A rippling portal interrupted the serenity of open space. A small ship burst through the dimensional hole. "A new universe, a new start, you hear me, Morty, a new universe, Morty?" Rick stuttered, turning on the wipers in an attempt to clear the blood from the windshield. Morty sat, hugging his knees. His eyes wide. Concern Shadowed Rick's face, but only momentarily. "Look, Morty! Down there, that blue speck, that's our destination, Morty! Earth of C0003!"
The ship sputtered, curving as the coordinates were set for the tiny dot. Morty watched the planet grow closer, a view that no longer filled him with awe. Instead, his mind kept flashing back to the few hours before they arrived in this universe, to Summer, to his mom and his Dad. Genetic Cleansing was what they had called it…or something along those lines…one of the countless governments that held a grudge against Rick had decided the universe would be best without any variation of his genetics in it. They had damn near succeeded in their mission.
The ship entered the atmosphere. "Home sweet home!" Rick announced with a loud burp. "If my calculations are correct the Rick and Morty in this universe are about to get sucked into a dimensional rift that they won't be coming back from…anytime soon," he pressed the petal to the floor, the ship rocketed bumpily through the night sky. "Oh, Morty! Oh! There is something real special about this place, trust me Morty you're going to love it!"
Morty looked over at Rick for the first time since their narrow escape. He swallowed and gave a rigid laugh. "Yeah, Rick, looks like an awesome place…very, Earth..y."
A series of lights on the dash began to flicker. "Oh, fuck, Morty! We're getting close, Morty!"
"Close to what?"
"C0003 Rick and Morty! They're about to be displaced in space and time! It's going to be terrifying, Morty! I'm getting a boner just thinking about it."
"Do we have to watch, Rick?"
"Do we have to watch? No, Morty…" Rick's voice softened. "If, if you think it will be too much for you we can…we can GO AND GET YOUR BIB AND BA-BA YOU FUCKING BABY! Of course we have to watch, Morty. Space is literally about to be torn open and they are going to be consumed, consumed, Morty! They'll be displaced in space and time forever, Morty! Alone and scared until their tiny minds snap from the sheer impossibility of eternity! Of course we're fucking watching!"
The ship bumped on, Morty watched the horizon until the familiar shape of his house rolled into view.
"We're hooome, Morty!" Rick cheered.
The ship gave another series of beeps. "Goddammit!" Rick cursed.
"What now?" Morty turned, looking away from the house below.
"You've just witnessed something extremely rare, Morty. I'm talking once in a lifetime. Seriously, like, never going to see it again, Morty!"
Morty's eyebrows drew together in confusion. "What is it? I don't feel like any guessing games tonight, Rick."
"Okay, no need to depressingly jerk yourself off. The miracle, Morty," Rick tore off a long strip of paper that printed from the dash. "The miracle is that I was wrong, I miscalculated, Morty."
Morty snorted. "Yeah, that never happens..."
"Well, since you obviously have a few extra chromosomes and aren't going to ask, I'll tell you what I was wrong...what I miscalculated. I said they were going to be fucked by space-time tonight, Morty. Well, it's actually tomorrow night."
Morty sat up, pressed his hands against the glass dome of the ship and looked down at the familiar house. Inside he knew that Summer was curled up on the couch and a duplicate of himself was very likely in bed with his hand down his boxers. Beth and Jerry, they were probably fighting.
"Is that clear, Morty?" Rick snapped his fingers.
"Huh?"
"Seesh, Morty get your head out of your ass. I said, under no circumstances are we to interact with the Smith family of C0003 until after the Rick and Morty of this universe have been sucked into the vortex. I don't want to fuck up our chances of assimilating."
Morty nodded. A long silence followed, occasionally interrupted by the sound of scattering cans and bottles as Rick rummaged for an unopened beer. Eventually he found one, took a long swing and pressed his foot to the pedal. They sped off.
The ship roughly landed in a filthy parking lot. Outside a rundown motel stood in the shadow of a blinking neon sign that read "Budget Inn."
