Hello, guys. This is just a continuation of 5x20, so it's post that episode. I hope you all will like this fanfic.
Spencer had been crying. Maybe she made mistakes, but he had made quite a few lately, too. She felt more like a distant friend than his girlfriend, and that's what really hurt. She knew what she did that night was wrong, and she wasn't going to blame Toby. She wasn't going to say that he had 'pushed her into Jonny's arms', and 'he deserved it'. Even if they were fighting, he didn't deserve it. No one deserved to be cheated on, fighting or not. She didn't know how she felt about the kiss with Jonny, though. It was short and unexplained. He walked away before she could say anything, and she probably wouldn't see him again for a very long time.
She didn't want to lose Jonny's friendship. A romantic relationship with him? That was what she wasn't sure of. Being kissed by him felt good. She barely had time to truly kiss back, but she wasn't in denial that she didn't want it at all. Because she knew that if she truly hated it, she would have stopped him. Why didn't she hate it? She hated the thought of knowing what she did to her real boyfriend, but she felt like her relationship with Toby was the only thing making her kiss with Jonny wrong. Part of her wanted to try something new. Another part of her wanted to work everything with Toby out.
Leaving a thousand messages and calls didn't seem to help her get his attention, though. He had been avoiding them for weeks, it was no surprise that he was still avoiding them. She was just laying down on her couch, thinking about it. She was leaving for a college interview in London the day after, but she didn't know if she was ready to go without understanding and letting go. She needed closure on the situation with Toby and Jonny. She needed to talk to Toby before things became even worse than they already were. She needed to tell him about what happened. They needed to talk.
Tired of waiting for him to come to her, Spencer got up from the couch, and got in her car. She was going to drive to Toby's workplace. She was going to talk to him herself, even if it killed her. Even if he ignored her, even if he said go away, even if he broke up with her. She was going to tell him about the kiss. She needed to get it off of her chest. She needed to hear him fight for her. To show her that he at least cared enough to be jealous. Show some indicator that he was still filled with some feelings for her. She missed his affection for her being clearly displayed.
"What are you doing here?" he demanded, his eyes going wide when he saw her at the police station. His voice became a whisper as he said, "I thought I told you to walk away."
"I'm not walking away this time. Tell Tanner you need a break now," she ordered fiercely. She wasn't playing games anymore. They really needed to talk things out. "Because this can't wait. It really, truly can't wait any longer. You may have told me to walk away from that scene last night, but I'm not walking away right now. We have to talk."
He sighed before saying sternly, "Spencer, I told you that I can't do this right now."
"That's what I've been hearing a lot from you lately," she said, folding her arms. "It's always 'I can't do this right now'. Okay, then tell me when you can. I'm leaving for an interview in London tomorrow, which you would know, if you had called, regarding all the times you said 'I'll call you later'. I have to talk to you before then."
"Look, I have to handle things this way. There are things you just don't understand right now, and I can't talk about this here. Please. I... can't," he repeated, running a hand through his hat. "Go home, Spencer. Just, go home."
Spencer brushed right past him, but she wasn't leaving the station just yet. She wasn't giving up. If Toby knew what she was going to say, then he would probably listen up. She had to let him hear it. So, she barged right into Tanner's office, much to Toby's dismay. He was mouthing words and begging her not to enter, but she didn't seem to care. She was determined to have this conversation right at that very moment.
"Spencer?" Tanner questioned, looking up curiously. "What brings you here today?"
"This is about Toby," she said, folding her arms. "I know you have a lot of work to do. I get it, that's what happens at a police station. But he's always busy. And he's my boyfriend. I have to talk to him. I'm having a serious crisis, and I need my boyfriend for just one minute. He keeps insisting that he's busy doing your work. Can you please, please just let him talk to me for a moment?"
Tanner raised an eyebrow before answering with a fake smile, "Oh, I wouldn't want to disturb your relationship. Please, go ahead."
Toby showed up at the doorway of Tanner's office, wide-eyes.
"What is going on here?" he asked nervously.
"Your girlfriend wanted you to have a break to talk to her," Tanner explained with a smirk. "Surely, I have no problem with it, Officer Cavanaugh. Be back soon."
She didn't even ask him, she just grabbed his arm and pulled him outside. They left the station doors. She needed to make sure that she didn't put his job in risk. Tanner could probably use anything she said against her. Spencer understood where Toby was coming from, just a little bit. But she didn't understand the full story, and she didn't know if she ever would. All she knew was that Jonny was gone because of Toby, and she had made one major wrong decision. Also, she knew that she had no clue what she wanted from either Toby or Jonny.
