Hello dear readers! I've been absent for a bit - but not idle. I've been working on a secret snowflake for Greenstuff over on the LJ IPS board and you know that I wouldn't post something over there and not also post it here for you to enjoy! The prompt was: unrequited/requited love, Mary & Marshall, ANGST, why do you always want the one thing you can't have? Now, at first glance this has been done to death by many of us - but my Marshall muse woke up and went nuts with this idea. I hope you enjoy this fic - it is the most ANGST-Y piece I've written to date. And yes, it's a long, multi-chaptered story. My Marshall muse still doesn't know the meaning of the word "succinct".

Disclaimer: I don't own IPS. If I did, the show would still be on the air and M&M would be kicking ass on a weekly basis.

"Say something- I'm giving up on you

Say something. . . ."

Present Day

I've only loved two women in my life.

The problem is that both of them are still very much alive. I'm married to one: I come home to her every night and share a bed with her. The other one I work with every day, and though she is no longer my partner, we still work closely together – close enough for my feelings to remain in a constant state of flux that my wife needs plenty of reassurance of my love and devotion to her.

I don't blame her – my wife. Her own job at APD keeps her very busy so that our time together is precious and when something happens that takes me away from her, I'm afraid Abigail gets rather upset. It doesn't help matters that she – that we are trying to conceive. Her hormones are all over the place and I promised her before our wedding that I was not going to run every time Mary called. But this morning when the phone rang and interrupted us, I didn't have a choice. I had to go.

"What am I supposed to do, Abs? Ignore an emergency call about Nora?" I sighed in exasperation as I pulled on a pair of jeans. "Mary's out of town on a transport and-"

"Well, Nora's not an orphan! Where's her father? Or Mary's mother or sister?"

"I don't know." I stood up from the wreckage of our bed as I hunted for my dress shirt. "Where did you- here it is." I grabbed it off the floor. "I have to go – the assistant principal is taking Nora to Albuquerque General."

Abigail flung herself at me, wrapping her arms around my shoulders. "Today's the last day I'm ovulating and –"

I silenced her words with a kiss. "Abigail, listen to me. We've had sex like animals for the past couple of days. If we haven't made a baby by now-"

She recoiled from me. "What? If we haven't made one by now, it's my fault? Is that what you're saying?"

I pinched the bridge of my nose. "No, that's not what I'm saying. I'm saying we need to slow down, relax, take a break, maybe?"

Abigail yanked the covers up to cover herself. "I knew it. I knew you didn't want to have a child with me, Marshall Mann."

My mouth fell open. "How can you even say that?"

"It's pretty obvious to me that you're choosing Mary's child over any future child of ours."

I grabbed my keys off the dresser, stuffing my wallet into a back pocket. "I'm not going to have this argument with you right now. There's a hurt, scared five year old waiting for me at the hospital-"

"What if it was our child? Would you drop everything and come running?"

I shook my head. "The fact that you even have to ask that question-" I turned on my heel and left before I said something I'd regret. My phone rang in my front pocket and I fished it out to see Mary's name flashing on the screen. "Hey, Mer – I'm not there yet, but I'm on the way."

The waiting room at the ER was a mob scene.

Since I'd taken the morning off to be with Abigail, I didn't know if there had been a shooting at the mall or some neighborhood gang activity, but the place was packed and I had to wade through people just to get to the desk.

"Hi, I'm looking for Nora Paige-"

"Uncle Marshall! Over here!"

I turned my head sharply to the right and saw Nora standing on a chair, waving an arm in the air. Pushing my way through more people, I ignored their glares until I was standing in front of her. Scanning Nora from head to toe, I took in her torn stockings, the ragged hem of her school dress uniform and muddy face. But I was most concerned about the fact that her left arm was bound in a homemade sling.

"Well, you seem to be in one piece, love bug."

Nora crinkled her nose. "Don't call me that in public, Uncle Marshall – and definitely not in front of-" her voice trailed off as she nodded to the uptight silent woman next to her.

I stuck out my hand and flashed my identification with the other as the woman stood. "Marshall Mann – and you are?"

"Ms. Greyson, the assistant principal-"

I smiled. "Ah, then it was you who called Mary."

"Yes, and who exactly are you?"

"I'm Mary's supervisor and friend." I laid a hand on the top of Nora's head and she snuggled into my side. "I'm Nora's godfather, honorary uncle, and medical emergency contact. I'm also on the list of people who can pick her up from school."

Ms. Greyson frowned at me. "But not family."

"He is too!" Nora growled.

"Shh," I soothed as I lifted her into my arms. "Look, Nora's mother's lawyer has given me power of attorney to sign off on all medical forms for emergencies. You needn't worry that your school will have a lawsuit on its hands if you leave Nora in my care."