Rick burped and pushed open his door, empty cans bounced and clattered against the pavement as he stepped out. Morty looked the place over, sighed and stepped out.
"Here, Rick? I think I'd rather spend the night in the ship."
"Oh, sorry, Morty. I forgot to empty my banking account and collect all my funds as our loved ones were being slaughtered around us. I'm so sorry, Morty that we can't spend the night in luxury, Morty. Next time when I'm watching the brains of our family splatter against the walls, I'll try and run to the bank and get a withdraw before we escape!"
"Alright. Alright. Geeze, Rick."
Rick sniffed and headed towards the check-in. "Wait out here" he said.
Their room was tiny, with a single bed in the middle and a crusty bathroom. Rick tossed a duffle bag on the floor and rummaged through it. He stood up with a gun-like device and pointed it at the bed. A wide beam of red light shot from the tip. Rick scanned the bed and the room buzzed slightly. The smell of burning hair lingered as Rick shut the device off.
"Just vaporizing the bed bugs, blood and cum stains." Rick announced as he sat on the corner of the mattress.
"Yeah, good thinking." Morty answered automatically. He too sat down on the bed, suddenly overwhelmingly exhausted.
"Oh!" Rick jumped up excitedly. "Morty, you remember when I told you there was something real special about this place?"
"Yeah," Morty answered, his curiosity buzzing despite his exhaustion. "What is it?"
Rick strolled to the door and opened it, motioning that Morty should follow him. "It'll be more interesting to show you."
Morty stood with a sigh and followed Rick out. Rick held a finger to his lips and crept a few doors down. He pulled out a pen-like device. Morty heard a buzzing sound and the door clicked open. Inside the room was larger and cleaner than the one they had rented, it had two beds and a TV. Rick turned on the TV and flipped through the channels. He stopped at a channel that showed a message about seeing the front desk for adult packages. Rick used the buzzing device again and the channel blinked to life.
On the screen a man, who Morty assumed was a plumber by the way he dressed, was bent over on the floor, halfway under a sink making repairs. Another man entered the bathroom. "I hope you aren't having too much trouble fixing my pipes." The second man said, licking his lips as he looked down at the man.
"I've had harder jobs," the plumper responded. The second man knelt and mounted the man, pressing himself against the plumber's raised ass.
"Harder than this?" The man asked.
Morty turned away. "Gay porn,Rick? I don't know how you missed it but, uh, we had that back at home too."
"Just wait for it, Morty.." Rick said, keenly watching the screen.
Now the two men were making out, the plumper was fumbling with his jeans. After a moment he pulled them down and..."
"What?!" Morty gasped. "He has-"
"Yeah, Morty, yeah he does! That's two dicks Morty! Two hard dicks!"
The other guy pulled down his pants.
"He does too?!" Morty looked at Rick.
"Everyone here does, Morty! Well, every guy, Morty. Every guy has two dicks!"
"And the girls?"
"Two dicks also! Nah, just messing with you, although I've been to a universe..."
"Do they have two...you know?"
"Pussies? Yeah, Morty...they sure fucking do! Isn't awesome, Morty?!"
"I don't, Rick...I mean, I mean, we won't exactly fit in."
On the screen the men were moaning as they took turns sucking and jerking on each other.
"Don't worry your extra chromosomes, Morty! I'm working on it." Rick rushed out the room. Popping his head in quickly. "Enjoy the movie, Morty. Just clean up when you're done!" He closed the door and Morty was left in the light of the TV. The sound of heavy breathing filled the room as the plumber pushed himself inside the other man, jerking his extra dick as the man rode his other one.
Morty sat on the bed and sighed.
Two dicks was cool but all he wished for was his home. A permanent home.
Morty entered the filthy cramped room, zipping his pants up and sitting down roughly on a tattered sofa in the corner. Rick was at the opposite wall, his back to Morty as he rummaged through his bag sitting on the sink. The mirror was cracked and cloudy with smudges. Rick pulled out a long container and pressed a button on its side. The skinny box opened with a hiss. Inside, in neat rows, were tiny syringes.
