Sam wished for death.
He was sitting on the filthy cell floor, slumped against the corner of the wall. It was freezing and wearing only his jeans, Sam shivered violently against the bite of the cold.
Crowley was skilled at torturing and Sam felt the closest to being back in hell than he ever thought possible. Demons periodically dragged him from the cell and took him to a torture room. There he was whipped mercilessly- his back was shrouded in deep bloody gorges, the burning pain consistent and devastating. The demons also did every other torture they could think of, like beating Sam until most of his ribs were broken and waterboarding him, just to name a few.
But far worse than all of the physical torture was the horrible potion Crowley forced on him. He remembered the first dose. He had just gotten whipped by the demon guards for the first time and when they were done, they held him firmly as Crowley emerged.
"Crowley..." Sam muttered, still winded from the whipping. He struggled against the demons holding him but their grips remained unyielding.
"You really thought," Crowley growled as he approached Sam, "You could do what you did to me and get away with it? I am the King of Hell!" Crowley roared in fury as he moved inches away from Sam's face.
"You had it coming," Sam said defiantly, but his voice didn't come out as confidently as he had hoped. The burning pain from the whipping was making his head spin and it was hard to concentrate.
Crowley chuckled and smiled sinisterly as he pulled out a syringe from his jacket. "And you have this coming, Moose." Crowley cocked his head and considered the syringe for a moment.
"What is that?" Sam snapped. He felt his heart start to race. This couldn't be good.
"I'm going to make you pay, Moose. I am going to make you pay for what you did to me." Without warning, Crowley roughly yanked Sam's head to the side and stabbed the syringe into his neck. Sam let out a small cry and immediately felt the liquid burning through his veins as Crowley emptied the syringe.
"It's a special potion I made. Causes horrible hallucinations and confusion so I'm told. Leads to insanity eventually." Crowley withdrew the now empty syringe and smiled. "Enjoy it. More to come later."
Crowley turned to leave but then stopped, his expression one of deep satisfaction as Sam's eyes started to glaze over and his body sagged against the guards. "I'll be sure to stop by and watch the show. I wouldn't want to miss this."
Sam shivered at the memory and tried to get his rapid breathing under control. Randomly, the demons would stop by and shoot him with another dose. Moments after, he would start having horrible visions and hallucinations- worse than when Lucifer broke his grapefruit, worse than when he was withdrawing from demon blood. The hallucinations and visions had no limits and encompassed everything from Lucifer to the Yellowed-Eye demon to Jess, and of course Dean. Dean, who would stop by Sam's cell and explain to Sam how he was a worthless brother. As time passed, Sam couldn't be sure if it was the real Dean or not. It certainly felt real…
Sam's mind was an incoherent mess. He had no idea how long he had been Crowley's prisoner-weeks...months? He couldn't remember how he got there or why he was there. He couldn't figure out if the trials and the falling of the angels were real or a long drawn out hallucination. Sam could feel himself losing his mind and it was the worse torture he could imagine.
He moved slowly over to a pail of water left for his drinking water. The movement sent his injuries on fire, and he groaned in pain. He was about to cup his hands and try to sip some water, he felt so thirsty, but when he looked in the pail he saw blood, demon blood. He could even smell the bitter scent of the blood if that was possible. He moved away from the pail, mortified. He moved to the corner of the cell and closed his eyes.
It seemed as soon as he closed his eyes, his cell door opened and Crowley emerged followed by two demons. Crowley was holding a full syringe in his hand.
"No..." Sam begged, trying to back away from the approaching demons but having nowhere to go. The thought of getting shot with another dose made Sam shake uncontrollably with fear. "No, don't!" Sam pleaded as the demons grabbed him on either side and pulled him up to his feet. He tried to fight against them but he was so weak that the demons effortlessly held him in place as Crowley approached.
"My, oh my. Haven't you changed, Moose? A couple weeks ago you were a strong hunter and now..."
"No, don't! Don't!" Sam begged uselessly as Crowley grabbed Sam's face.
"Now you are nothing. And so scared." Crowley smiled and moved inches from Sam's face. "Now you know how I felt." Crowley roughly stabbed the syringe in Sam's neck.