Ms. Greyson unbent a little. "I'm sorry, Mr. Mann. But these days, one can't be too careful."

I grinned. "I completely understand. Now, do we have to get a number or have you already checked in?"

Nora held up her good arm and I saw the hospital bracelet. "I'm checked in but they said I had to wait for you before they could do anything more."

Ms. Greyson cleared her throat. "I will go tell them you're here."

"Thank you." I waited until the woman had moved away before I sat down with Nora in my lap. "What happened to your arm, Nora?"

"We're alone now, Uncle Marshall."

I chuckled. "Tell me what happened, love bug."

"I fell off the monkey bars at recess."

My eyebrows rose. "And?"

Nora's eyes dropped as she fiddled with the buttons on my shirt. "And what?"

"You just fell off?"

She nodded.

Ms. Greyson's shadow fell over us and I looked up to see her frown. "That's not exactly what happened, Mr. Mann. Nora was pushed off the monkey bars by another child-"

"What!"

She held up a hand. "But not before Nora punched that same child in the face and broke his nose."

My mouth fell open in shock as I looked down at my niece. "Nora?" I spoke softly. "Is that true?"

She nodded again, still not meeting my eyes.

"I'm afraid I need to get back to the school – but Nora can fill you in on the rest. I'll need to have a conference with Ms. Shannon as soon as she gets back in town and I'm afraid Nora is suspended until after Christmas break."

My heart sank. Mary wouldn't be back until Saturday – and this was Thursday. "Can she call you on Monday? Or do you want to talk to her after the break?"

"Monday will be fine, Mr. Mann." She turned back to Nora. "Take care, Nora."

I waited until Ms. Greyson had left before I lifted Nora's chin so I could see her eyes. "What happened?"

"We were playing on the monkey bars – me and Emily when Jerry came over and started making fun of the way Emily talks," Nora whispered. "I told Em to ignore him and she did but then-"

"Nora Shannon!" A nurse called from the doorway. "We're ready to take you to x-ray now."

I held up a finger. "This conversation is not over."

"She has a broken arm, Mer, but other than that she's fine." Oh yeah, and she's suspended but let's not share that info until you're home.

"I can't believe this happened while I was out of town – you're sure she's OK?"

"She's fine – she makes a much better patient than her mother."

"Watch it, Marshall. Did she tell you what happened?"

"She started to but then we got interrupted and now we're back at the office-"

"Wait – you didn't take her back to school?"

Oops, think fast, Mann. "Uh, well, the day's basically shot, so I just decided to keep her with me."

"You're a terrible liar."

I sighed. "Mary-"

"You don't have to think of excuses to spend time with her, you know. She misses you just as much as you miss her."

"I hated missing Thanksgiving dinner this year."

"Which part? The canned yams or the burnt turkey?" Mary laughed. "I'm sure you had much better food at Abigail's family shindig."

But not better company. I cleared my throat nervously. "Ms. Greyson said she couldn't reach any of your family – where is everyone, Mary?"

There was a long pause before Mary finally responded. "Well, Mark's off somewhere with his new girlfriend Sequoia-"

"Excuse me, Sequoia?" I laughed. "You can't be serious."

"I'm so not making this up – where was I? Oh, and Jinx is off looking for Brandi."

My heart was in my throat as I whispered, "Where's Brandi?"

"No one knows. She's disappeared again – just like she did when she went down to Florida before Nora was born, remember?"

"What about George?"

"Left him with me."

"God, Mary! Why didn't you tell me? How long's she been gone? Did she leave a note? Do you think-"

"Whoa, whoa, slow down, Doofus! Yes, she left a note. It just said she needed some time and space and she'd be back." Mary snorted. "Typical, irresponsible Brandi."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"Was there a reason I should have? I'm sure she's fine and this isn't your mess, Marshall, it's just more Shannon family drama that you asked to be released from – and correct me if I'm wrong, but you have your own shit going on right now."

I pinched the bridge of my nose. "Perhaps that's the point – it would have offered a welcome distraction."

"Ouch! Things are rocky in Casa Mann, eh?"

"I'm not talking about the intimate details of my married life with you, Mer-"

"Ew, gross- I'm not asking for any details, believe me. Just know that I'm here and I care, all right? As a woman who never wanted to have a baby in the first place, I can't imagine my life without Nora in it. But to actually want and not be able to have a child- I can't even imagine that."

"We did-" I swallowed, wondering if I could even give voice to the words that I'd never spoken to another living soul. It was our deepest, darkest secret and it was eating me alive. I needed to tell someone – someone who understood me. "There was a child-"

Mary's gasp came over the line loud and clear. "What?"

