I'M SORRY OKAY

I woke up with my cellphone's ringtone, "LOVE!Magic".

I grunted, rubbing my eyes and taking my phone from the desk next to my bed. Only one person would be calling me in the middle of the night.

"Tomohiro, what the hell do you want?" I said, answering the phone call.

"I can't sleep." I could hear his low, sheepish voice from the other side of the phone. I sighed; this wasn't the first time this happened, and I was sure it wouldn't be the last.

"What song do you want this time?" I asked, smiling. I heard chuckles from the other side of the call. Every time Tomohiro couldn't sleep, he would call me to ask me to sing for him. I personally think this is completely weird, but he says he likes my voice, and that I sing well, so what can I do? I just can't get mad at me, no matter how cheeky he is.

"Any song you want~" I couldn't see him, but I was sure he was smiling.

I laughed a little. He never requested any song, so I always invented a different lullaby every time he asked me to sing. The funny part was that I'd never remember what I actually sang, but it's all right for me.

"Okay then, start closing your eyes..." I said, laughing a little.

As I was planning the song in my head, Tomohiro interrupted, with his squeaky voice:

"Goodnight, Ryosuke."

Those two words. He always said those same two words every time he asked me to sing for him. Those two words, somehow, always gave me a warm feeling, for some reason.

I just smiled and started singing.

The song lasted for 2, 3 minutes, and when I finished, Tomohiro wasn't saying anything. He fell asleep.

"Goodnight, buddy." I whispered at the phone, finally answering him and finishing the call, only to fall into my bed once again.

I caught myself staring at Tomohiro again.

This wasn't normal. It couldn't be. It's been one month since I've started doing this shit. I would always focus on something, but in the end the only thing in my mind would be Tomohiro. Was that friendship? No, it couldn't be. I know him since we were kids, I never looked at him this way before. Even when we were playing dating sims, I would gaze it him. Not at Yukako, my in-game bride, but at him.

"Ryosuke?" I got back into reality as those big, blue eyes of his stared at me. "Are you okay?"

"Huh? Y-yeah, I'm fine, I just wanted to see how shitty you are at this game." I answered, grinning and shamessly lying. Tomohiro, in the other hand, just puffed his cheeks and took my PSP from my hands.

"You're not doing that well to say this kind of bullshit..." He said, his eyes narrowing and staring at me, with pure hate coming out of his eyes. God, he surely got pissed. "At least I already got a true ending at this game."

"Heh, just wait and you'll see." I said, cocky. God, Tomohiro's temper is really funny, and when he gets mad, he always puffs his cheeks. A really cute trait...

... wait, What? Cute?

No. I'm not gay. It can't be. I love every girl in this planet, I loved the feminine body, it's curves, it's breasts! I'm probably just too tired to think properly, that's the answer.

Tomohiro called me once again this night.

"Let me guess, couldn't sleep and want me to sing?" I said, laughing a little.

Tomohiro just giggled a little; a really adorable giggling. God, I was surely getting mad.

"Please?" He asked, shyly. Somehow, I could imagine him at the moment. I imagined him with his favorite pajamas; a cute, baby blue jumpsuit with bright, yellow polka dots imprinted on it. I imagined him hugging the pillow, his brown, curly hair caressing the pillow and his big, blue eyes staring at the cell phone located at his ear. I imagined his sweet giggling coming from his small, pinkish lips, those beautiful lips that never tasted a kiss.

...What the fuck is going on with me?!

"Ryosuke?" Tomohiro asked, dragging me back to reality. "Are you still ther-"

"I'm here, I'm here! Sorry!" I said quickly, cutting him off. "Well, are you going to actually choose a song today?" I asked, trying to take that image out of my mind.

"Nope!" That's all he said, along with a laugh. God, I loved his laugh.

"Okay then, get ready ther-"

"Goodnight, Ryosuke." He said, interrupting me.

