Too Human
0850:
Captain Levi Rivaille stands alone on Trost's outer wall.
Fifty metres up the air is muggy and alive with the buzzing of insects. The summer sun heats the stone beneath Levi's boots and paints the fields of Maria a crisp green.
Even fully geared up, the warmth does not reach his skin. The beauty of the summer afternoon is lost on the captain, whose grey eyes seek beyond the horizon. The destination of tomorrow's mission:
Shiganshina. Humanity's greatest defeat in living memory.
It is five long years since the fall of the outer town. Five years since the scouting legion arrived too late...
...
0845:
Commander Erwin leads the scouting legion across the fields of Maria, their force numbering too many for the high road. By the time the walls of the outer town loom into view, the horses are lathered and heaving under their riders.
On seeing a green flare signal from the Commander, Captain Levi lets off his own flare to the right, veering his horse in the same direction.
Levi's special operations squad move into a tight formation behind him. However, the fifty others under his temporary command are not so quick. Their unit forms a snaking line as wall Maria rises ahead. Hange and Mike lead further teams to the West while Erwin's larger force continues forward to Shiganshina's outer gate.
Levi's eyes narrow on a group of cloaked figures heading East under the wall's shadow. The group breaks into panic at the thunderous approach of the horses.
"Those are not refugees," Eld observes coolly, just as his captain's eyes narrow in suspicion.
"No," Levi agrees. Why would refugees flee from supporting troops?
"The fuckers!" spits Auruo from behind, yelping a further string of curses as he bites his tongue.
"Ah." Levi lets out a breath he didn't realise he was holding. The penny drops as Levi spots the shield and rose sigils emblazoned on the group's brown cloaks.
Stationary guard.
Military grade cowards fleeing their breached town like rats from a fire.
"No," Levi orders, as Eld and Auruo begin to overtake him. "We continue as planned."
The command tastes bitter on his lips and Auruo has the audacity to shoot him a distasteful expression, but Levi is resolute.
These deserters are not worth their time. Anyway, it is not like cowards who don't know what hard work looks like will be welcome in Trost, or any of the Marian villages. No, Levi won't stop to engage these filthy excuses for humans. It will only waste more time.
However, one deserter has not fled with the rest. He stands with his back against wall Maria, arms waving frantically in Levi's direction.
"I know a safe place!" the filthy excuse for a man implores. "I can show you the way, if you will just take me with you!"
Levi surveys the wild-eyed deserter from his horse with pure disdain.
The guttural roar of what can only be 15 meter class titan is the only thing stopping Levi from taking a moment to string the deserter for titan bait. Instead, he makes a disgusted noise, turning in the saddle to address his subordinates.
But hot-headed Auruo has dismounted, having other ideas.
"You snivelling piece of shit!" Levi sees him yell at the now incoherent deserter.
"Leave him," Petra implores, dismounting from her horse to grab Auruo by the collar for good measure.
He twists downward in an unsuccessful manoeuvre to pull free from Petra's grip. Hazel eyes fix all the while on the piece of filth pressed flat against the wall, as if attempting to sink into the stone itself.
"Please, please! Don't hurt me. I have children!" the filth implores to his unforgiving audience.
"Pathetic likes of you shouldn't be allowed to breed!"
It is mildly amausing watching the blonde bombshell act tough, even as Auruo pulls against her grip like a dog on a rope.
Yet Levi has seen enough.
He is already one squad member down - Gunther having fallen sick - and there just happens to be a fuck ton of titans on the wrong side of Shiganshina.
"Auruo! Not the fucking time!" Levi growls to get the man's attention, before assuming his usual 'bored' expression. "On second thought, go on. Waste your time on this useless sack of skin. The titans will wait, I'm sure."
His subordinate has enough brains in that hot head to at least look guilty.
"Captain, I—"
"Not the time," Levi repeats, firing his wires into the wall above before raising his voice once more to address the squad.
"We scale the wall. Stick in your teams and keep an eye on the sky. Until such time as Erwin assesses the situation, we are here to preserve lives. Do not engage titans if there are no civilians in immediate danger. Green flare, we assume full out assault," Levi thinks this highly unlikely, "red flare, full retreat."
One glance from the top of Shiganshina's inner wall confirms Levi's suspicion that the red flare is inevitable. They are too late, too few and all too fragilely human.
The lower town is heaving with titans pouring through the breach, and although the colossal titan responsible has long since vanished, the damage is done. A mass of civilians are just visible to the west. The lucky ones. Elsewhere, they are being eaten alive. These citizens are the most destitute of humanity's crop. Yet also the hardiest. For these people live at the extreme edge of humanity's territory, growing up and growing old to the sound of the titans' footsteps. Of course that does little to save them now from the titans' jaws.
