I did not live until today
How can I live when we are parted?
And yet with you, my world has started
One more day all on my own
One more day with him not caring
I was born to be with you
What a life I might have known
And I swear I will be true
My place is here
One more dawn
One more day
One day more.
~Les Miserables
* * * * * * * * * *
Oh, how love can sneak up on you. I didn't even know I loved him until he left... it was such a shock. It's not as if he left to leave ME; I'm not sure he ever knew my feelings for him. He just left for work after graduation...
I was just the schoolgirl in the back of the classroom at our private school; the shy one, the straight A girl, the one who never cheats; Little Miss Perfect; whatever. Little Miss Perfect is a virgin. Little Miss Perfect sucks up to the teachers. Little Miss Perfect never misses a question on an assignment, oh never! Little Miss Perfect has good, well- mannered rich friends (even though all the kids in school are rich). Such a perfect girl she is!
How I hate those remarks! But how they are so true!
But... as "perfect" as I was, I had a dark secret that would ruin my clean little reputation. Oh, it wouldn't be dark to most people I don't think, but I'm Little Miss Perfect, so I can't be the judge. This secret goes back to the man I love; the man I have been mad over since I was a freshman in high school. You want to know the significant darkness of this love? Ooh, I was in love with such an unexpected boy, nobody would ever DREAM that I would take a second look at him!
Percy Wetmore. The snappy, annoying, selfish, evil, rude, most treacherous little monster on the face of this planet. He had feelings for no one, unless you counted himself. He'd been in my class straight since the ninth grade, and his greatest fun was tormenting me. When we were younger, he teased me and taunted me, and all the rest of the class did was laugh as I would run out of the room in tears. When we were older, he cheated off my SAT's, and with my scores was able to get himself a nice job. He was such a... well - Little Miss Perfect can't say what he is, but she can think it!
Why do I love him?
I didn't KNOW I did... You can't control love... It just happens... But I thought when I was rid of him, my life would be so much better! I thought it was the best thing that had ever happened!
More buts...
BUT - there was a part of my schedule missing... I wanted it full! So silent...
BUT - as I sit here and think, he's not there, tormenting me...
BUT - isn't this what I wanted?
BUT - Why aren't I happy? I sure can put on an act when I'm feeling down... what a genuine smile I have! Perfect teeth, you know. Because everything's perfect about me.
I just wish... I just wish I could see him again! I want him here, and I don't know why! Little Miss Perfect wants the devil back! And why...? Because I love him... Ah, yes - but he doesn't love me back, that's for sure. He doesn't love anyone but himself, remember? Him and his hair. I bet his most treasured possession in his pocket comb! I just bet!
I must stop ranting. I know where he works... Just the place for him, I say. He works - at a prison. Cold Mountain Prison... on E block or something, whatever that means. He's got the connections to have something better, but my father said he wants to see someone die in the electric chair. See the bad men be punished. What a poor excuse! He's such an evil man. He deserves the electric chair as much as any crook!
I don't mean that, I don't! I think it, I'll say it, but I really don't mean it! How can I love him and hate him at the same time? What is it about Percy that I love?
I can only recall one time he was ever semi-nice to me... and that was on my birthday my freshman year, when he gave me a flower. Yes, it was nice until I found out he had purposefully picked the flower with the most earwigs in it! I remember that day; I was smelling the flower and a large, ugly bug crawled out of it onto my nose... I remember screaming and batting it off my face, shaking my head as the boys cracked up at their stupid joke. By the time three more fell onto my lap, I had already run from the room, the boys' evil laughter filling my head; Percy's being the loudest. I remember his words to the teacher; "Honestly, ma'am... I just gave her a flower, I didn't know it had bugs in it..." He got away with that one, of course. He always gets away.
Yes, he always gets away... unless his big mouth leads him into trouble. I almost felt sorry for him when his mouth lead him to the dislike of the older boys. He wouldn't stop, though. He continued all the way through high school, and never learned. But there aren't any "older boys" now. His colleagues at work wouldn't hurt him. They're not boys anymore.
