Title: Come and Gone
Genre: Angst/Drama
Fandom: Gintama
Character/Pairing: Hijikata and Mistuba (Sougo's sister)
Rating: T (just to play it safe)
Summary: Hijikata is looking back entering Mitsuba's grave
Disclaimers: No characters belong to me! They belong to Hideaki Sorachi and the song "A Little Too Not Over You" are by the one and only, David Archuleta
Author's Notes: engawa: is the outer hallway of a traditional Japanese home. Rating and reviewing would be greatly appreciated. Special thanks to LaFuego for editing!
Come and Gone
"It never crossed my mind at all
That's what I tell myself
What we had has come and gone
You're better off with someone else"
I would never admit I regret it. I'm sure you already knew because you would always smile gently… watching me, watching them. At first glance, you felt it too: that small spark that burst to life when our eyes connected. But that silent longing couldn't last. It couldn't be. So why did you take that chance under the full moon? I remember you sitting on the engawa as I stood near the maple tree, mindlessly staring out into space; dragonflies hovered around us. It was our last conversation before I left with Kondo-san to a new world. Sougo told you that we were leaving the next day. I saw your hesitation, but I already knew what was coming. You didn't want us to leave but you would never stop us from setting out because you would regret it. You believed in us, had faith that our useless group would attain our purpose. But you could not bear to part from me. It was too hard. I didn't want to be separated from you either but that would be too selfish of me. So you asked for something forbidden that connected itself to another phrase. A phrase that stopped my heartbeat for a second or two. Three simple words that changed everything: "I love you." Those honest words, full of magic and mystery that can distort all your principles. They change how you act, how you feel. How you think. It was a taboo in my ears. You can't love me. You're better off with someone better than me. But I knew how to respond to those words. I had to extinguish that flame within our hearts. I heartlessly replied with a cruel counter that pierced through your heart.
"I don't care...
I can't be bothered by your affairs..."
Then I walked away. Without another word, I mercilessly walked away, escaping from your presence just after you poured your heart out to me. I could not afford to keep you and make you mine. I just couldn't do that to you. So I left you standing there.
I was never the man who deserved your love. I, a man who could die at any second, could never take care of the woman he loved the most. So how come I could not forget you? No matter how many times I tell myself I could never be your man, my spark never left me. What is a man if he cannot protect the one he would give up all his pride for? Useless. Pitiful. Disgraceful. So why do I walk up to your grave? Why do I remind myself of what could've been? I am unworthy of your love so I could never bring myself to tell you I loved you. No, not loved. Even now, I still love you from the bottom of my heart. My pounding heart never did stop…
… If only yours didn't either.
"Tell me why you're so hard to forget
Don't remind me, I'm not over it
Tell me why I can't seem to face the truth"
I'm just a little too not over you.