Hunched over a very small wooden table squeezed between her left neighbour's bed and her own, with two crumpled sheets of paper lying at her feet, Lady Sybil Crawley – or rather Nurse Crawley, now – was rereading for the umpteenth time the draft she had finally managed to come up with, before copying it out on a new blank leaf of high quality stationery. The scribbled sheet read:
York, 18th December 1916
Dea (heavily crossed out) Branson,
I must admit I've been struggling for a good half an hour now to know how to begin this letter to you (crossed out), and as you can see, I failed miserably.
I've been trying to find the way to tell you I wish things to be alright between us (crossed out) you and me, to let you know that the last thing I want is things turning awkward once I'm back home.
Well, not exactly. To tell you the truth, the last thing I want once I'm back home is finding out that you're gone. As I told you when we parted a few days ago, I don't want you to loose your job because of me (crossed out) leave. Please don't go. Or at least, please don't leave because of me.
Anything that's been said and heard between us (heavily crossed out) doesn't have to be brought to anyone else's attention than ours (crossed out) yours and mine.
I've also been thinking these last few days about how to apologize to you for what I told you back then. I'm fairly (crossed out) painfully (crossed out) woefully aware that my reaction to you (crossed out) to your propos (heavily crossed out) has been neither the best nor the kindest one. First I hurt you with my words (crossed out) a word, then I tried to make a bit of humour when you weren't ready at all for it, and it hurt you even more. I am truly deeply sorry I did it.
Please believe that I did not intend to make light of your (crossed out) feelings (heavily crossed out) emotions (crossed out) how you feel, I even admire you for being brave enough (crossed out) able to voice it. I know I would be totally unable to do so. I've not been taught how to. Or even, maybe I've been taught not to. I couldn't tell you if it's inherent in being "posh", to quote your own words, or in being English. But I'm quite sure being both doesn't help reacting very well as far as voicing of personal emotions is concerned.
Again, I'm sorry about how I reacted. I guess I just didn't know at all how to react. I must tell you I'm not Lady Mary, I'm not used to men (crossed out) people expressing anything like that (crossed out) any sort of appreciation for me, to me.
And here I am again, trying to make a joke because I feel awk (crossed out) am at a loss for words. You see? I'm afraid I'm a lost cause, just a hopeless posh English girl…
Anyway, I assure you I sincerely admire the bravery it required for you to open up to me about your feelings (crossed out); I would even say that I envy your courage and your strength. I know I'm not that brave.
And more than anything, I regret having hurt your feelings (crossed out) you. I swear it was the last thing I wanted, and thinking of the hurt I unintentionally caused you hurts me too (crossed out) back in turn. Please (heavily crossed out) I beg you (crossed out) I hope you will find in your heart (crossed out) you to forgive me.
I've just reread what I have written above, and I feel ashamed because it turned out all about me, about how I was hurting and what you had to (crossed out) could do to make me feel better, while the reason I decided to write this letter was to tell you I wish you feel better, and try to make sure you do…
Probably you're waiting for me to give you an answer to your question. I can't (the whole line is heavily crossed out)
Please don't act on any drastic decision you would make before you've first come to tell me about it, I know you don't owe me anything of course, so I will just hope you value our mutual friendsh (crossed out) understanding enough to do so. I really do hope you will be there to pick me up in two month and drive me home. I'm looking forward to it (crossed out)
Kind (crossed out) Best regards,
Lady Sybil Crawley