Boss has been at the adoption center longer than any other Bitty. He's also been returned more times than anyone cares to count. He has long since given up on the idea of being adopted but one oddly laid back individual decides to give him one more chance.

*Many writers like to depict Underfell Papyrus as a bumbling villain who is a giant softy on the inside. This often carries over into the Bitty Bones version of him. I'm not going to do that here. I imagine Underfell Papyrus as being what he was intended to be: intelligent, mean-spirited, rude, self-centered, cunning, hating weakness, impatient, and bossy. That's what I imagined for his Bitty Bones version,too. To him friendship, love, loyalty and all the good things in life must be earned

I saw them nearly everywhere: Bitty Bones, the tiny monsters that people adopted as little companions. I never really paid them much attention until I saw one of my co-workers, Toby and his wife in the grocery store one day. Perched on Toby's shoulder was a little man made totally of flames. He seemed to be wearing glasses, a black suit, and a... bartender's apron? Toby introduced me to his little friend. I don't know what it was about the tiny, soft spoken, flame monster but something about him flipped a switch inside of me. Later that night I did a little research on them. I found the official website for Bitty Bones and browsed through the many different kinds. Most of them seemed to be small (smol) skeleton monsters but there were others that looked like the little flame monster Toby had. The more I read about them, the more my interest in them grew. It was fascinating how each of them had their own personalities. After browsing a few more entries I had made up my mind. Tomorrow I would be paying the local adoption center a visit.

When I walked into the center I had no plan in mind. I wasn't sure what I was looking for, all I knew was that I wanted to adopt. I gazed around the room at all the different Bitties as they went about their business. Most seemed too occupied with other patrons or each other to pay me any attention. That's when I saw him. Over in a gloomy corner of the room, all by himself, was a rather large skeleton Bitty with a rather sour expression on his face. He was wearing a black and red suit that made him look like some kind of supervillain. My interests were peaked. I spoke to an obnoxiously perky worker (her name tag said "Tina") who seemed far too happy to answer my questions. I asked her about the adoption process and other things I needed to know about taking care of Bitties. Then I asked her about the angry looking Bitty in the corner. Instantly her demeanor soured.

"Oh," she said with an unhappy expression. "Everybody calls him Boss."

"Boss, huh?" I muttered gazing over at the still sulking (skullking) skeleton. His head was turned in my direction and he seemed to be glaring at me. Images of cowering henchmen popped into my head. "Gee Boss, how was we s'posed ta know Superman would show up?" They were saying. I smiled slightly at my imagination. I turned back to Tina.

"Why is he so... you know...?"

"Grumpy?" Tina said with a small frown. I nodded. The worker sighed in an exhausted manner.

"Boss has been here for a while. Actually he's been here longer than all the others. He's been adopted at least fifteen times or more but everybody keeps bringing him back."

I balked. Fifteen times!?

"Why'd they bring him back?" I asked. She gave another tired sigh.

"Well, he's a little bit of a trouble maker. Not as bad as an Edgy, mind you, but he still causes trouble." she explained. I had to think for a moment as to what an Edgy was when I actually saw one out of the corner of my eye. Then my memory jogged: Also wears red and black, gold tooth, likes mustard, will bite. Oh yeah.

"But he did once toss a table at someone once." Tina added in a near whisper. I gave her a wide-eyed "please-tell-me-you're-joking look". She gave me a very serious "I-only-wish-I-was-joking" look in return.

"The truth is, he's really mean and nasty to people. Even the other Bitties are scared of him. I don't think he's really interested in being adopted." With that, her perky attitude returned. "Just let me know if you need anymore help, okay?" She bounced off seemingly happy to be done with the unpleasant conversation.

Now any normal middle aged woman would have lost any and all interest in "Lord Hater" over there, but I'm not a normal middle aged woman. The idea of having my very own mini super-villain actually had me inwardly squealing with delight. Did he really throw a table at somebody? How? Surely he was too small to pull something like that off. There was only one way to find out and that was to ask him.

When I approached him he was pulling the electronic insides out of various gaming devices. I'm no expert on such things but it looked ever so slightly like he was making a bomb. I cleared my throat. He glared up at me.

"Make it quick." He snapped, clearly not in the mood to be social. It was then that I realized I had no idea how to start a conversation with him. How do you talk to someone who doesn't want to talk to you? So I just blurted out the first dumb thing that came to mind.

"So... I heard you threw a table at someone..." Smooth.

The evil looking Bitty gnashed his sharp looking teeth at me and snarled. "Yes. As a matter of fact I did. The human was very fond of wasting my time. Much like yourself!"

Well, we're certainly off to a good start. I started to say something else but he interrupted me.

"Let's get to the point, shall we?" he said with a impatient growl. "I'm not cute or soft or fuzzy. I won't cling to your leg and cry every time you go to work in the mornings. I will not allow you to make me wear ridiculously cute clothes no matter how hard you worked on them or how much they cost. I will not make friends with your filthy, slobbering pets. I will not be nice to your insipid friends or family members. I will not cuddle with you or even allow you to put your worthless hands on me, especially without my permission! "

At this point his eye sockets began glowing with a sinister red light. I backed up a little. I was not expecting this!

