If you remember me then I don't care if everyone else forgets.
Haruki Murakami
Prologue
She lugged her sister after her, her small hand fitted in her own. Passerbys gave them looks, some pity and some bitter surprise. A frown set on her face. There were smears of dirt on her cheeks, she realized. She would have to wash them off. "Clarissa?" Her eight year old sibling called, her voice tired. They had been walking for about an hour. She didn't even notice. She blinked her eyes.
"Yea, El?" She stopped them against a brick wall of an abandoned building. Slumping against the hard surface, she turned to the blond haired child. She looked nothing like her. Her little sister's orbs were a stormy grey while hers were a radiant green.
"I need food. Please." The small demand made Clarissa's heart lurch. She released a shaking breath.
"Alright." She would never say no to her. Never. If Clarissa had to go to the ends of the Earth for whatever she wanted, she would gladly. Ellie was her soul and half of her body. Anything that hurt her damaged a part of her too. "Let's go."
She knew where to go. The gas station was not far. She hated that gas station but it was all that offered. It was her only choice. New York was a treacherous city, at least for the two of them. They knew no one and they would not ask or plea for help. Clarissa had long taught Ellie never to ask for anyone and to never beg of someone. She wanted her to learn from her stupid mistakes. The weather was humid. It had just rained only an hour ago and the streets were still puddle filled. Leaves were scattered on cement, the aftermath of autumn.
She bit her lip as they made their way past vehicles that were placing gas into their tanks. The scent of tobacco filled the air and she told Ellie to hold her breath. They made it inside and her sister puffed away her cheeks, a small smile on her thin lips. The man at the other side of the glass and in front of the register saw them, his discolored eyes widening. Then he sneered loudly though there were customers who looked his way skeptically.
She whirled to Ellie. "Eat what you want now. I'll be right back."
The words didn't bring reassurance. "Are you sure?" Her yellow eyebrows were scrunched in concern.
"Yea." The girl gave her a tight embrace and strolled to the cake section, pulling out several containers and opening them. Clarissa watched her for a few long moments. And then she faced the man who had already opened his door, his hairy arm jerking forward. He beckoned her closer and reluctantly she came.
It felt like no one was ever looking. No one did. Humans were vile things. They were cruel and cared only for themselves. Truly wicked. Clarissa vowed to never lower herself for them if only for the sake of her sister. Her eyes met his and she shut hers for a second then opened them. "Twenty minutes." His tone was full of lust and if she had the power and the will she would have kicked him in the spot and make quite a mess doing it.
"Alright, princess. Thirty bucks."
She stiffened and they both met in the men's bathroom where her dignity had long been shattered and he slowly laughed as he pulled her clothes piece by piece. Through it all, she thought of Ellie.
[]
Her scowl was deep and her mouth trembled in slight anger. "You said you wouldn't be long." They were sitting on the cement walk, Ellie offering her a brownie amongst the other things she had stolen from the small mart.
Clarissa tugged at her shirt. It seemed much looser now. "I know. And I'm sorry."
"What do you do there anyway? I don't get it." Ellie was a curious child, always asking questions where there were answers.
She placed the chocolate slice into her mouth and chewed. "I had to use the bathroom. You know that." The statement was careless as if she wanted to make her younger sister understand that it was nothing.
Ellie shrugged her shoulders. "Okay." And they ate silently, Clarissa fingering the twenty dollar bill and the ten dollar bill in her hands. Maybe new clothes. They did need it. She glanced at the attire Ellie was wearing and felt immediately sorry. Yes, that's what she would spend her money on. She needed to look normal. Other kids didn't live like her.
Night was slowly coming and the atmosphere seemed to glow with light. Manhattan was entering its prime. She felt a smile prick her lips. The moon appeared like it was inches away from her. She reached her fingers towards the white sphere, expression wistful. "Clarissa? Sing me the song."
She barely nodded as they both rose to their feet. She held out her larger hand and the girl clung to it gladly. Together, they wandered the loud and busy streets, heads tucked to risk comments. Clarissa rubbed circles onto Ellie's back and began, her voice soft.
So the flower lay next to the tree
Glorious and hidden with glee
She sat by him at day, she sat by him at night
Until his own branches fell from her sight
And oh, she cried
She cried and cried again
Her petals wavering by his side
But then he left, his leaves afloat
She stayed there waiting hoping for his light
But all that was given was her remains of delight
Remains of delight
Remains of delight
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