Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters. They're all property of Marvel Comics.
Fast Food
Deadpool always found it mildly frustrating that the local Wendy's restaurant seemed to have an aversion to serving masked, genetically altered living super-weapons. It wasn't that they wouldn't serve him, they just did everything they possibly could to avoid doing it. A 'quick run' to a 'fast food' joint could take upwards to an hour and a half.
In the summer.
During non-rush-hour hours.
When he was the only customer in line.
Or even in the whole restaurant.
But, he did eventually acquire his spoils and was now merrily walking through the halls of the Weapon X headquarters with a little plastic toy in one hand, and a quickly greasing paper bag in the other.
The toy was a small, brightly coloured cartoon character made of hard plastic. It did not do anything except sit there taunting children from it's display case, hypnotizing kids into pulling on their parents cloths while screaming 'mommy I want a toy!'. All in all, they were very good at what they did.
Deadpool came to a halt at the opening of what he called the 'baby making hallway', or 'birth canal'. He disliked this hallway with it's many baby filled vats, but damned if he wasn't hungry. He began to walk down the hall, the smell of semi-real french fries and god-knows-what hamburger wafting from the bag, past his mask and against his senses. He groaned.
"I can't take it anymore," he yelped, waving the bag around. "I'm starving!"
He glanced at the many baby filled tubes all identical to one another for the most part. He narrowed his eyes before reluctantly choosing the least creepy of them all.
"Mind if I sit here?" he asked the baby floating in the non-descript chemicals. "It's not a date or anything, I like 'em older." Deadpool shrugged, reaching into his bag as he slid to sit on the ground. He pulled out what looked like a burger and pulled his mask up just enough to be able to bite.
"mmmph!" It was a tasty burger.
"By the way, sorry about the comment earlier about killin' ya. You weren't meant to hear it. Besides, I'd probably be doing you a service. This place isn't exactly Sesame Street. Not everything's A-Ok. I mean, I like it here, but I'm a few bats short of the Batty-Bat. You get what I'm saying?
Don't get the wrong idea, I'm not trying to make you and I a thing. I mean, I'm just sittin' here instead of X-22 or X-24 because-...well have you seen these other little Franken-fetuses? They all have this Children of the Damned thing going for them. Blonde hair. Or bald. You're the only one with dark hair. Why is that?
Fry? Oh right, too young. Hm. Maybe I could mash it? Nah, with whatever you're floating in, it would water down the 'tato-y goodness too much.
Anyway, you want my advice? Stay in there as long as you can. I might not know much, I might be absolutely Clockwork Orange, but trust me on this one little thing. Ok? Promise? Good."
Deadpool turned his head to get a good view of the little proto-life floating like a fishing bait in the vat, so empty and full of potential. He knew this place would ruin that tiny being and make it do unspeakable acts. As soon as it pops, it's innocence would be gone. If Deadpool really thought about it though, he would almost laugh.
He would have to, otherwise he might start screaming and never, ever be able to stop.
Author's notes: What can I say? I ship Deadpool/X-23 and her teeny tiny cameo in Hulk vs. Wolverine, plus 'Pool's comment about babies creeping him out caused my brain to do it's thinky thing./LJ-cut