"If I don't eat everything on the menu, I'm doing a disservice to my country, this institution, and that skintight suit."

"That's the spirit." Cisco slaps a hand on the table. "Bring it on, twenty-eight-courses-and-counting."

"You're only up to four," Barry points out, finishing off a lobster.

"Four-and-a-half. Kid-box of animal crackers on the way over."

"Those things are still legit, dude. What do they make them out of?"

"I have no idea. OH, hey." Cisco snaps his fingers to summon their waiter, and Barry kicks him under the table.

"Don't be douchey."

"This is chic now - yeah, hi," checking the tag, Cisco beams, "Daniel. Food connoisseur. What are animal crackers made of?"

Daniel stares. "Crackers?"

Cisco holds out a fist. Somewhat bemused, Daniel fist-bumps him. "Thank you, Daniel. You have served your country well. We'll take that twenty-ninth course now."

"Is it technically illegal to cheat on the lottery?" Barry asks once Dan's gone, draining another glass of water. Dan left the jug on the table - good man.

Cisco scoffs. "Is it a crime if the government doesn't know it's possible?"

"Yes."

"Then we're going to hell," Cisco says, holding up a glass of water. Barry clinks his own against it. "To crimes, alleged and impossible."

"To criminals, drunk and improbable." They both drink, setting their glasses on the table at the same time. "Kind of fun being a criminal," Barry muses. "Maybe Reverb had the right idea."

Cisco raises his eyebrows and kicks him lightly under the table. "Don't tell me the Speed Force turned you into evil you."

"No, no," Barry assures, waving a hand. "Got that out of my system on Earth-19."

Cisco catches his hand and pins it to the table, full-stop. "Whoa. Halt. You were an evil you?'

Barry shrugs. "The Rogues needed another guy, I was available, my evil doppelganger was kind of in prison. For life, but - judging by how nice the Rogues were to me, I'm like, 90% sure they're gonna bust him out. Ten percent says he breaks out first. Actually, make that 80-20."

"I'm Team Evil Flash," Cisco declares. "70-30 says he breaks out before the Rogues lift him."

"You gonna Vibe the result or make me go back?"

"We're going back," Cisco corrects, clasping his hand. "I wanna meet evil you." Then, souring, he drops Barry's hand and admits, "Unless it's Savitar. Is it Savitar?"

"No, more like - you didn't know me when I was fifteen, but if fifteen-year-old me had stumbled across a world of crime and got struck by lightning sophomore year of high school rather than after college, that's him."

"Baby Barry," Cisco guffaws, leaning back to slap his knee. "How'd you pull off the age-gap? You're old now."

In response, Barry fishes his phone out of his pocket, sifting through its contents at super speed under the table. When he's satisfied, he slides it across the table to Cisco. "Spot the difference."

Cisco grins, flipping through the pics. "That's uncanny."

"I have not aged a day since seventh grade," Barry admits, snatching back the phone when Cisco gets to prom pics. "No, no, we do not revisit those, those are bad."

Cisco makes a successful grab and beams. "Dapper, moody Barry. Two adjectives I never thought I'd see in one photo."

"Cute," Barry says, leaning across the table. Cisco leans back in his chair, flipping through the photos and grinning. "Francesco."

"Bartholomew."

Barry scrunches up his nose. "I'm legally changing my name to Barry."

"Cool. You were adorable."

Blushing fiendishly, Barry hooks one of the legs of his chair and hauls him back to the table. "Give me my phone back."

Cisco puts his feet up on Barry's shins, shaking his head. "No way. I am sending all of these to myself, and Iris, and the entire world, for posterity."

A speed-snatch nearly startles a plate of shrimp from Dan's hands. Cisco slaps his hand against the table to cover the fiasco. "Dan! The man. What amazing timing."

Setting the plate warily on the table, Dan says, "Need anything else?"

"Good for now, my good sir."

Dan wanders back into the kitchen, casting a surreptitious look over his shoulder at the threshold. When he sees Barry and Cisco watching, he ducks back out of view.

"Totally on to you," Cisco sings, reaching for a shrimp. "You're not that subtle."

Barry shoves his phone deep into his pocket. "I know where you live."

"I would hope so. We live together."

"It would be ... such a shame ... if something were to happen to your hair."

Cisco narrows his eyes, chewing on a shrimp slowly. "Such a shame if something were to happen to your suit."

A beat. "You wouldn't hurt your own creation."

"I can think of plenty of non-permanent ways to alter the suit that you would find deeply unpleasant."

"Such as?"

"Itching powder."

Barry scrunches up his nose. "Check," he concedes.

Cisco beams. "So," he says, turning his drink in hand. "Central City's youthful Wonder Boy turned baby-faced criminal."