Those two words again. Somehow, as each night passes, they seem to get stronger and stronger. And once again they made me smile. I loved those words more than anything.

I started singing, and strangely, unlike my other lullabies, this one lasted 5 minutes. I wonder what I sang about.

As I finished and realized Tomohiro was finally asleep, I whispered:

"Goodnight, Sweetcheeks."

I love Tomohiro.

I realized that last week, when I had a dream about banging him in one of the school's bathroom stalls and 5 minutes later marrying him. Sure, that was one shitty dream, but it was enough for me to accept that I loved that shota boy.

I may be bisexual. So what? I don't fuckin' care anymore. I just want to keep staring at that cute thing till the end of my life.

He's so special, so kind, so innocent. Sure, he tries to be a tough cookie, but in the end he's just that small, adorable Tomohiro that everyone knows and loves. And I love that on him. I love everything about him. But then, comes reality;

He's my best friend.

I can't have him, no matter how much I want.

Sure, he's small and sweet, but he's still a guy. He probably would prefer a lady over me as a lover. And besides, what would happen if I confessed to him and get rejected? Sure, he would still be my friend, but he would try to avoid me, he would feel uncomfortable.

That's why I prefer things the way they were right now. Sure, I couldn't kiss him, neither fuck him, nor marry him, but at least he would still go to my house, he still won't mind about sleeping in the same bed as mine at sleepovers.

But damn, I wish he were mine.

Once again, "LOVE! Magic" woke me up in the middle of the night.

I quickly got up and got my phone, so I could hear his voice sooner.

"Tomohiro?" I asked quickly, a smile appearing in my face.

"Hey, Ryosuke..." He answered, but his voice was lower than the normal. Did something happened?

"What's wrong?" I asked, in need to know. I didn't wanted to see Tomohiro sad.

He stayed in silence for a moment, but he finally spoke:

" Well, last night... I watched an anime that someone sent me..." He breathed deeply, and continued. "...And it was disgusting. Terrifying. And I had a nightmare about it. That's it." He said it quickly, as if he didn't wanted to say more about it.

"What was the anime about? " I asked, curious.

"I-I don't...want to remember.." He answered, and suddenly, I heard sobbing. Oh no. No no no.

"Oh god, sorry." I said, trying to stop his tears. "I'm really, really sorry, Tomohiro."

"It's alright, don't worry" He answered, but he was still sobbing; He was not alright.

"...Want me to sing for you?" I asked, trying to change the subject of our conversation, at least to stop his tears.

"...Y-yeah..." He said, sobbing less and less.

"Okay, but first of all, don't cry anymore, or it'll be a sad song~" I said, trying to make a joke, and I thanked God that it worked, as I could hear some giggling.

"Thanks, Ryosuke." He suddenly spoke.

"Huh? For what?"

"For always being with me when I need help. Thank you... A lot." He said, suddenly laughing while sobbing. "God, that was too cheesy but it's true, look! I'm even laughing right now!" And continued laughing as he finished speaking, his sobs completely disappearing.

Now I had another reason to love Tomohiro. I cursed god in my thoughts for not making Tomohiro a girl as I laughed alongside him.

"Are you ready?" I asked, still smiling a lot.

"Goodnight, Ryosuke." He suddenly said, those beautiful, two words I loved from the depths of my heart.

And I started singing. I didn't even thought about what would I sing about, I just sang. And I sang for 7 minutes. Now I was REALLY curious about what the fuck did I sang. I didn't even remembered what I called Tomohiro when I said goodnight, I just remember falling asleep as I finished singing.

On the next day, Tomohiro started acting strange.

I went at his house early in the morning to go to school alongside him, but his big sister told me he had gone earlier, without me and without even warning me.

I had a really bad feeling about this, but I didn't wanted to talk about it.

As I arrived at my classroom, I found Tomohiro talking with Yamamoto. I tried to talk to him, but all he said to me was:

"Sorry Ryosuke, but can we talk later? Please?"

