Silence.
That was the only thing I could hear in this cold cell. Silence.
I could take physical torture, the mind games, the taking away of privileges, but this silence was going to kill me. 4 months and nothing. The highlight of my day is seeing is Twin 2 coming down for meals, and even then he doesn't even speak to me. Probably because I killed his brother. Or Coulson ordered him not to. Either way the silence down here will be the end of me. They have taken away objects that I could hurt myself with, after my multiple times to make the silence stop, but the only opportunity I have to hear something is taken away by the drugs they give me to put me under.
At first I told myself I wouldn't speak about anything that happened, but by now I don't care. What difference would it make? The whole team hates me, no one will listen, and if they do they will not believe me.
Jemma. How could she not hate me? I tossed her and Fitz out of the plane, however I didn't really have a choice. Garrett ordered me to kill them, and at least sending them in the pod (which should have floated) could give them the chance to live instead of a bullet in the head.
Fitz. He was one of the first people who I actually felt normal with. Like a brother. The mission we did together made me look at him like I did for my brother Dana. I felt so protective over him and now I caused the same pain on him as I did Dana. Dropped him into water and didn't save him. Coming into the base I heard words like coma and brain damage, but I haven't heard a word since. I would do anything to just hear that he is okay.
Trip. The perfect solider. I wish I could have been as strong as him. For not following Garrett's lead, and choosing the right path, unlike me. I am grateful he is protecting the team, maybe he can keep them safe.
May. The damn Calvary. I can still feel the fight we had at Hydra's base. Throughout that fight I felt so much remorse for how I betrayed her. She trusted me, which is so hard to get from that woman, trust. Near the end of that fight I wanted her to hit me, beat me, and even kill me. I deserved it.
Coulson. How can I even start? He made me feel terrible about myself everyday while on that plane. "What are you without John Garrett?" Honestly I do not know. I have been with that man since I was 15, and the only thing I wanted to do was to make him proud. But when I met Coulson, I wanted to also show him what kind of man I could be. I failed. I betrayed the team and I cannot get his respect ever again.
Skye. Oh Skye. I can't even begin. The only woman I ever loved since… well that doesn't matter now. But what wouldn't I do to hear her voice again. The light in my darkness. In this cold, wet cell the only thing I can really do is think, and think about her. Her voice, her kindness, her love… but that is over now. I am trapped, imprisoned, and a failure just like my brother and Garrett told me I was. I don't deserve a second chance, I don't deserve anything.