I love you.
The truth she felt in those words as she spoke them was surreal to her. Never in a million years would she have guessed that she would find herself here, in Canada, kissing her bride-to-be goodnight.
She smiled at Carmen one last time before heading off to the bar with her dad.
"She's a great girl, Shane" he said, a smile on his face.
"Yeah, she really is" Shane replied as the elevator doors opened.
The two of them walked towards the bar in a comfortable silence, each lost in their own thoughts.
"Hey, I'm going to get a drink, you want something?" Gabriel asked, looking over at the bar eagerly.
"Yeah, sure, anything's fine" replied Shane, but Gabriel was already walking away.
That didn't bother Shane though – she was lost in thoughts of the next day, yet again. She pictured Carmen walking down the aisle, her bronze skin glowing, long dark hair shining, smiling that smile that made Shane's heart melt every time she saw it, while her warm, chocolate colored eyes shone. Eventually, she would reach the altar, where Shane would be waiting in the unique but simple vintage attire she had acquired with Alice's help.
Shane was still in the daze of her fantasy when something caught her attention – her father, Gabriel, leading a tall blond woman out of the bar.
"I'm sorry, I'm not proud of this, it's just who I am, okay?" he said to her on his way out.
No, it's not okay, she wanted to scream at him. Apparently, the look on her face got the message across to him, because he gave her a knowing look and said "you know what I mean", and then walked out with the blond woman.
Shane stood there, realization dawning on her.
I'm getting married tomorrow.
Marriage. A commitment, a promise to stay true and loyal to one person.
Am I ready to make that promise? What if I end up breaking it? I don't want to be like him… I can't hurt Carmen like that… but can I really change my ways of thinking?
Shane felt dizzy as a seemingly endless stream questions bombarded her thoughts at that moment. She felt the room spin as her father's words echoed in her head. You know what I mean. Those five simple words had caused all this confusion. She stumbled up to her hotel room in haze, numb all over. She stared at her reflection in the bathroom mirror.
I can't do this.
Shane pulled out her suitcase, threw her clothes in, and wrote on a note on a napkin she found.
Alice,
I can't get married tomorrow. I'm not ready for this. Tell Carmen I said I'm sorry. I'm not proud of this, it's just who I am.
-Shane.