Dib Membrane:
Three years ago I made the decision to accept a position in the Bureau of Alien Activity. It's a well-kept secret that this organization even exists, but as the Bureau works closely with Swollen Eyeball, you, I don't doubt, have been aware of it for quite some time.
I worked in the primary research division up until eighteen months ago, when I received my first field assignment. Mission? The investigation of a recent spike in alien activity. Target? Zim.
Oh yes, we know about Zim. From my months of research we know as much about him as you yourself do. However, when he landed in your city he brought with him a device, stored in his PAK, that effectively depresses intelligent thought in his vicinity. This is why no one, besides you, realized who he was, and what he'd come to do.
This presented a problem. Without witnesses we were virtually powerless. We had no grounds to obtain a search warrant. Even Child Protective Services had fallen under Zim's spell, and were completely unwilling to look into his case. Our hands were tied.
My superiors were on the verge of contracting a Russian assassin when I realized we had one more hope, a hope so unlikely that no one had taken it seriously. One person was left, one who knew the truth.
You.
It was then that I turned my attention away from Zim, and began focusing it on you, Dib Membrane. You, who had the power and courage to withstand numerous alien attacks, to confront the forces of evil, while the forces of good (or stupidity, depending on who you're referencing) did nothing but mock your efforts. You, who have stood in the gap between humanity and destruction countless times. No matter how dim-witted and dense those around you have been, you've never abandoned them. Not permanently, anyway.
I am sending this missive to you now, on this fourteenth of February two-thousand twelve, because it has come to my attention that you are on the verge of resignation from your strenuous position, that you are, as a gleeful communiqué from Zim that we intercepted and decoded, going to(quote) " Send earth to Zim in a breadbasket of doom." (end quote)
Of all the people on earth, I am the most qualified to speak to you on this topic. How is it, then, that words escape me? You see, before my early recruitment by the Bureau, I was just like you—alone, standing between my race and certain devastation, receiving no encouragement, but only ridicule. It was only by the kind words of one of the Bureau's surveillance agents that the town of Obtuse Noggin was saved from annihilation by Splornov forces.
And so I send you this correspondence today in the hopes that you will take heart and reconsider your delicate position. Only through my great faith in your confidentiality can I reveal that the only reason the government hasn't stepped in before now is because the government cannot improve upon the situation. Simply put, you're doing everything, short of Russian assassins, that we could do, and, in my personal opinion, doing it better. In all my time with the Super-Terrestrial And Alien Location Committee (STAALC) branch of the Bureau, I've never seen anyone with more competence or effectiveness in their defense of human life. You are one-of-a-kind in the best possible way, and, although I am not permitted to give you my name, know that there is one who admires your work. Who admires your endurance. Who admires you. Continue on in the knowledge that you are not alone, and that, should you ever be in over your head (which I seriously doubt), I stand at the ready to assist you.
Best Regards,
An Empathetic Colleague
(=fr0m th3 3ncrypt3d f1l3s 0f STAALC ag3nt #0056491^ f0rward3d t0 s3cur3 c0mput3r^unkn0wn c1ty=0n3 DIB MEMBRANE))