Chapter One: Turning Us Into Monsters
You look up lazily as he left the room, noticing with discontent that he didn't even look back. Slumping down into your seat, you scratched your paper with your pen to pass the time, drawing everything you were thinking. It turned out to be nothing but red garbage. Garbage garbage garbage. Just how you felt. Like garbage. The teacher above you is calling your name but you can't be bothered to do anything but look up at them for a moment before your eyes fall to your paper again. You notice the teacher give up and walk away but you pretend you don't.
You should have gone after him, demanding an explanation for the crumpled note in your pocket. Demanding an explanation for the empty feeling in your chest that returned after a long while of feeling as if lead was replacing the hole. It's because you are garbage. He was just playing in the trash before he took a shower and left that dirty existence behind.
Something you did must have bothered him. The way you look and the way you are, probably. You act like a jerk and you look like a truck hit you at all hours of the day.
"Karkat."
Oh great, that nosy teacher is back again. She leans down next to your desk and is asking why Sollux left so suddenly. You can't really bring yourself to answer right now, still confused about the whole thing. You just can't take her questioning anymore so you just slink out of the opposite side of your seat and grab your backpack from under your seat. What's the point of taking the paper with you? It was just garbage. She tries to stop you from leaving, demanding an answer. The nerve, asking you when you don't even get answers.
"Fuck off!" you hear yourself yell. Where did that come from? Oh god no, you better just roll with it. "Leave me alone!" Tears are starting to burn your eyes from the humiliation of the whole class staring at you and the anger of being disturbed. Your feel your hand quickly cover your face and you are out the door and running across the wet grass frantically towards your car.
The dark blue 2 door piece of shit is in your sights soon, despite the blurriness of tears sticking to your eyelashes. Your feet automatically take you in, and your hands are slamming the door and grabbing at your seatbelt. One hand stops and the other does too, until you have stopped all movement and are just sitting in your car frozen staring out of the windshield.
Then you are moving again but much more calmly than before, even though the tears are back and you don't even try to get rid of them. At some point you remember hearing that tears clear your pores and god knows you need any help for your skin that you can get.
Before you start your car, you need to find the cd labeled 'long days' and have it ready. Security is moving across the grass to the parking lot so it's now or never. You back out pretty quietly but then shift into drive and peel out of the parking lot. It feels pretty good until you realize that what you have done is probably the dumbest thing you could have done. Thank god that your parents aren't around anymore to see this.
King Park by La Dispute comes on and you sing along, until the end comes on and you have to pull over to the side of the road to scream out parts of the end in between your gross sobbing. A car passing slows down but keeps going when it's obvious your car is fine. Yeah, your car will be fine as long as you can keep yourself stable enough to get home.
A lighter song comes on and you wipe your face on your sleeve, thinking that you should throw it in the wash when you get home. That's it, just focus on getting home. You turn off your caution lights and throw on your blinker, waiting for a truck to pass before getting back on the road. The bumpy road serves as a distraction until you pull into the parking lot of your apartment. Praying that Gamzee is not home, you walk up a couple flights and slide your key into the door.
"Gamzee?" you call into the dark apartment, noticing his shoes sitting in a pile by the door. You slip off your own shoes and leave them side by side pointing towards the door like you always do, and you are just about to enter the kitchen when Gamzee comes around the corner, turning on a light and blinding himself.
"What's up, fucker?" he asks playfully while rubbing his eyes. The noise you make in the back of your throat doesn't sound human but you think that if you tell Gamzee what's up you might cry again.
"What's wrong?" Gamzee is now looking straight at you and even though you haven't said anything yet you look up too quickly and confirm his suspicions.
"You've been crying." He says.
You nod slowly, looking down and away.
"Why?"
You still aren't able to say anything just yet, so you pull the note out of your jacket pocket and are holding it in your hand, trying to decide if he should see. He makes up your mind for you and grabs it from you. He's sleepy, so it takes a couple tries for him to decipher the scribbly handwriting but when he does he crumples it up and throws it in the trash.
"Sollux is an asshole. I never liked him anyway." Gamzee turns his nose in the air like a snooty know it all before he drops it and brings you in for a hug.
"I'm sorry, bro. I wish I knew what to do for you." He consoles you and you are trying so very desperately to hold your tears in but they escape and suddenly you are hugging him back and shaking with sobs. You both stand there for a while before Gamzee brings your face out from his sweaty bare chest and wipes you off.
"Stop, the tears will make me beautiful!" you laugh while crying and he starts to giggle too and even though you were just standing there a minute ago crying, now he is trying to hold you up as you both laugh about something he probably doesn't even understand. Your laugh made him laugh and it's hard to stop. Your sides start hurting and you are holding onto Gamzee to stop yourself from tumbling onto the floor but you both go down anyways.
When you have both gotten a hold of yourselves, Gamzee pulls you to your feet and you lean against the counter in the kitchen. He catches sight of the clock on the oven and pulls his phone out of his pants to check it too.
"You're home early!" he says, scratching the back of his head. You nod your head, wondering when the school was going to call Gamzee anyway.
"Best case scenario, everyone gets amnesia and forgets about the whole thing. Worst case- I'm expelled." You explain, heaving a deep sigh and turn away to look through the cupboards. Nothing good but mac n cheese so you pull out a box.
"What did you do?"
"Told my teacher to fuck off and burnt rubber driving off in a huff." The words come out of your mouth quickly. "I'm sorry." You add. You don't move, staring down the box of mac n cheese as if it was at fault for your screw ups.
"I understand. Now, get another box, I want some."