But where are the stationary guard? Why are the outer wall cannons unmanned?
Levi tries to force calm into the fingers itching to kill, with the goal of being able to think in a straight line by the time the rest of his squad reach the top of wall Maria. Recalling Erwin's words from earlier that day helps to ground him...
"Titans are not the priority. We are unlikely to save the town, but if this is the beginning of the end of humanity... we will not stand idly by."
Levi had protested that this was the last thing he intended, but Erwin had stopped him. His commander's blue eyes were filled with sadness as he continued.
"No. We will not stand idly by. But nor will we slaughter our forces at such a critical time. Should this 'colossal' titan return, we will need men. Good men. Show them what you can do, take down a few prominent titans, but do not make this the main goal. Protect them. Inspire them."
Levi zips over rooftops using manoeuvre gear, his squad flanking in perfect formation.
He does not feel like a protector, flying past a pair of 7 meter class titans his team could easily dispatch, if only he gives the order.
Nor does the captain feel inspirational as he ignores yet another cry for help from within a titan's maw. Yet his task is clear. Preserve life.
In the havok folowing the now vanished collosal titan, some groups of citizens have taken refuge on their rooftops, rather than heading straight for their inner wall. It is these citizens who emerge when Levi's squad appear. It is the titans threatening them which Levi's team dispatches with unmatched efficiency.
When Levi finds his rhythm, it no longer matters that the stalemate between humans and titans are over. He can blank out the screams of people to distant to save.
He is a hunter. Leader of a pack. And nothing else.
It is Petra who points out that the streets below and titan's maws alike are conspicuously free of stationary guard members. It has not excaped his attention and Levi wonders again where the hell they all are.
It is only when Levi's squad escorts a crop of survivors close to the gate that the question is answered.
What must be every member of the fucking stationary guard is present at the inner gate, presumably there on the pretext of 'assisting in the evacuation'.
The survivors are mainly quiet, shocked into numb silence as they are guided through to Maria. But there are also those at the opposite end of the spectrum, screaming for their loved ones. One fat man who must be a merchant is pulling at the shirts of anyone unfortunate to get close enough, begging them to wake him up from this awful nightmare. None of the guards think it worth their time to interfere.
Levi doesn't expect much, but he does expect more than this. Eld is equally appalled and Petra wears an expression of open horror. Auruo spits loudly, but does not go rushing off to deliver justice again, for which Levi is grateful. These 'soliders' would not know justice if it fucked them up the—
"Captain!" Petra points above and Levi sees it. A red flare. Followed by a second, third. Eld quickly releases his own crimson flare in answer. It is the signal for all squads to pull back to the gate.
But Levi's squad are already at the gate. In his view, he has a maximum of 10 minutes to paint his blades in titan blood once more.
"We move out," Levi orders his team. They follow without question.
...
The squad encounters a group of children huddled on a rooftop. Three nine meter class surround them. They are uncannily similar in build. Thin, long armed, and fast. Unnaturally fast as those arms swing for the petrified children... Levi signals for Petra to take left and Auruo the right. Levi will take the centre titan while Eld provides distraction manoeuvres.
It is a typical attack formation. But as Eld swings forward and lops off three fingers from the centre titan, nothing about the response which follows is typical.
Eld could just as well be a fly for all the attention the injured titan affords him. It is usually their nature to focus all effort on a threat.
As Levi twists his blade into the centre titan's nape in a killing blow, the titan buckles forward into the side of the building. Its remaining fingers never stop trying to reach those five children. Petra and Auruo's titans behave identically, ignoring their attackers in favour of the children and falling in towards the roof as they are slain.
They ignored pain. Wanting only the children.
Why?
Do they fucking taste better?
Levi swallows the ball of disgust rising in his throat.
"It's coming down!" Eld warns, as the building begins to buckle from the three titans' combined impact.
It takes the lightening reflexes of all four of them to get the children off the roof in time.
Levi deposits his child onto the rooftop without stopping. Levi notes Petra's huff of disapproval, but he is not going to have some brat snotting and crying down his jacket any more than necessary. Levi is especially grateful when one of his other squad leaders appear, offering to escort the children back to the gate. He is much more comfortable killing things than dealing with brats.
With the children gone, the tension of their encounter with the 'abnormals' is tangible between them.
Petra finally breaks the silence.
"Is it just me, or did those 9 meters not seem not to notice us, even with our blades sunk in their napes?"
"Petra's right," Eld says. "Didn't seem to feel a thing. And those fingers I lopped off... any regular titan would've gone right for me. But all it wanted was those children..."
"I fucking hate abnormals!" Auruo groans. "Did you see the length of their arms?"
