Not gonna lie...I wrote this through clouded eyes. I know it's not the light, romantic stuff I usually write...I just had to get this off my chest. I've spent too long with this bottled up and I had to let it out.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything except the story line.

You're standing in the middle of a church, dressed head to toe in black attire. Your mascara's running and you know you look like shit, but you really couldn't care less. All you can do is stare at the lifeless body in front of you, lying in the wooden casket. Her tanned skin now pale, your heart breaks for the millionth time since she passed.

You feel new tears stinging your eyes and you can't stop the waves of grief from crashing into you, one after the other after the other. You fall to your knees, your grief at an overwhelming level, and you don't care if your reputation as the Ice Queen is tarnished. Nobody believed you had a heart and now you know they're right. Your heart is lying there with her in the casket while the rest of you is on your knees, body being wracked with sobs in the middle of the church.

You know you're causing a scene, but you can't bring yourself to care. You look up when the priest puts a hand on your shoulder, looking at you with sympathetic eyes and you can't help the breathy laugh that escapes your lips. You've never been one to deal well with sympathy. You figure it makes you seem pathetic, hell "pathetic" is in the fucking word. The priest helps you up and you wipe your eyes, spreading your mascara even more. You probably look like a raccoon, the mascara acting as your mask. The thought elicits another breathy laugh, but it comes out sounding more like a choked sob.

The priest helps you back to the casket, your legs shaky. You lean over and look back at her lifeless body. It never gets any easier and it hits you just as hard every time, but you don't collapse like last time. You lean down and kiss her forehead, her icy skin freezing your lips as if she were Death herself. A few tears drop onto her cheeks, tracing down her cheekbones and you think about how they're one of the little details you first noticed about her. You'd never seen someone with such amazing cheekbones before meeting her. You'd never met someone as amazing as her before. You can still hear her laugh ringing in your ears; your favorite melody. You can still picture her smile and how contagious it was. Still see the way her eyes would light up when she was excited and the way her bottom lip would stick out when she would pout...

Before you know it, you're sobbing again and your best friend, Cat, is helping you out of the church. She's crying too, her mascara running almost as much as yours. Her usual smiling face replaced with a look of grief and that makes you cry harder. She puts you in your car and gets in the driver's seat. She asks you if you want to go home and you're tempted to say yes. You know you can't handle seeing her again, but you know you also won't be able to handle not saying goodbye.

You look out the window, watching the houses fly by and blur together as you both make your way to the cemetery. You get there and see that they haven't lowered her into the ground yet. Everyone is grieving hard. You see her father holding it together for her mother and older sister, both bawling but you can see in his eyes that he's just as heartbroken as you are. Her best friend reduced to tears when he's normally so happy and cheerful, just like she was. The rest of your group holding red roses, the color so deep they look like they're stained with blood.

You get lost in memories of you and her. Your first date. Your first kiss. The first time you said I Love You. Your graduation last year. You're snapped out of your memories by Cat telling you everyone's gone.

You nod and make your way to her grave. Not looking at her headstone for fear of another breakdown, you lay down two roses. One black, one white, both entwined by their stems.

Before you leave, you take a deep breath and whisper 'I love you...' one last time before you walk away.

I guess I'll expand a little more on the story line. The story's being told with the reader being Jade at Tori's funeral. Tori had cancer but didn't tell Jade until about a day before she died and Jade's so grief stricken because she and Tori already had their future planned out and now she'll never know if it would've worked out or not. Tori got rushed to the hospital but they couldn't save her because there was too much blood in her lungs and her heart was being overworked that it just gave out. Her last words were 'I love more, Jade.' Like I said, it's just something to get off my chest...hasta luego mi pastelitos. Lo siento por la diatriba.