Author's Note

I'm not llama whatever the rest if that name is, I'm her friend. This is my first fanfiction. It's a Homestuck AU dealing with the aftermath of SBURB. I hope you like it :)

The rain fell on the cold hard ground. Isn't it a bit cliche for it to be raining at a funeral? Or is it just a figment of my imagination? Has my brain conjured up the image, smell and feel of rain just to give an at setting for my broken heart? I close my eyes. The rain doesn't stop. Neither does the pain.

The coffin is simple. Clean. Void of life. Filled with bittersweet memories and unlived futures. Why had it come through with me? It was just a body. She died before I entered the universe. The universe we created together.

The universe she died to save.

Why did the game screw us over so badly? Wasn't it bad enough that our planet was destroyed? That my little brother died in front of my very eyes? That all of our dreamselves were killed in a Dersian plot, destroying any hope of revival?

She was so excited. The frog had taken her so long to perfect. He was her child. She wasn't going to let anything bad happen to him.

So she jumped in front of the King's final, desperate attack. She didn't have a chance.

It was my fault. I was her Knight. I should have saved her. I should have tackled her and let the King destroy the stupid frog. She would have hated me. We would have been stuck in the game forever. I would have been happy. I'd prefer a thousand years stuck in that depressing and dangerous game with her than this hollow victory.

What's the point of having an entire universe to explore if I can't explore it with her?

Dorothy got to the end of her adventure to find she had had the power to go back home the entire time. Where are my red shoes? Why can't I see her when I click my heels three times? This universe is the real face of Oz's Wizard. Promising everything but delivering nothing. It may be cliché but if home is where the heart is then my home is dead.

I look at her face again. Memorise every single detail. I think of all the BS about death that I read in books and watched in movies a lifetime ago. She'll live on in my memory. She'll always be in my heart. She's still watching over me. She's in a better place now.

What's the point of her living on in my memory? Memory fails. It can never capture fully the life in her eyes and the sparkling smile ever present on her lips and Skaia's light shining in her hair and every single detail I ever learnt about her. Memory fails after a while and when I'm dead it will die with me. No one else in this fledgling universe ever met her. No description I give could ever capture her essence and brand it into the minds of those who listen. Her memory will die with me, so what's the point?

Realistically, how could she always be in my heart? A broken vase can't hold water. So a broken heart can't hold such a shining existence. If it hurts to even think of her then how could I keep her with me? If she brings me such pain then what's the point?

She can't still be watching over me. I left the dream bubbles behind long ago. If there really is anything left of her then why would she be watching over me? What's the point?

How does anyone know where she is now? Has anyone ever been there? Have they seen her in this 'better place'? How can they be so sure? What's the point of speculating?

What's the point of falling in love in the first place if it only causes this much pain?

What was the point of even playing the game?

I wish I'd never met her. If I hadn't told her about the stupid game in the first place then my world would still be safe. My family would still be alive. She would still be alive. And how can your heart break over someone you've never met? How can you fall in love with someone you've never met? How can you cry over someone you've never met?

If I were a Time player I'd go back to before this all happened. If I were a Mind player I may have seen it coming and have been able to do something about it. If I had any other aspect I might have been able to do something for you. But I couldn't. What's the point of being a Hope player when you have no Hope left?

What's the point of any of it?

I'm alone. I've got nothing and no one left. I've lost my world. I've lost my friends. I've lost all feeling but pain… I lost you.

When there's nothing left to live for, what is keeping me alive? What's stopping me from just falling asleep and never waking up?

Maybe I could find this 'better place' she's supposedly at.

Maybe I haven't lost all hope just yet.

Maybe...

Maybe she is still here.

Maybe this game does have a happy ending.

Maybe my Rogue of Space is right behind me.

Maybe they all are.

Maybe all I have to do is turn around.

But what if all I see is the rain? What if there is no happily ever after? What if I'm doomed to be alone forever? What if I don't have the courage to turn around and never find out for sure? Do I want to find out for sure? Will disappointment be my constant companion? Will the rain ever stop? Will she be there waiting and looking at me as if she'd almost given up waiting for me to figure this all out? What do I really have to lose?

...

I turn around.