"That was a risky move you just made!" Toby warned. "I could have gotten in trouble with Tanner. She barely trusts me as it is. I didn't need it becoming worse."
"Can you please tell me if I'm your girlfriend or just some person you scream at occasionally?" Spencer pleaded. "I'm sick of waiting around. We haven't spoke in weeks, and when we do, it's awkward. I want things to be right again. You let me down when you made Jonny move out. I lost a friend. He can't afford to stay with me anymore because of you."
"I'm trying as hard as I can to keep you off of Tanner's radar, why can't you see that!?" Toby cried, shaking his head. "I didn't expect you to understand, anyways. And I wasn't trying to take Jonny away from your house. I didn't mean anything like that. I was responding to a call I got. I knew you couldn't afford to be arrested with your Bethany bail, and that's why I let you go."
"You didn't care that you left him homeless and broke?" Spencer asked, folding her arms and raising her eyebrows. "You didn't care that I care about him? It felt biased to me. You should have taken me with him."
"No, I wasn't going to do that. I didn't arrest him to get back at you, or show you who is in charge!" Toby yelled. "I have a job to do, and I can't keep breaking the rules. You both committed a crime."
"You don't get it," Spencer said, shaking her head.
"Yeah, I think I do. You vandalized Hollis with him, and tried to steal back the painting," Toby said, sighing. "Whether or not that art belonged to the business or not, it didn't belong to you both. Vandalizing Hollis was already a crime. It wasn't your property."
"You can't do this to Jonny!" Spencer cried.
"Since when did it become all about damn Jonny?" Toby asked, swallowing hard.
"Since when did it become all about your damn job?" Spencer fired back, giving him a look of disgust and disapproval. "I'm pissed about this."
"Maybe it was biased not to arrest you, but you got out of it. If any other cop came, you both would have been taken to the station. And Jonny would have taken bail and been exactly where he is now. Everything, for you, would have been ruined. Tanner would have exactly what she needs to pin Bethany and Mona on you," Toby explained. "I'm doing this because I want to be on the inside. It's not all about the job, it's about you. But sometimes I have to keep a certain level of loyalty to the position I hold."
"Don't pretend like this is all for me, because I know it's not," she said, shaking her head. "You told me it was, but I'm not so sure anymore. I'm falling apart. And you know who has been there for me all this time? Jonny."
"Did you come here to rub this in to me that I can't always be there for you?" Toby asked, flaring his nostrils.
"No, I didn't. And you're never there for me anymore, actually," she snapped. "I came here because I thought we could talk things out, but clearly, it's becoming worse. And by the way, Jonny kissed me. I didn't kiss back. But I didn't stop him."
And suddenly a knot grew in Toby's stomach. What did she just say to him? It sounded like the description of another guy kissing her, and her cheating. He knew what he was hearing. His heart never hurt so badly. He watched her. She stood there, waiting for a reaction. He couldn't tell if she was anxious, but it certainly didn't seem like it. He felt like she wanted to make him angry.
"Why are you telling me about this?" he demanded, his breathing getting angrier and heavier. "Damn it, Spencer! Why the hell?"
"I don't like keeping secrets from you."
He slammed his palm against his forehead, running his hand down his face. Her heart started beating faster. She knew this wasn't going to end well. He was truly upset at the moment, and she felt stupid for not completely understanding why. She knew it was because she cheated, but she couldn't help but blame him for a part of it. It was wrong. It wasn't all his doing that she cheated. She could have stopped him.
"Just leave, Spencer."
"What?" she choked out.
"Just freaking leave!" Toby practically screamed. She had never seen his eyes so strained. She could tell he was going to cry. "I told you once that I could never forgive a cheater, and that was when I thought you cheated on me with Wren. When I found out you didn't, I was uncontrollably happy. I never thought I would find the day where you actually did this to me." He stared at the floor before continuing, "I may not be the greatest guy to you right now, believe me, I know, and I have no justifications for some of the things I've said and done in my past. But the one thing I would never do is break my loyalty to you. Never. Not once. I knew something was happening between you two. It's probably my fault, but that doesn't give you the right."
She didn't even know what to say. She felt guilty, but she felt stirred up.
"Please, just go away. I can't even look at you right now," he quietly said. "I don't think I'm going to be able to do this anymore."
"Toby, please," she pleaded. "Don't."
"Leave," he said again. "Maybe I did a lot wrong for the past few weeks, but that doesn't give you a free pass to lock lips with another guy. Leave."
And she did leave.
Thank you if you read! Please leave a review. I will try and update soon. There will be more, so don't worry if your Spoby heart hurts, since they have broke up for now in my fic.