Sam cried out as the syringe was emptied into his vein and dropped to the ground when the guards released him. "What do you see this time, Moose?"
Sam's attention was too distracted by the now present Lucifer who popped up in the corner of his cell. "Hello, bunk buddy. You didn't think you could get rid of me that easily did you?" Lucifer laughed, a booming demonic laugh that echoed painfully in Sam's head. Sam pressed his hands against his ears to block out the sound.
He looked desperately up at Crowley. "Please..." Sam pleaded, looking back over at Lucifer and then back at Crowley. "You can't leave me with him. He can't be here..." Sam felt his chest constrict from panic, he couldn't stand to be alone with Lucifer again. "How is he here...he can't...this can't..." Crowley wore a smug sense of satisfaction as he looked down at Sam.
"I should have brought popcorn," Crowley laughed, watching Sam with amusement. Sam suddenly heard a scream in the distance, a scream that sounded so familiar.
"What..." Sam shook his head, it couldn't be.
Lucifer spoke up. "Wow, that sounded like your mom didn't it? You think he has your mom here? I like this guy."
"No...no" Sam shook his head. She was dead, wasn't she? How could Crowley have her? "Please...Crowley...don't hurt her...I don't understand..." Sam looked desperately at Crowley who just laughed happily. He bent down to Sam, who was now huddled in the corner and once again grabbed his chin and tilted it up to his face. He studied Sam's eyes and smiled.
"This potion is working far better than I thought it would. You're not even making sense anymore." Crowley made a mock expression of sympathy and then grinned widely. "Enjoy."
And with that Crowley left Sam alone with his hallucinations.
Dean crept stealthy through Crowley's underground prison. It took a month to find this place. It was a month since Crowley's demons had ambushed Sam on a food run. They were doing fallen angel research - What on earth were they going to do about all the earthbound angels? - when Sam went to grab some food and didn't return. First Dean had to find out who took his brother and then he had to find where Crowley took him. The place was well hidden; Crowley went to great lengths to make sure Dean couldn't find it. On the outside it appeared to be an abandoned warehouse but on the inside Dean found maybe a hundred demons doing god-knows- what. After capturing a lone demon and torturing him, Dean learned about the underground prison and a sewage passage that could lead him there while avoiding all the demons at the main entrance. A month later here he was, and in that month Dean was tormented, wondering if his brother was still alive as Dean worked endlessly to find answers.
"Are you sure about this?" Kevin had asked before Dean left to make the journey underground. Dean normally wouldn't bring an innocent into a mess like this but he wanted the car running in case he would have to make a speedy getaway. Or incase he didn't come back and then at least Kevin would know what had happened to them.
Dean continued to walk carefully down the narrow corridors, hugging the shadows and staying under the radar of both the demon guards and other prisoners. He was just beginning to get frustrated with the prison, the cells winded like a maze, when he heard Crowley's voice drift from several cells down. He crept closer and listened.
"I should have brought popcorn," He heard Crowley laugh. What Dean heard next froze him with panic and dread- Sam's voice, pleading, weak and scared, so scared. Dean felt his blood run cold.
"This potion is working far better than I thought it would. You're not even making sense anymore. Enjoy." Crowley finished and left with his demon body guards, locking the cell door behind them.
Dean waited until the demons were a safe distance away and then rushed over to his brother's cell.
"Sammy…" Dean whispered in disbelief when he approached the cell. Sam was slouched in the corner of the cell covered with blood and dirt. He had trouble making out any more details the darkness. But he could hear Sam muttering to himself.
"I didn't mean to...I'm 'orry I'm sorry." Sam chanted, nearly sobbing the words out.
"Sammy?" Dean whispered loudly as he pulled out his lock picks and got to work on the cell door. But Sam didn't acknowledge him.
Sam was staring at his brother, sitting cross-legged in front of him.
"You know you deserve this. You know that, don't you?" Dean asked.
Sam swallowed, at a loss of words, the sting of his brother's words worse than any physical injury he was bearing.