The day Percy left on the train to travel across the state to his job, I was there, standing in the crowd of people watching their loved ones leave to places far. Most of them were headed to the army, or further than across the state at least. Yes; Percy was alone when he left on the train.
He thought he was alone.
I watched him tromp up the steps, he seemed excited, but hid his emotions well. To the untrained eye, he looked arrogant, snooty; too GOOD for the others on the train. He had a sneer on his face that said; "I can't believe my uncle didn't let me have my OWN train".
When he took a seat by the window, staring off at the scenery and waiting for the train to leave, I waved. I don't know; my hand shot up into the air and swung back and forth like all the others that weren't leaving. Somehow, he caught sight of me, and I recall letting my arm fall at my side fearfully, tipping my head down in embarrassment. I also recall looking up to catch one last glance at him, and seeing two of his fingers raise slightly in what could have been a wave back, but I wasn't sure, and I'm not sure now.
That was when I finally admitted to myself that I actually loved him. At first - I thought it had been some stupid girly thing. But in that second when he raised his fingers, I glowed. Once the train left, I still stood, cuddling my shawl around my shoulders tightly from the cool breeze, staring at the horizon for a long time after the last caboose made it's way over the hills.
I hadn't even realized I had been standing there for so long, until the railway man told me that the station was closing, and it was getting dark - and that I must be going home. So I did. And I haven't seen him since.
But it'll be different tomorrow. Tomorrow I will take the train myself. I will ride it all the way across Louisiana. I will find him at Cold Mountain Prison. I will confess my love at long last, and hope to God he doesn't laugh at me; this weight has to be off my back, the incredible tension has to leave. Tomorrow; Little Miss Perfect will confess her love for the devil.
A/N: More chapters? You want more? Do ya? One more? Two more? Ten more? No more?(sob) Your decision, ppls! ENJOY :)
How can I live when we are parted?
And yet with you, my world has started
One more day all on my own
One more day with him not caring
I was born to be with you
What a life I might have known
And I swear I will be true
My place is here
One more dawn
One more day
One day more.
~Les Miserables
* * * * * * * * * *
Oh, how love can sneak up on you. I didn't even know I loved him until he left... it was such a shock. It's not as if he left to leave ME; I'm not sure he ever knew my feelings for him. He just left for work after graduation...
I was just the schoolgirl in the back of the classroom at our private school; the shy one, the straight A girl, the one who never cheats; Little Miss Perfect; whatever. Little Miss Perfect is a virgin. Little Miss Perfect sucks up to the teachers. Little Miss Perfect never misses a question on an assignment, oh never! Little Miss Perfect has good, well- mannered rich friends (even though all the kids in school are rich). Such a perfect girl she is!
How I hate those remarks! But how they are so true!
But... as "perfect" as I was, I had a dark secret that would ruin my clean little reputation. Oh, it wouldn't be dark to most people I don't think, but I'm Little Miss Perfect, so I can't be the judge. This secret goes back to the man I love; the man I have been mad over since I was a freshman in high school. You want to know the significant darkness of this love? Ooh, I was in love with such an unexpected boy, nobody would ever DREAM that I would take a second look at him!
Percy Wetmore. The snappy, annoying, selfish, evil, rude, most treacherous little monster on the face of this planet. He had feelings for no one, unless you counted himself. He'd been in my class straight since the ninth grade, and his greatest fun was tormenting me. When we were younger, he teased me and taunted me, and all the rest of the class did was laugh as I would run out of the room in tears. When we were older, he cheated off my SAT's, and with my scores was able to get himself a nice job. He was such a... well - Little Miss Perfect can't say what he is, but she can think it!
Why do I love him?
I didn't KNOW I did... You can't control love... It just happens... But I thought when I was rid of him, my life would be so much better! I thought it was the best thing that had ever happened!
