thudding in her chest, a sick feeling in the pit of her stomach. Her mother wasn't coming back to her. Not now, or ever.

Gigi 'forgot' the gift set when she left her mom's Parisian house. She didn't know if she'd ever go back there. She dumped all of her makeup in the trash when she got home. Every last lip gloss and primer, powder and eyeliner. She scrubbed her face until it was pink. She didn't care if she looked tired or washed out. She didn't care about bags under her eyes or future wrinkles. She wasn't going to waste any more time on it.

XXX

She kept getting into trouble when she went back to school the following week. She couldn't stop talking back to her teachers, and got into a fight in the hallway with her friend, Hailey. The other girl had heard that Gigi's boyfriend had dumped her because she was too clingy and jealous. Hailey agreed, she was kind of needy. They weren't friends anymore. Gig had been warned for her mouthing off to teachers. But this tipped the scales. There would be no fighting at this prestigious institution, so she got suspended for a few days. There were even threats of expulsion if she didn't clean up her act.

This was not the first time her father had been called in for fighting at school. On her first day of kindergarten, she got into an altercation with a boy in her class. She had said that her sister was Rory Gilmore. The Rory Gilmore. She was famous. She'd been so excited to tell all these new people, surely they'd be impressed. But she only received blank stares from her classmates. One boy argued that her sister was in fact, not famous. They argued until she shoved him, landing her in the principal's office. Her father was called in, and he had to explain to her that a lot of people didn't know who Rory was, because she wasn't really famous, yet. But the world was just slow and stupid, and as soon as it realized how special and amazing Rory was, she would be famous and everyone would love her the way they did.

He was reassuring, but the faint feeling of being deceived lurked in the recesses of her mind. Why would everyone talk about her sister like that if it wasn't true? Was it all a lie?

Chris didn't know what to do about her this time. That much was clear when Gigi overheard him on speakerphone in the kitchen on the second morning of her suspension. It was Lorelai he was talking to, Gigi recognized her voice. She hated that Lorelai was her dad's go-to any time he didn't know what to do about Gigi. She wished he had someone else to call for advice.

"They might expel her, Lor," he said, after listing her recent transgressions. "I don't know what I'm going to do. I keep having flashbacks to when I couldn't get a preschool to accept her."

"Uh-oh, return of the demon child," Lorelai said.

Gigi scowled. Demon child?

"I just don't know what happened. She hasn't gotten in this big of trouble in a long time." He asked, "Rory never did anything like this when she was in high school, did she?"

"No," Lorelai said, in what was almost a scoff. "Well, she got into a little trouble when she first started Chilton. They wouldn't let her take a test just because she was a little late, and they refused to change their stupid rule. She had a meltdown. But that wasn't her fault, she got hit by a deer. Rory, being Rory, just had to get out to make sure it was okay."

"She hit a deer?"

"No, the deer hit her. There were antler marks on my Jeep."

"Huh," he said. "It's just not fair, you know, that she doesn't have a mom like you around."

He'd told Gigi that before, that she deserved a mother like Lorelai. But if Lorelai was such great friends with Rory, how could she be the world's best mom? A mom and a friend weren't the same, Gigi knew. Then again, her mother didn't want her, and her friend found her draining. So maybe they were the same after all.

"I wish I could take all the credit there," Lorelai said. "But you know Rory, she was an angel child to begin with."

"Believe me, I know."

"So you have to give Gigi a break here," Lorelai said compassionately. "She's special too, of course, but Rory—she's extraordinary, Chris. It's not fair to measure her and Gigi with the same stick."

How thoughtful of Lorelai to put things in perspective for him. It was one thing to constantly come up short, but it was another to be so far and away inferior to her big sister that she didn't even merit comparison.

Gigi turned around and went back up to her room. She felt like stomping, she was so mad, but didn't want to be noticed. She closed the door as tears gathered in her eyes. She picked up the nearest object and threw it across the room as hard as she could. More than ever before, she wished she didn't have a sister. It was like living with a ghost who was a lot better than her. Gigi could feel the ghost's presence, but only her dad could see it.

"My daughter's Rory and the sun shines out her ass," she said in a high pitched mocking tone. She picked up the one framed photo of her and Rory and turned it face down with a thud on the shelf.

Luckily, the school officials didn't consult Lorelai Gilmore when dealing with troubled students. The guidance counselor suggested anger management classes when she returned from suspension, and Gigi started eating her lunch with the woman. It was better than facing her classmates, who surely knew no one wanted her.

Given her chosen company, her extracurricular activities came up. It was just as well, getting into Princeton should be her main priority now. "You're still taking ballet?" the counselor asked.

Gigi was silent for a moment. "No. I'm quitting."

"Oh, why?"

She jerked a shoulder up and didn't make eye contact. "I never wanted to do ballet, it was my mom. She wanted a ballerina."

"I see. Your mom lives in Paris, doesn't she?" the woman gently asked.

"Yup."

"Do you see her much?"

"I just did."

"How did it go?"

Gigi shrugged again, pretending she didn't care. "Great. She got a new job."

The counselor was quiet for a minute, her eyes narrowed, but didn't press the issue. Instead, for the time being, she handed over a sheet of activities the school offered, explaining it would be good for Gigi to fill her time with something else. "It looks like you already write for the newspaper."

"Mm-hmm," Gigi mumbled, her cheek resting on her fist as she looked down at the list of clubs and sports. She checked the box next to tennis. Something about whacking at a ball appealed to her.

When she started high school, it was a given that she'd write for the paper. It was one of those things—one of those three essential things. There was always an unnecessary book in her purse or backpack, even if she wasn't actually reading it. She accepted the coffee when a cup was offered, even though she only used it to keep her hands warm. Rory had talked up the paper, said it was fun. So Gigi always planned to write for the paper too. She had gotten good at emulating Rory, and it made her dad beam at her proudly. And why wouldn't it? That's the life he had wanted, with the perfect daughter.

Working on the newspaper was easy enough—listening to people and nosing around. It didn't involve complete discipline of her mind and body, like dancing. And what exactly did Rory ever do that was so impressive? She'd never spent hours upon hours for years, practicing to get better at something. What did she ever put her blood, sweat, and tears into? Sitting in a comfy chair to read a really big book didn't take much effort. She didn't have to put any of herself into it but her time. So she read a lot and went to Yale, big freaking deal.

Gigi checked the box next to field hockey and just imagined gripping the stick in her hands, and taking a swing at a ball. How soon could she get one of those sticks?

Her time with the counselor had not been confidential. Her father arranged his schedule to be at the house when she got back from school, though he was distracted by a grey and black striped kitten she was cradling when she walked in. He stared. "What's that?"

"A cat."

"You can't just get a pet without talking to me about it first."

"Someone was giving them away on my walk home. They weren't even for sale. No one wanted them." She looked down at the cute kitten, petting him. "He needed someone to take care of him." She blinked as her eyes started to get watery.

Chris softened. "Hey, we didn't really talk about how your visit with your mom went the other week."

"It was fine." Her voice was about to crack. She continued to focus on petting the cat. "Did you congratulate her? She got a new job at Lancome. It's a better position and she'll make a lot of money and she never has to come back." She sniffled and swallowed hard. "She doesn't want to be my mom."

"Aw, hon," Chris said, moving to hug her. "I'm sorry." His shirt was wet with her tears when he stepped back. "You can keep the cat. He's pretty cute."

It was time to accept that her dad was all she would ever have. He may have wanted his perfect daughter, but Gigi was what he got instead. She couldn't take him for granted. She had to be good. She needed to be . . . better. She needed to be the perfect daughter. She owed him that.