"You opened the gate to hell, you let Lucifer out, Sammy. You drank demon blood. You were soulless and almost killed Bobby. You had the chance to close the gates of hell and you failed." Dean shook his head, eyes a mixture of disappointment and disgust. The expression made Sam look away, his heart aching.
"And how many people have you killed? So many people dead because of you. So much blood is on your hands. How could I even call you my brother? I hate you."
"I didn't mean to...I'm 'orry I'm sorry," Sam slurred hopelessly. A moment later, the door to his cell opened and he saw another Dean enter. The one on the floor in front of him promptly vanished.
"This one's fake too," Lucifer remarked, sitting on the opposite side of the cell. Sam cringed at his voice and looked over. The Devil was grooming his nails with a pocket knife. "You know, Dean doesn't care enough to save you."
"I know," Sam whispered as Lucifer cackled and he heard his mom screaming in the distance. Dean approached closer and Sam buried his head in his hands. He couldn't stand to face Dean again. "No please, I can't take it anymore...please..."
The new Dean crouched in front of Sam cautiously. "God, Sammy..." Dean said in a whisper, his voice unsteady with emotion. And it sounded so much like Dean that Sam wanted to believe it really was him but he couldn't be sure anymore.
"God, Sammy," Dean whispered, horrified, as he took in the condition of his brother. Sam was sweating and shaking violently. He looked like he gotten beat to hell- there were angry purple bruises along his stomach and chest, a stab wound in his shoulder, burns and gashes everywhere. Huge bloody bruises swelled around his wrists and his nails were bloody, like he tried to use them to dig out of something. His back was covered with deep angry gashes that Dean immediately recognized as repeated whip marks. But it was his face that was the most concerning part for Dean. Sam's eyes looked haunted and strained, with too-large pupils. Huge bags hung under his eyes and his flesh seemed pale and looser somehow, like he was starving to death.
Dean's heart was racing. His brother was going to die. How was he even alive this long? Fresh hot anger washed over him. Anger at Crowely of course, but the rage at himself was just as strong. Why had he taken so long to get here? Dean wanted to cry and wanted to kill something at the same time. He pushed back the tears that threaten him. He couldn't let his emotions get the better of him. He had to stay focused for Sammy.
Dean touched his brother's shoulder and Sam shrinked away, fearful. "Sammy, it's just me, man," Dean said softly, trying to reassure his brother but the effect was lost on him. When Sam couldn't move back any further, pressed against the wall, Dean took the opportunity to grab Sam's face. Sam's skin was cold and clammy, and the eyes that gazed at Dean were glazed and unfocused. "What have they done to you, Sammy?" Dean asked more to himself, since he was sure his brother wasn't in any condition to respond.
Suddenly, Sam pulled his head away and urgently spoke up. "I don't know how she's here...gotta get her out...maybe never really dead at all."
"Sam, what are you talking about?" Dean asked, grabbing Sam's face again so that Sam would hold eye contact. Was there some innocent woman in this prison that they had to save?
"Mom, never dead….Devil was gone…I got away from him…"
Dean felt a shiver run down his spine. This was way worse than he thought it was. He had to get Sam out of here and he had to do it fast.
"Okay, listen to me, man, I'm going to get you out of here. Okay, Sammy?" Dean really needed his brother to focus so he could get them the hell out of here. But his words were again lost on his brother, Sam looking strangely into the distance. "Are you with me? Sammy?!" Dean snapped his fingers in front of his brother's face but received no response.
"Okay, you are definitely not with me," Dean grabbed Sam gently by the arms to pull him to his feet.
Sam hissed at the sudden movement, waivered and then started to sink back toward the ground. "Hey, no! Stay with me!" Dean demanded as he pulled Sam's arm over his shoulder. Sam cried out again from the harsher movement that caused fresh blood to seep from several wounds. "Sorry, Sammy, but I have to get you out of here." Sam gained some footing, but barely. Dean held the majority of his weight.
"Alright, you ready to get the hell out of here little bro?" Dean asked more to himself. His brother looked like he was struggling to stay conscious. Dean began moving as quickly as possible to escape the prison.