A/N MERRY CHRISTMAS! Anyways, this is my contribution to this wonderful time of the year. Enjoy!
Disclaimer: Not mine.
And a Happy New Year
I don't understand people these days. People fight amongst each other, they steal, insult, murder, sin. People debate over higher wages while others starve to death. Many preach about assistance and to love one another, yet the homeless still exist, hatred is abound, and the problems continue accumulating until the pressure inevitably breaks us.
We are a doomed race. What good is it to have higher intelligence when many just choose to act like ignorant buffoons? Humans are nothing but hypocrites. Lying, goddamn, hypocrites.
Usually, I'm not the type to rant like this, but it's THAT time of year again. Christmas. The year where everyone conveniently forget their worries and decide to have a memorable time with their families. Many say that it's to celebrate the birth of some God or whatever and to properly show one's appreciation for others by giving gifts.
That all sounds nice and dandy, and I would enjoy this holiday too, if it were true.
Nowadays, there is no love. People have become absorbed with gaining material possessions, ignoring the amount of love put into the gift. In fact, some gifts are given out of convenience, not out of love. There is no more appreciation. To consumers, it is a day of receiving. To sellers, a day of great profit. To me, a day which held a lot of meaning, died a long time ago. Now, it is nothing more than an empty shell, something that is used and conjugated into any way possible.
Just as long as humans gain, they wouldn't give a damn about others.
This is why every time Christmas comes around, I end up hating it and everyone caught up in the "Christmas Spirit".
I can't stand seeing this. The festive decorations, the fir trees, the happiness. It makes me want to scream. Why should people who have never known the fear of death or pain have the right to live in luxury? Why is it that child labourers who have never experienced freedom or joy continue to slave on, while a small percentage of the world celebrate?
Why is everything so fucking unfair!?
I even hate myself, for this was what I once was. I was once a child who lived a sheltered life, ignorant of the suffering in the world. Every Christmas, I would only care about how much money I received, or how many gifts were under the tree. I didn't give a damn about baby Jesus, nor did I give a damn about how much effort my parents put into making me enjoy this time of the year. I used to think that the world was perfect, that people were perfect.
Now, everything's changed. My eyes have been opened to the harsh nature of reality. Ever since a close friend of my father's sold him out to the FBI, he was accused of being a communist, and my mother was accused of helping Russia develop nuclear missiles.
My life was torn apart on December the 26th. Now, I have more than enough reason to hate this day, because what I hate more than the smiling faces of two-faced liars, is that they have the happiness that I lack. Like winter, my heart turns into ice every year, covered by tightly compressed snow, but everyone else just seem to warm up and overflow with contentment.
Right now, I'm just sitting in a coffee shop, staring out a window, watching the miniscule snowflakes dance in the sky, eventually falling onto the white landscape. Every Christmas, I would spend the entire night sitting in that coffee shop, stirring my coffee and think about depressing thoughts like these. Maybe out of desperation, I come to a warm place in hopes that it will melt the cold interior of my heart.
What am I saying? Nobody would ever give a damn about others they hardly know.
"Hey."
I turned around, to see the blonde waiter I always saw. Strangely enough, over the past three years, she would be here every Christmas. You would think that on a holiday like this, she would take the day off. Besides, she only took my order and left me alone. This was a first.
"Can I help you?"
She gave me a tinkering laugh, a laugh free of sorrow and burden.
"I think I should be asking you that question. You come here every year and just sit in that chair for the whole day. Don't you want to spend that time with your special someone?"
"I don't have one." I said nonchalantly. I hated it when people approached this topic.
"Well, I'm already off my shift, so you mind if I listen to your story?"
"Why the sudden interest in me?"
She gave me a mysterious smile.
"A star led me to you."
"What?"
"Please tell me you story."
I don't know what compelled me to narrate my life story to a complete stranger like her. Call me crazy, but there was something different about her. Although she was happy like any other normal human, there was something hidden, something that was deliberately pushed into the recesses of her mind.
I expected her to give me a look of shock and distress, but what she gave me was a look of empathy. I expected fake and short-term sympathy which would be replaced by the changing of the subject, but something struck a chord in her. Without me noticing, she took my hand, and continued giving me that same expression.
It drove me nuts, to tell you the truth.