Petra's face contorts with disgust. "I know, it's almost like—"
"Shh!" Levi holds up a hand for silence, picking up the familiar thomp, thomp of a titan. Possibly more than one. At least 10 meter class from the intensity of the sound.
But where?
When a 12 meter titan comes into view, there is no doubt that it sees them. Looks straight at Levi in fact, only to walk off slowly in another direction. A second follows. A third. All have freakishly long arms. All are thinner than most titans.
And all look straight at Levi's squad, choosing to ignore them.
Abnormals? Are they simply full, having feasted on so many?
Titans have no digestive system but perhaps they do have a limit. Hange would know, but fuck knows where her team are.
The theory that these titans are regular abnormals has an obvious flaw. Abnormals are by definition oddities. Unique forms of the titan species. The pack attacking the children, and now these three that seemingly couldn't care less about Levi's squad... they seem to share the same future and behaviours.
"A sub species," Levi muses. It is the best he can come up with in the circumstances.
"Which only consume children..." Eld cottons on.
His other subordinates gape at him. Levi is disappointed see Petra's eyes go glassy, on the verge of leaking tears.
To be weak now is to condemn humanity to predation.
Humans are weak by nature. But Levi thought he had picked the right team, this time. People cut out for the task, and who would last.
But perhaps he is losing his touch.
Gunther has already disappointed him. The man has been increasingly 'ill' over the course of the last few months and Levi has his suspicions.
...
One week later, Levi is scrubbing his shivering body with increased fervour.
The hot water ended at least five minutes ago, but Levi does not feel clean yet.
Levi's showers have been longer since the fall of Shiganshina. No amount of water will wash away the memory of sweat, blood and defeat. But there is definitely something addictive as the icy water assaults his skin.
Numbness, Levi realises when he can no longer feel the skin he is scrubbing.
Beautiful numbness. 'Humanity's strongest' reduced to a quivering, unfeeling mess.
It takes two attempts to turn off the water.
His existence is reduced to breathing. Each straining breath emerges from his lungs like a knife-winged moth.
His numb feet slip on the tiles. But years of mastering manoeuvre gear develops lightning reflexes and a cat's balance. Levi hooks an elbow around a towel rail, supporting his body until pins of feeling return to his legs.
The captain is fully dressed and brewing a pot of evening camomile when a flurry of knocks sound on his door.
"What?" he calls, not moving from the stove.
Hange forgoes both question and privacy, bursting in to Levi's private quarters.
"Ooh. What's that? Oh! Don't tell me. Peach blossom, is it blossom?" she speculates, moving closer to sniff the steam from the kettle.
"You just said not to tell you," Levi sighs, producing two china cups despite his better judgement.
"Oh, you know what I meant," Hange insists.
"Right," Levi drawls sarcastically as he transfers the tea into a pot. "So why are you here?"
"Yes! Commander Erwin wants you."
"Now?" Erwin knows how Levi values his uneventful evenings.
"Guess so," Hange replies. "I'm sure he won't mind if you take up the..." she tails off, waggling a finger at the teapot.
"It's camomile," Levi relents. The floral blend is a recent addition to his evening teas. Weaker than the deep black bergamot or crisp green he usually prefers in the evening.
Camomile is supposed to be calming. He'll probably be grateful for it if Erwin is disturbing his at this hour.
...
Levi doesn't bother knocking as he walks into commander Erwin's office, steaming cup in hand. He wants Erwin to know that he has interrupted his routine.
"Commander, I hope that this-" he begins, before stopping still at the strange sight before him.
The commander is slouched in his chair, face held in his hands as if unaware of his visitor entirely.
Erwin releases a deep breath before raising blue eyes to Levi, who is still frozen in the doorway.
Levi surveys Erwin like an injured animal which could be dangerous, before choosing to close the door behind him.
"Commander?"
"Levi. Sit down."
A clock ticks out the seconds as the older man hesitates. Levi notices his large hand resting on a folded parchment. Eventually, Erwin wordlessly slides Levi the parchment. The quality of paper beneath his fingertips is enough to tell Levi this is a central government report. He unfolds it to find the familiar blocky print:
'PUBLIC INFORMATION: Humanity's Greatest Battle' the heading reads. His fingers press more deeply into the parchment.
To name that day of slaughter at Shiganshina a battle is an insult. And a downright lie.
The report's contents have so little in common with the facts Levi knows to be true – no mention of the colossal titan, nor the new types of titan which all witnesses agree seem to only show interest in children – instead the report paints a picture of hope in the face of defeat.
'Approximately twenty percent of the population were lost in the battle against the titans.' the central government writes.
But those people are not lost. Everyone knows exactly where they are. If anyone is in doubt, they need only ask the survivors who watched their loved ones get eaten.
