a/n: this is really weird
Blair flips her phone shut, grabbing her trench coat from her chair and nodding at Archibald and Bass "There's been a body found in Central Park."
Dan gets to his feet, grabbing his own coat "Body in Central Park?"
Blair pauses, taking an all important step towards him and placing a finger on his lips "Put a toe, out of line, Humphrey-"
"I know, Waldorf, I know" Dan replies, and Blair gives him a final glare before storming out of the room.
"Well, man" Nate comments as he slaps Dan on the shoulder "You can't deny your partner is a feisty one."
...
"She'd been badly beaten and was sexually assaulted a few before her death" Serena remarks, and Blair shudders despite herself. She's been a cop for all of five years, but no one deserves the same fate as this girl. Except, for maybe, one man.
"However" Serena continues "Her death was caused by stab wounds all over her body. Whatever happened, it wasn't very pleasant."
"Clearly" Blair comments, walking around the table. Serena gave a murmur of agreement.
"You and Dan will figure out" she added, glancing over her shoulder to see Blair's partner in crime.
"Yeah" Blair nodded shortly "We will."
...
"So, made up any ridiculous theories yet?" Blair demanded, taking a spot next to Dan in front of the whiteboard. He's staring at it, fist under his chin and eyes glued to the board. For a moment, he almost looked like a proper cop, and Blair has to remind herself that he's not. He's Dan Humphrey, the annoying writer she got saddled with.
"It was the boyfriend" Dan replies, and Nate turns to face him.
"What makes you say that?"
"I thought it was obvious" Dan begins, and Blair rolls her eyes "But picture it. A nice, suburban couple move to the big city. Both of them are trying to catch their big break. She has to do certain things to get the job-"
"Certain things?" Chuck interrupts, smirking, and Dan gives him a half hearted shrug.
"You know what I mean. So, whilst she's doing that, he's working hard trying to get their lives started. He finds out about her little experiences, and in rage, kills her. Dumps the body in Central Park, and calls us to announce her missing to cover his tracks. Then, he lies to us."
"He is an up and coming actor" Nate comments, and Blair shoots him a glare.
"You know what I think" Blair announces, taking another step towards Dan "I think you need proof before you make up ridiculous theories. And I think Bass and Archibald need to remember how to do their job."
"I didn't say anything" Chuck argues, but closes his mouth after receiving the look Blair shoots him.
"Now, if you three are done making up stories" she adds, returning to her desk "We can figure out what actually happened."
"You know, Blair-" Dan begins, but she cuts him off before he can continue.
"Your theory is wrong."
"You don't know that."
"Yes" she spits "I do."
"Coffee?" Dan catches her off guard with a grin, and she glares at him.
"Make it quick."
...
"So" Serena asks, almost casually but Blair can sense something's up, and she raises her eyebrows "How's the investigation going?"
"Badly. Humphrey needs to be put in his place" Blair replies, earning a smile from Serena.
"But he's helped you with them before, right? Besides, you like him."
Blair scoffs, and Serena smirks "I do not like him."
"Yes" Serena replies, nudging her "You do."
Blair ignores the fact she's right.
...
"So" Jenny prompts, leaning against the fridge door "How's it going?"
"Do you want to know about the investigation, or do you want to hear about the relationship with Blair that I don't actually have?" Dan replies, and Jenny rolls her eyes.
"You like her" Jenny says slowly, as if Dan's too stupid to understand. Then again, according to his sister, he probably is.
"I do not like her" Dan stresses "And she doesn't like me."
"That's only half true."
"Half true?" Dan asks, raising an eyebrow.
"Even if she doesn't like you, you like her. Don't pretend, Dan. I know you better than anyone. You should tell her."
"I'm not going to tell her" Dan replies, and Jenny grins in triumph.
"Well, do it eventually" she says, jumping up on the counter "And in the mean time, get me Nate's number."
...
"Admit it.
"No."
"Admit it."
"No."
"But I was right" Dan grins as Blair slips on her coat "It was the boyfriend."
"It was a lucky guess" she replies coolly "You're not a genius Humphrey."
"But I was right."
She glares at him and he laughs, and she storms ahead of him.
"Blair" he calls after her, but she doesn't turn back.
"I have to go home, Humphrey" she calls back, and he has to jog to catch up with her.
"Any plans for tonight?" he asks and they walk in to the elevator, Blair refusing to look at him.
"I was supposed to hang out with Serena, but she ditched me for Carter Baizen" Blair replies drily, saying the words Carter and Baizen, as if he's a dangerous criminal when in reality he's just a heir Serena knows via her grandmother.
"She does love him, you know" Dan states, and Blair frown deepens.
"I know."
They're quiet for a moment, and he only speaks again when she's hailing a cab.
"How do you know when you're in love?" He asks, because from what he's heard, Blair's a romantic. And he likes her, so of course he wants to know when she thinks it's real.
Blair pauses for a moment as a cab slows down in front of her. He's worked with her for two years and knows that right now she's wondering why on earth he's asking her such a question and why is he asking it right before she heads home. He doesn't even expect her to answer. But, like Blair Waldorf usually does, she surprises him.
"All the songs make sense" she replies, opening the cab door "And Humphrey; I can't finish the bottle of wine a bag of popcorn I got for my movie night with Serena on my own."
He laughs and follows her in to a cab, and Blair yells directions at the driver. Not that he notices, of course, because there's a love song playing on the radio, and for the first time in his life, it makes perfect sense.
fin.