Barry grimaces, popping a shrimp in his mouth. "Not how I would describe myself."

"Handsome jackass turned narcotic busboy?"

"Somehow worse."

"What crimes did you commit?"

Barry lifts a shoulder in a shrug. Admittedly, he's a little self-conscious about the whole thing. In the moment, it was - fun, if he's being honest, but ... "We stole a gorilla."

Cisco blinks. "You kidnapped Grodd?"

Barry shakes his head. "One of his relatives, maybe. But I don't think telepathic gorillas are 'a thing,'" air-quotes, "on Earth-19."

"I wish they weren't 'a thing' on Earth-1," Cisco admits, mimicking him. "Why'd you steal it?"

"Shits and giggles," Barry says. "No idea, to be honest. We also broke into a casino - that was fun."

"So cheating the lotto's pretty tame for you," Cisco muses.

Barry holds up his hands a little. "It's apparently in my DNA."

"Nature, then?"

"As opposed to nurture?" Cisco nods. Barry shrugs and plucks off the last shrimp. "You know that's an inadequate model."

"I'm just sayin', I wanna live in a multiverse where Barry Allen is genetically predisposed to be a criminal. It gives me a reason to live."

"Would you be on my team," Barry asks, resting an elbow on the table and chin in hand, "or would you be against me?"

Cisco mirrors him, pulling off the jaunty smile twice as well. "Can I play both sides? Double-agency sounds pretty bitchin', if Evil Flash's team is in the mix."

"Why would you want to work against me?"

"Because I would kick your ass."

Barry lifts both eyebrows. "Oh, you would, now?"

Cisco nods a little, assuming a grave tone as he explains, "Afraid so. It's inevitable. You're a string bean superhero, but I'm a smart, sexy mofo with awesome technical skills. And I can, you know." He flicks the fingers on his free hand and a little wave ripples across the table. Small as it is, it shunts Barry back in his seat. "Do that."

He nearly loses the train of conversation. Nearly. "I just had a terrible thought," he realizes.

Cisco frowns. "What's that?"

Lifting his head and dropping his arm, Barry explains, "There's a universe where you and I aren't friends."

Cisco sits up. "Your evidence?"

"Reverse Flash." When Cisco's brow remains furrowed in confusion, Barry elaborates, "There's at least one universe where he gets to rise to power. Clearly, that wouldn't happen if Vibe was on Team Flash. He wouldn't stand a chance."

"That's one possibility," Cisco permits, "but c'mon." Knocking back Barry's shoulder, he reminds, "'The universe wants us to be bros.'"

Amused, Barry replies, "'STAR Labs forever'?"

Cisco laughs and holds out a fist. Barry bumps it. "You're my favorite moron," he says.

Barry smiles. "Feeling's mutual. We goin' for six-and-a-half?"

"Oh, we are going for thirty-one," Cisco says. "Hey, Dan!"

Barry kicks him, but Dan's already trundling back over. "Yeup?"

"We're gonna do it. Thirty-one."

Dan doesn't say a word, walking back into the kitchen and returning with a plate of crab cakes. "Enjoy."

Cisco grins. "Dan, you are the man."

"What's twenty-percent of 750?"

Cisco yawns, rubbing his belly. "Just round it up to a thousand and call it even. Two-fifty."

Barry scratches out the number on the tip and tab, putting a smiley face next to the bill. "I love winning the lottery."

"I love seafood," Cisco says, snapping his fingers. "Dan!"

Dan, four-hours deep into their endeavor, returns slowly. "Yes?"

Cisco shakes his hand. "You're better than we deserve. Thank you." Handing Dan the signed bill, he adds, "Have a wonderful night."

Lying on his back on the hardwood floor of their apartment, Barry folds his arms under his head and sighs deeply. "This is the life."

"Tequilas," Cisco agrees, lying perpendicular to him, head on Barry's stomach. "I'm so - I'm annoyed you can't get drunk."

"Why?"

"Because it's not fair that I'm not drunk and you can't drink."

"I can drink, dude," Barry reminds, attempting to sit up to prove it. Cisco rolls over and latches onto him, insisting, "no, no, no, no."

"No. Bro. Broest of bros. You don't - you're here." Cisco sits up and holds a hand near the floor. "But I'm here." He holds a hand up much higher. "See what I mean?"

Barry smiles, amused and punchy. "Uh huh."

"You don't." Cisco sighs, pokes him hard when he giggles. "Don't mock me, Bart."

Barry reels him back in for a hug. "Whatever you say, Crisco."

"Hey." Cisco tries to squirm out of his grasp, but Barry's hold proves too strong for him. "Hey now. Let's make cookies. I bought Crisco."

