Kinda sorta not a letter to a president

by PixelusPrime

This is a translation of an actual short response essay I wrote about holidays. With only a few minutes left, I panicked and chose a holiday from last fanfiction I read. The prompt was a letter to a penpall about the holiday during the weekend prior. I hope you all enjoy. I know I was laughing by the time I finished this.

Dearest Megatron,

Last Saturday was the Festival of Orion Pax. It is a celebration of the death of our friend Pax. This vorn's was the biggest and greatest one yet. The femmes have always bought black crystals and wore armor similar to Optimus Prime's. During the festival, actors preformed various scenes from his life, ending with the ever so popular death mask parade. When the actors were not performing, they would pass out cube after cube of Dark Energon to those who liked their individual performances. I personally didn't like this vorn's batch. I really loved Tequila's mixed drinks though. Next vorn's celebration will occur during the Primacy, so Optimus and his command team will be required to perform two the most viewed scenes. Do you think you can visit me next vorn during the festival?

Also, where are you? Last I herd you and your mechs were out hunting for Starscream due to his treason, again. If my information is correct, I will be visiting you this next solstice. Is there any holidays or customs I don't want to be tarred 'n feathered and then repeatedly dunked into that giant, naturally occurring body of saline solution for simply transforming on my least favorite planet. I don't care how good the Energon on Earth is, you are never inviting me to that side of the galaxy.

Your favorite "dead" Prime,

Pixelus Prime