"Oh yeah," Muttered Rick. "These will do nicely." Morty opened his mouth to ask what Rick was planning but a loud knock on the door drowned out his voice.
"Just in time," Rick said. He turned and headed to the door, ignoring Morty's questioning looks. He palmed one of the syringes and cracked open the door.
"Uh, were you requiring room service?" Ask a deep voice.
"Yeah, I'm in need of some service all right, come in." Rick stepped aside and a young, muscular man stepped through. He instantly noticed Morty in the corner and turned towards Rick. "Hey, man, that's a kid! It'll cost more if you trying to make this into a family event-" The man began to say but his voice faded away as Rick pushed the syringe into his neck.
The man collapsed and Morty jumped to his feet. "What the hell, Rick? A prostitute? Why did you kill him, Rick?"
"Relax, Morty! He's not dead." Rick rolled the guy onto his back. "He's just sleeping...and will be for most of tomorrow as well."
"Oh, jeeze, Rick." Morty put his hands in his pockets. "What are you up to?"
"Genetic testing, Morty. We needed a male specimen, so I called up a prostitute. I'm going to make a serum, Morty. A double dick serum. It's gonna rock, Morty."
"Rick, if you're doing this to cheer me up, or make me forget about what happened, don't. I-"
"Fuck your whiny emotions, Morty! I'm doing this for me. Two dicks, Morty. It's gonna be awesome. Besides, it's vital to our assimilation.
Rick began to set up a makeshift lab. Once his equipment was unpacked he began his experiments, drawing samples from the man passed out on the filthy floor.
Morty grew bored of watching Rick and stood to go to the bathroom. As he walked past the sink he saw the open box of syringes. He checked to make sure Rick was engrossed in his studies. He grabbed two syringes and shoved them deep into his pockets.
"Hey, uh, uh, Rick." Morty stuttered. "I'm going to get some fresh air."
"Mm hmmm, right.." Rick hummed distractedly. He never took his eye away from the microscope as Morty crossed the room and opened the door.
Outside the lamps buzzed and the neon sign blinked. If this place was as similar to his home dimension as it seemed, he was certain his house wasn't far away. He patted the syringes in his pocket and began to walk home.
The house really was identical to his own. Morty was shocked to see that the porch light even had the same flickering bulb. He walked up to the door and knocked softly. Summer answered, she opened the door with a bored look on her face. "What the hell, Morty?" she hissed. "The door wasn't even locked!"
Morty's tongue tripped on its own words as he tried to collect his thoughts. Summer's look grew agitated. "Oh my God, Morty are you on drugs, again?" She folded her arms and stepped aside. "Just go to your room and sleep it off." Morty stepped inside. The interior of the house was also identical.
He made a few attempts to talk to Summer but didn't know where to start. Explaining that he was an identical Morty from a universe in which an alternate Smith family was brutally murdered probably wouldn't be the best start for a conversation. Instead he stumbled along, still slightly amazed at just how identical this house was to the one he grew up in. He found himself walking up the stairs to his bedroom, or rather a bedroom that looked the same as the one he had slept in only days ago.
He found his old room, looked over his shoulder and stepped quickly inside, closing the door behind him.
"Wh-what the Hell, Summer?!" Said a familiar voice. "Ever heard of knocking? I mean," the voice stopped. The other Morty was in bed, his covers pulled to his chin, his forehead beaded with sweat.
"I'm from another universe!" Morty blurted out.
The second Morty reached under the covers, pulling on his boxers and slid out of bed. "That's pretty obvious." He said, rummaging around the drawer of a dresser beside his bed.
"I've come to," Morty began but before he could finish his sentence a laser gun was pointed at his head.
"I know exactly why you're here!" The other Morty growled. He reach up and pressed a button on the gun, it buzzed to life. "We knew you'd be coming.