"And most importantly, don't think for a moment that you can get on my good side by trying to pamper me. I'm not a pet but I am certainly not your child, so don't get it into your empty, bleach soaked head that I will EVER refer to you as my mother!"

The glow in his eye sockets vanished and he seemed to calm down a bit. I still kept my distance though.

"Now that all that is out of the way, if you are no longer interested in... adopting... me then be on your way. I would rather have my own ribs removed than listen to any more of your foolishness."

I just stared at him. Well, how was I supposed to respond to that? I also noticed how deathly quiet the adoption center was. I glanced over my shoulder to see the other Bitties cowering behind various toys, small furniture, and each other. An Edgy bitty had the nerve to laugh at the stupid look on my face but a fierce glare from Boss sent him scampering behind a Softy that was somehow sleeping standing up.

The moment had passed and my brain finally turned back on.

"Well," I said "Most of that's not really a problem. I mostly work out of my home so I don't have to leave to go to work except on Mondays. I don't have any pets because they aren't allowed in the apartments. Bitties are okay though!"

Here Boss gave me a very pointed look and crossed his bony arms.

"... You know... 'cause they... aren't pets..." I added nervously. "I go to visit my family every other weekend. They don't really come over. As for all that other stuff, I wouldn't want to make you uncomfortable." I made it a point to leave out the fact that I never really had any friends.

I also realized what the conversation the Bitty and I symbolized. Was I actually going to adopt him? A ton of paper work and about 3 hundred dollars worth of merchandise later, it seemed the answer was "yes". Getting him to the car was a bit of a challenge. He'd already stated that he did not want me picking him up and he flatly refused to go into the carrier I'd been provided. As he put it:

"I will not be caged and carried about like a pet rat!"

Well okay then.

So Boss marched like a pro out the door and towards the parking lot, trying his best to look like a bad ass and not like the teeny weeny little monster that he actually was. I had to bit my lip to keep from laughing at him.

When we finally made it to my car (his tiny booted feet don't cover much ground too quickly) he stood at the passenger door and looked at me in an expecting manner. I opened the door for him and he climbed into the passenger seat and, with some difficulty, buckled himself in. Only the bottom strap of the seat belt covered him and it completely covered his middle. If he had been one of the smaller Bitties the seat belt would have covered him completely. He had his arms folded across his chest and was wearing a decidedly unhappy expression. He seemed tired more than anything, probably from that long walk across the parking lot. From what I had seen even the most rugged of Bitties would seem at least somewhat excited about being adopted. Boss was acting like it was more of an inconvenience than anything else. Then I remembered: This wasn't his first rodeo. He'd been adopted and returned so many times that the idea of adoption in itself probably no longer mattered to him. That made my heart break a little. As nervous as I was I was still excited about my new buddy. I guess it would have been nice if he felt the same way. Mostly I just wanted the little guy to be happy.

Once I got all of his equipment loaded into the back seat I got into the car, put on my seatbelt ('cause safety first and all that shit), and started up the car. The drive was uncomfortably silent. Several times I tried to start a conversation with Boss but he would only grumble a curt reply or not reply at all. It was too quiet. I reached over to turn on the radio. As soon as the peppy 80's pop music filled the air Boss began covering his non-existent ears.

"Must I be forced to listen to this unholy caterwauling?" he demanded, grinding his sharp teeth. I quickly hit the button flooding the car with silence once more.

"Sorry. I just don't like quiet car rides." I said. "I should have asked, though."

Out of the corner of my eye I could see Boss giving me a look of surprise which quickly faded into one of skeptizism. skepticism. "Hmph. Yes. You should have asked." he muttered. A moment later he added, "but if you must listen to that hideous cacophony you could at least do so at a reasonable volume."

I shot him a pleased smile. He just grumbled something and turned his empty glare out the window. I reached for the radio dial but stopped when a thought occured to me.

"What kind of music do you like?" I asked.

Boss looked at me as if I had asked him the meaning of life. He sputtered in slight annoyance for a moment then just stared at me. I had no idea what his problem with the question was at first but when it dawned on me it took a bit of effort to keep from driving off the road and into the ditch. Had no one else ever asked him that before?

After a moment of quiet contemplation he answered, "I don't know what I like." He said it using the softest, least grumpy voice I'd ever heard him use.

I nearly wrecked again. How could he not know what he liked? Had none of his previous adopters bothered to find out? This got me thinking about all the "rules" he'd listed of all the thing he refused to do. I thought he was just being hateful as Boss Bitties are prone to do. Now I realized that those where things that people had actually put him through. While none of it was abuse in the traditional sense it was still highly embarrassing and disrespectful to try to force him to do those things. Had no one ever given any consideration to his feelings at all? And afterwards he probably acted out in a violent manner. Was that the reason he'd been returned so many times?

"Do you want to be in charge of the radio then?" I asked him. "That way you don't have to listen to garbage and I don't have to sit in silence."

I glanced at him. He seemed to be deep in thought. A few minutes later I heard the radio turn on. I smiled. I didn't know it then but that single moment of respect had opened the door to better things for the both of us.