"Six months ago, Abigail miscarried. It was an ectopic pregnancy- that's when-"

"I know what it is. Oh, Marshall."

"I was at a conference when it happened – I don't think Abigail's completely forgiven me for not being here, for having to go through it alone. I think she blames me – that if I'd been here, things might have been different."

"You know that's not true, right?"

I nodded and then realized she couldn't see me. "I know – but God, it hurts! And instead of talking about it, we went right into trying to get pregnant again. I guess I just needed a little time."

"Did you tell her that?"

"I tried but she accuses me of not wanting a baby with her when I do."

"I can't believe I'm going to suggest this – but it sounds like you both need some counseling. And I'd lay off the sex for a while – I mean-"

"I know what you mean, Mer, and I suggested the latter this morning. It didn't go over well."

"I don't know what to say – I'm not good at the comfort thing."

I smiled sadly. "You've helped more than you know just by listening."

"Well, it's the least I can do since you came to the rescue this morning with Nora."

I frowned. "If everyone's out of town, who has been staying with her and George?"

"Mark's mom Joanna is watching George during the day and then our neighbor Mrs. Knight stays overnight with the kids."

"Would you mind if I stayed with them instead?"

"I'd love it but I don't think Abigail's in the right frame of mind to have two rug rats running around the house-"

"No, I mean stay overnight at your place until you get back."

"Oh. Are you sure?"

"Abigail and I could use some space from each other about now and Nora needs some extra TLC – I think it's the perfect solution."

"Well, thanks, I appreciate it."

"Now that we've got that settled, tell me how things are going with the witness."

"Uncle Marshall, what's a whore?"

I looked up sharply from the newspaper that evening to see Nora standing in front of me in her PJ's, shifting from one foot to the other, her eyes wide in curiosity. "Nora Paige Shannon," I spoke softly and sternly, "Where did you hear that word?"

"From Jerry."

I searched my memory banks until I remembered our interrupted conversation in the ER. "The boy you punched in the nose?"

She nodded. "He called mom a whore."

I took a deep breath and let it out slowly as my mind began to race wildly. Obviously this child's parents knew Mary – at least well enough to gossip about her in front of their child. I set my paper aside and pulled Nora down into my lap. "I think it's time you tell me exactly what happened today, love bug, and don't leave anything out."

"You'll be mad."

I nodded. "Maybe – but even if I do, it doesn't mean I won't still love you."

Nora held up her pinky finger. "Promise?"

I hooked my large pinky around hers and shook. "Promise – now talk."

"Em and me were playing on the monkey bars when Jerry came over to us and started making fun of Em – he always does that! He teases everyone in our class, but he's really mean to Em because she has trouble saying words with lots of 's' and 't' sounds in them – mom told me what that is but I forgot-"

"A lisp."

"That's it! Anyway, I told Em to ignore him and he was like 'you gonna listen to her? she doesn't even know who her father is!' and I screamed 'I do too!' and Jerry was like 'You think you do but my dad says your mom's a whore!' and that's when I punched him and he pushed me and we both fell off the monkey bars-" Nora sniffled. "I know I shouldn't have punched him but he's a bully! Always hurting my friend Em and then he said that about mom and I know I don't know what it means but I know it's a bad word just by how he said it-" she hiccupped as the tears broke free.

Rage was building inside of me, not at the child Jerry but at his father, whoever he was. I opened my arms and Nora snuggled deeper into my chest, her tears soaking my shirt front. My fingers smoothed back her blond curls and I could feel her breathing even out as her tears slowed and her body relaxed in sleep. Leaning down, I pressed a kiss to her forehead as I stood to carry her to her bed.

"Don't go," she whimpered in her sleep.

So like her mother. Tough as nails when awake but when she's sleepy and her guard is down- I shook my head to clear it of the long ago memories. I tried hard not to focus on how right it felt to have Nora, Mary's child, cradled in my arms. How I wanted her to be my- No. How I wanted a child with Abigail, my wife.

"I'll be right here when you wake up, love bug," I promised as I tucked her in and watched as she rolled to the side and clutched Biscuit the second. I had haunted toy store after toy store until I found the replica teddy bear of the one that Mary had grown up with and Brandi had given away to a drug addict's baby years later. When I had given it to Nora on her first day home from the hospital, Mary had cried, but blamed it on the residual hormones in her body. As I backed slowly out of Nora's room and went to Mary's to check on George, my phone buzzed and I looked down to see Abigail's face on the screen and I hesitated before answering.

I've only loved two women in my life – my wife and my ex-partner. The problem is I'm trying to build a life with one while the other already has what I want and cannot have.

A/N: Thoughts? Love it? Hate it? Want more? Push that little button and give me some love in reviews!