Plucked, devoured, eaten alive and screaming... none of these truths featured in the government's accounts. Nor does the government make mention of the pleading... for mercy, for the goddesses Maria, Rose and Sina or simply for an end to the pain.
The captain holds the utmost respect for the few victims who yell instead for their loved ones to leave, run, live on.
Levi reads on, but nowhere does the report speak of what he has seen: the people of Shiganshina being swallowed alive.
He notices the edges of the parchment has crushed between his fingertips as he reads the final paragraph.
'We must honour their sacrifice and trust in the safety of our walls and our capable military'.
No mention of course that is was a single titan that breached humanity's only defence like a child kicking down a sand house. No mention of the stationary guard's cowardice and indeed the scouting legion's own insignificance against the titan horde. And of course, no inkling that the military, let alone the government in Sina, have no plan of action on how to reclaim Shiganshina for humanity.
Levi notices a slip of paper is pinned to the end of the sheet, separate from the public report. It is stamped with the royal seal:
"Privileges which allow the scouting legion to operate beyond the wall are hereby revoked, until such time as the Shiganshina district is restored to Humanity's territory."
The words are brief, but devastating. Levi's breath hitches. He doesn't understand how Erwin is remaining so calm.
The china cup rattles as Levi slams his palms on the desk.
"So that's it? Just like that, we are supposed to abandon everything! You can't let them do this."
"Levi," Erwin sighs deeply. "I have no choice."
He wears the face of a man who is resigned to his fate. A man who has given up. This infuriates Levi more than anything.
"Then make them understand." Levi says with gritted teeth. "Our training, the supply routes, Hange's research. None of that is possible without outside access."
"You think I don't know that?" Erwin's voice has trebled in depth. It is the only sign the commander gives that he is not as calm as his blue eyes suggest.
"I think you have forgotten how to fight!" Levi accuses, drawing a level stare with his commander.
"Never. I..." Erwin begins, before faltering.
Shit. Are those tears forming at the corner of his commander's eyes?
Levi is torn between guilt and disgust.
"Never... say that." Erwin finally gets out.
Levi has the good grace to decide settle on feeling is sometimes easy to forget that some battles are won with ink and persuasion rather than bloodied blades.
Erwin will think of a way. He always does.
The captain knows there is no way to resolve the damage tonight, so gets up to leave.
They both needed time to accept the 'grounding' of the scouting legion.
However, when Levi makes the mistake of looking back through the doorway, there is no mistaking the disappointment in Erwin's expression.
It is only when Levi arrives back in his quarters and flings his cravat in the laundry basket that he realises. He has left his cup of camomile in Erwin's office.
Not that it matters. He doubts even a bath in camomile tea could make him feel calm right now.
...
0850:
At least an hour has passed on top of Trost's outer wall. Levi is thinking of tomorrow, of the previous requisition missions into Shiganshina. But mainly, he is thinking of the original recovery mission, only two months after the breach.
On that day, the military were supplemented with over 2,000 'volunteers', kitted out with grapplers and lances as if the right equipment can replace years of military training. They were known as the 'Bread Brigade', due to the volunteers receiving a guaranteed ration allowance. On that day, seasoned soldiers and civilians alike bent over double, bringing up bile at the sight of the congealed bodies vomited by titans. Over 75% of the volunteers were corpses themselves by the day's end. Exactly as the government had planned. Less mouths to feed.
Tomorrow, the scouting legion and stationary guard venture out into Shiganshina for the fifth time, with the intention of salvaging raw materials. This time there will be no bread brigade. Just as there will no putrid stench of rotting flesh, but perhaps there will be the crack of human bones shattering like porcelain under their boots.
The sun will soon be setting, but Levi remains on wall Rose. There are plenty of reasons to hate titans, but right now there is only one reason. A single, infuriating reason why Levi's fingertips are twitching on the hilt of his blades, even knowing the titans are leagues away from his hardened steel.
The titans have stolen his freedom. And not just Levi's, but that of the entire scouting regiment. Everyone from Erwin down denied access to the outside world. At least until Shiganshina is reclaimed for humanity.
The newest recruits (few as they are) have never even stood on wall Maria, let alone tasted the freedom for which the price is so often an early death. Every scout makes that choice. They have paid for this freedom in blood.
Levi pauses in his thoughts to watch a flock of swifts pluck lazy insects from the summer sky. Their piercing calls and effortless dives remind Levi of the wings of freedom embroidered on the back of his woollen green cloak. Nestled between the shoulder blades, the pair of wings -one light, one dark- are a constant reminder of why humanity can never stop fighting. Why he will never stop fighting.
One day, Levi promises. One day we will know freedom again.