Barry rolls them over, pinning Cisco to the floor. "We're out of vanilla. I am not going to the store at..." He looks over at the clock on the stove, "two-thirty-nine AM to get you vanilla."

"Walmart's definitely open."

"Does Walmart even carry vanilla?"

Cisco scoffs and holds a hand to his chest. "Bro, you wound me. You wound me. What doesn't Walmart carry?"

Barry groans deeply and sits up. He makes a show of stretching his arms, feigning exasperation. "Oh, the things I do for you."

"Hey, hey, know what we should do?" Snapping his fingers, Cisco stares up at the ceiling, starry-eyed, and finishes, "Skydive."

"Right now?"

"Right now."

"What about cookies?"

Cisco deflates. "Know what we should do? Cookies."

Barry Flashes to his feet. "Kay. Don't drink while I'm gone."

"I'll clear a shelf," Cisco pronounces. "Better bring your A-game, speedster. I'm not messing around."

Huffing, Barry takes off and returns exactly ten-point-eight "real" seconds later. Cisco has succeeded in disappearing. "Cisco?" he calls, frowning. "Yo, I'm home."

"I'm Spider-Man," Cisco announces, sitting on top of the fridge.

Barry opens his mouth to ask how, surmises breaches, and shakes his head as he sets the vanilla on the island. "Cool. I'm married to Spider-Man."

"Damn straight." Looking down at him, Cisco beams. "I'm taller than you."

"I'm so impressed," Barry says, preheating the oven.

"Are you?" Cisco pouts. "You're far. I can't read your babyface from here."

"I'm making you cookies."

"Don't eat all the dough first. I want some dough."

"Yup."

"Barry," Cisco insists. "I want some dough."

"Workin' on it."

"No you're not."

Barry rolls his eyes affectionately and Flashes through the process. "How are you still hungry?" he asks, holding the bowl of cookie dough on his hip.

"Because - Barry. Baaaaaarry." Holding out his arms, Cisco says, "It's too far."

"Sad," Barry says, closing his eyes as he takes a spoonful of cookie dough because - damn. That's the good stuff. Looking up at Cisco, he sets the bowl down and tugs on his pant-leg. "C'mon, Spider-Man. Off."

Cisco scoots forward and Barry catches him, easing him down to the floor. Monkeying onto him, Cisco announces, "I love you."

Barry ruffles his hair. "Cool. I love you, too."

"No, but - Barry." Cisco squeezes him tight. "I love you. I am like in love with you."

"I would hope. We're kinda married."

Cisco blinks, pulling back and looking down at his left hand in surprise. Tearing up, he says, "We're bros for life."

"You're the biggest nerd I've ever met," Barry says, passing him the bowl of cookie dough. "One spoon. I don't wanna clean up vomit this early."

Cisco scrunches up his nose. "That's gross."

"Agreed. One spoon. Or else."

Cisco holds up his pinky finger. "Or else," he agrees solemnly, linking it with Barry's before taking a spoonful of cookie dough. "I love being married to The Flash."

"I hate. Tequila. With my whole heart."

Barry stretches his legs on the floor, warming up for the day. Cisco is face-planted on the bed underneath no less than three blankets. "Not what you said last night."

"Last night was this morning." Groaning, Cisco says, "My own voice is too loud."

"It's also very muffled." Barry could speed through the stretches, but he prefers to take them in real-time; it's better for him. "Gonna live?"

"No." Cisco shuffles a little under the blankets but doesn't emerge. "I hate you."

"Harsh."

"You're supposed to be my better half."

"You seemed to be having fun."

"Next time I seem to be having fun: confirm."

"Will do." Finishing up, Barry stands and walks over to the bed. "Coming in to work today?"

"I will throw up on our meta-of-the-week."

Barry pats his leg. "I'll see you later."

Cisco rejoins the land of the living around noon, walking over to Barry and shaking hands in their usual dorky fashion. "Didn't think I'd see you this soon," Barry admits. "How're you feeling?"

"Alive," Cisco says simply. "Figured you'd cause too much trouble without me around to stay away."

Barry lifts his eyebrows, grinning as Cisco takes a seat at the console. "Oh, I'd cause trouble?"

"Wow, not even noon and you're already arguing," Jesse says, waltzing into the cortex. "New record."

"Twelve-oh-eight," Cisco says. "Old record."

"After-noon," Barry clarifies, holding a hand up for a high-five. "Where's Wally?"

Jesse says, "Out in the field. Better hurry up, Flash, or you're gonna get left behind." She grins and disappears in a streak of yellow light.

Barry grins and says, "My calling card. Happy Saturday," he tells Cisco, kissing his cheek in passing as he Flashes out the door.

"Happy Saturday," he swears Cisco grunts before face-planting.

It puts a smile on his face for the rest of the day.

He really, really loves this nerd.