And of course, it didn't stopped there. Tomohiro looked sad, as if I did something to upset him. And as I sat in my desk, Mitsuki started to stare at me. What have I done this time? Was it during the lullaby? Fuck, I was scared. Scared about hurting my cute crush's feelings.

Half of the day passed, and Tomohiro didn't talked to me, but he stared at me without even blinking. That left me hopeless. I did something to him. Something bad. And he wouldn't forgive me.

However, when break time came, he suddenly got up and called me.

"Ryosuke, we need to talk."

"Huh?"

"J-just follow me!" He said, in a demanding tone. God, I was fucked.

I followed him, and he took me to... the janitor's closet? Now I wasn't just fucked, I was fucked AND confused.

As he closed the door behind me, we stared at each other, in silence. No one knew who was going to start talking.

"So... What happened?" I asked, breaking the silence.

"Huh?"

"You've been avoiding me the whole day," I said, in a more saddened tone. "I don't know, but... I felt lonely. Did I do something to you?"

"I avoided you?!" He said, shocked. "Oh god, Ryosuke, I didn't noticed, I'm really sorry, I swear."

"If you didn't noticed, tell me what happened so I can understand this whole fuckin' situation!" I didn't even realized I had shouted, and when I did, all I could see was Tomohiro's shocked face, his eyes getting ready to cry. Poor boy, I've never been actually mad at him, and now I just screamed at him for no reason. "Oh fuck. Tomohiro, I'm so godamn sorry I didn't mean to-"

"It's okay," Tomohiro said, holding up his tears "I deserved it. But,...you don't remember?" He asked me, demanding an answer.

"Remember what?" I said. Now I was REALLY confused.

"Last night" He started to speak. "Your song... I heard it all...".

I got really scared now. "Did I said something mean to you? If I did, I-"

"No!" He said, interrupting me. "Actually... It was quite the opposite..."

Now I understood why he was acting so strange. Fuck, I did what I promised myself I would never do: Confess myself. And I did it in a 7-minutes long lullaby with a catchy rhythm.

"Oh my God." That was all I could say. I really fucked up this time. "Look, you can ignore everything about it, there's no need to take it se-" I was going to keep going on and on about how he should forget what he had heard last night, but I stopped talking as Tomohiro leaned forward and kissed me.

The kiss lasted for a few seconds, but it looked like an eternity for me. It was like having a glimpse of a dream coming true. I was taking Tomohiro's first kiss for myself. Or he was stealing my first kiss. Actually, it was both. And the feeling was nothing more, nothing less than amazing.

As he broke the kiss, I stared at him, my mouth still opened, my cheeks redder than a tomato and my eyes widened.

"You... Asked for that in the song..." He finally spoke, covering his mouth with his hand. "...And a lot more things too, but..." He putted his hand at his chest, revealing a small smile and a beautiful pair of blushing cheeks. "...I'm really sorry for today, I was scared of seeing you. I was afraid I would say something embarrassing in public. I even told this to Yamamoto and asked her advice, and this is what she recommended for me to do... Could you forgive me?"

I was speechless. Was this a dream? No, it was too delicious to be just a dream. It was just the best day of my goddamn life. All I could do was hug him tightly. He was finally mine. I couldn't even believe it. At first, he hesitated, but soon he hugged me back.

"I just can't get mad at you..." I whispered in his ear, as he giggled.

"Can I ask you one more thing?" He suddenly asked.

"Anything." I simply said, as he laughed a bit more.

"Can you... sing for me everyday?" He said, smiling. "You don't have to do it, of course, but..."

"Of course I'll do it!" I answered. "I'll sing for you every single day, until you get tired of me!" I said, making both of us laugh.

"That'll never happen."

"I hope so." I said, as I tightened my grip, enjoying every second of that sweet moment.

That's it. I finally reached the bottom. And I'm not sorry.

Also, "LOVE!Magic" is just a parody from "Sweet Magic", so good luck searching for that.