"So you've resented this day all along, haven't you? This day isn't cause for celebration. To you, Christmas mocks you for what you lost on this day."
I nodded.
"I'm sorry, I truly am."
Suddenly, anger flared up inside me. She was a total stranger, yet she dared pretend to understand how I felt?
"Oh, are you? Are you really? You don't know how I feel. Eighteen years of pure shit! How could you possibly relate to any of that?"
I wanted her to get angry at me, I wanted her to make up a comeback and leave me alone.
She just sat there, giving me that same empathetic look.
"The problem is that I DO understand."
What she told me next made me instantly regret the words that came out of my horrid mouth. Her family had won an all-expense paid trip to New York in 2001. However, she didn't go due to a high fever. Her family promised to send her photos of their trip, reminding her that they will miss her. On September 11, 2001, her family decided to go visit the famous World Trade Center, hoping to take a picture of the building and send it to her, knowing that she liked collecting pictures of famous monuments. That was when disaster struck. A plane hijacked by a terrorist crashed into the building, and her family, who were still trapped inside the building, perished. Her family, dead...on the day of her birthday. Now, every year, she would not be celebrating her coming of age, but mourning the deaths of her relatives.
As she told me more, her face grew solemn, but not a single tear was shed. I though to myself, she must have blamed herself for the death of her family. If it wasn't for her, they might not have gone to taken that photo. If it wasn't for her, they would still be alive and healthy.
Her predicament was worse than mine, and still she managed to smile. Even when she knew that terrorists had been involved in murdering her entire family. Even when she knew that this was the true nature of humanity.
"How can you smile like that, and yet endure so much?" I managed to ask.
"How? I believe that in every person, there is a good heart. If one is evil, they are either confused or blinded."
"How can you say that? Those terrorists killed your family!"
"Yes, and I will never forget that. However, I manage to smile every day because I have learned the most important thing a human should have: Forgiveness." She stopped to look at me, and continued.
"I look at your face and all I see is pain and hatred. I understand how you feel, I truly do. The feeling of having everything taken away from you by others and to be left with nothing. However, with so much hatred, how can we strive for perfection? We must learn to forgive, because through that, wounds will heal, and gaps will be mended. Trust in others, for although others may betray you, it should not mean that you should betray them."
Her words rang true. In all these past several years, I had never met such a person in my life. She had gone through a suffering similar to mine, but unlike me, she was brave enough to overcome hatred, whereas I wallowed in self-pity and pointed my finger childishly at others. For the first time in eighteen years, I shed a tear.
I was moved by what she said, for now I had a new-found respect and admiration for this mysterious waitress. However, one thing still bugged me.
"But why did you suddenly decide to talk to me?"
She look out the window, gazing at the falling snow.
"In the Bible, it says that three Magi followed a star to Bethlehem, bringing with them gifts for Jesus. To me, it symbolizes the process of celebrating the birth of a miracle. Maybe after seeing you sit in this seat for three years started something in me."
I snorted. "What, you're gonna give me some gold?"
She giggled in response. "No, but here's my gift to you."
Suddenly, she leaned over and kissed me on the lips. We stayed like that for a while, until I started hearing sniggers from the other customers.
I had been so cold these past years because I had forgotten how to love. Seeing this emotion all around me only filled me with bitterness. I..I guess that this whole time I had been lying to myself. I wasn't really angry at others, I was just jealous of their love.
However, on this day, the same day over two thousand years ago, a miracle happened. My heart of ice was finally melted by this mysterious girl, and I came to love again. Yes, it will take a while to heal, but somehow I know that I will get better. The pains of the past will soon be distant memories, and maybe I'll learn to accept others once again.
As I walk out of the coffee bar, holding hands with the girl I had just met half an hour ago, I look up at the black sky, and see a particularly bright star directly above the shop we just exited. I turned to her, and I did something I hadn't done in a long time: I smiled.
"Looks like you were my magus."
"Told you."
Merry Christmas guys.
A/N Just to let you know, I AM NOT AN ATHIEST. Actually, I'm Catholic, and I decided to make this in light of celebrating this wonderful season. Apologies if the quality is bad, but it was a drabble. Hope you like it though. Also, I respect all religions, so please don't hurt me. Lastly, this is NOT an accurate portrayal of anything.