More buts...
BUT - there was a part of my schedule missing... I wanted it full! So silent...
BUT - as I sit here and think, he's not there, tormenting me...
BUT - isn't this what I wanted?
BUT - Why aren't I happy? I sure can put on an act when I'm feeling down... what a genuine smile I have! Perfect teeth, you know. Because everything's perfect about me.
I just wish... I just wish I could see him again! I want him here, and I don't know why! Little Miss Perfect wants the devil back! And why...? Because I love him... Ah, yes - but he doesn't love me back, that's for sure. He doesn't love anyone but himself, remember? Him and his hair. I bet his most treasured possession in his pocket comb! I just bet!
I must stop ranting. I know where he works... Just the place for him, I say. He works - at a prison. Cold Mountain Prison... on E block or something, whatever that means. He's got the connections to have something better, but my father said he wants to see someone die in the electric chair. See the bad men be punished. What a poor excuse! He's such an evil man. He deserves the electric chair as much as any crook!
I don't mean that, I don't! I think it, I'll say it, but I really don't mean it! How can I love him and hate him at the same time? What is it about Percy that I love?
I can only recall one time he was ever semi-nice to me... and that was on my birthday my freshman year, when he gave me a flower. Yes, it was nice until I found out he had purposefully picked the flower with the most earwigs in it! I remember that day; I was smelling the flower and a large, ugly bug crawled out of it onto my nose... I remember screaming and batting it off my face, shaking my head as the boys cracked up at their stupid joke. By the time three more fell onto my lap, I had already run from the room, the boys' evil laughter filling my head; Percy's being the loudest. I remember his words to the teacher; "Honestly, ma'am... I just gave her a flower, I didn't know it had bugs in it..." He got away with that one, of course. He always gets away.
Yes, he always gets away... unless his big mouth leads him into trouble. I almost felt sorry for him when his mouth lead him to the dislike of the older boys. He wouldn't stop, though. He continued all the way through high school, and never learned. But there aren't any "older boys" now. His colleagues at work wouldn't hurt him. They're not boys anymore.
The day Percy left on the train to travel across the state to his job, I was there, standing in the crowd of people watching their loved ones leave to places far. Most of them were headed to the army, or further than across the state at least. Yes; Percy was alone when he left on the train.
He thought he was alone.
I watched him tromp up the steps, he seemed excited, but hid his emotions well. To the untrained eye, he looked arrogant, snooty; too GOOD for the others on the train. He had a sneer on his face that said; "I can't believe my uncle didn't let me have my OWN train".
When he took a seat by the window, staring off at the scenery and waiting for the train to leave, I waved. I don't know; my hand shot up into the air and swung back and forth like all the others that weren't leaving. Somehow, he caught sight of me, and I recall letting my arm fall at my side fearfully, tipping my head down in embarrassment. I also recall looking up to catch one last glance at him, and seeing two of his fingers raise slightly in what could have been a wave back, but I wasn't sure, and I'm not sure now.
That was when I finally admitted to myself that I actually loved him. At first - I thought it had been some stupid girly thing. But in that second when he raised his fingers, I glowed. Once the train left, I still stood, cuddling my shawl around my shoulders tightly from the cool breeze, staring at the horizon for a long time after the last caboose made it's way over the hills.
I hadn't even realized I had been standing there for so long, until the railway man told me that the station was closing, and it was getting dark - and that I must be going home. So I did. And I haven't seen him since.
But it'll be different tomorrow. Tomorrow I will take the train myself. I will ride it all the way across Louisiana. I will find him at Cold Mountain Prison. I will confess my love at long last, and hope to God he doesn't laugh at me; this weight has to be off my back, the incredible tension has to leave. Tomorrow; Little Miss Perfect will confess her love for the devil.
A/N: More chapters? You want more? Do ya? One more? Two more? Ten more? No more?(sob) Your decision, ppls! ENJOY :)