Companions

"Clare, I'm telling you, this makeover will have the Degrassi boys eating out of the palm of your hand. You look gorgeous!" Alli insisted.

I nervously tugged at the short dress Alli had me wear, "Uhm, I'm not so sure anymore Alli. Not only do I feel ridiculous, I look it too!"

"Pish posh, Clare! You look h-o-t, trust me! Now, come on." Alli said dragging me into the entrance of the party. People were dancing provocatively with each other and beers in almost every hand. I knew that a place like this was most definitely not my scene. My type of scene was like the library or Barnes & Noble...sometimes Starbucks, but then why was I here?

Alli had nearly begged me to come along.

Also, I felt as though I should have fun at least once in my life, right? Plus, my crush was hosting the party. Owen Milligan, total jerk to most but in my eyes he was downright almost perfect. I kind of hoped maybe this makeover would get his attention but I didn't plan on getting my hopes up for nothing.

I took a deep breath as we made our way through the crowd. I immediately felt out of place as everyone turned to look my way.

I nudged Alli, "I told you this was a bad idea!"

Alli rolled her eyes, "Shut up, they're staring at you because you look gorgeous!"

I honestly began to feel violated as I noticed that the guys were staring at my chest area. I had never exposed my body in this way before. Just as I began to contemplate whether or not to go home, because Alli was already off somewhere dancing with guys; Owen came up to me, " Hey, Clare...you look beautiful. Can I get you something to drink?"

"I-I-I.." I stammered but managed to mutter, "uhm...sure."

Owen chuckled, "Okay, I'll be back."

Alli saw from across the room and shot a thumbs up. Shortly, Owen came back and handed me a red cup.

"Drink up." He said.

I took a sip and almost gagged. Alcohol, bleh, it was disgusting to me.

"Come on, you should come chill over here with Me, Fitz and his boys." He said motioning over to the couch seated with guys.

I trailed behind him like a shy puppy.

In the coffee table in front of the couch was a pile of weed in the center. I knew what weed was but had never actually seen it up close and personal. I saw one of the guys already passing a blunt, and Owen and I were next in the rotation. I contemplated whether or not to try it but honestly I was tired of being so uptight. So I decided to loosen up a bit tonight. When it finally got to me, I took a couple of hits of the blunt, coughing.

They all laughed, "Hell yeah, ain't that shit good, Clare?" Fitz asked.

I didn't say anything, but gave a small smile as Owen grabbed my hand.

Suddenly, he said, "Let's go in the back room...so we can talk."

I just agreed, not liking being in large crowds anyways.

Owen led me down an incredibly long hallway. At the end of it was a small room with a twin sized bed and was lit by a red light. We both sat on the bed. I looked up into his eyes. I couldn't believe my dream was coming true. Owen was actually attracted to me and I was with him, the man of my dreams. I felt like I was walking on air. I couldn't wait to tell Alli about this, later. Owen stared at me for what felt a life time before he leaned in to kiss me forcefully. I was shocked, lightly started pushing him away from me, "Mm...w-wait a minute, Owen." I wanted him but not like this, not like this at all.

Owen completed ignored me, crushing all his weight on me as he got on top of me, kissing my neck.

"Owen, I don't like this. Please get off of me." I said pushing him with all my might.

"Do you think I'm stupid?...I've seen the way you look at me, you want me as bad as I want you so it'll be quick and easy if you don't fight it." He said as he pulled down his pants and boxers, rolling on a condom that he had pulled out of his back pocket.

Tears began to run down my face as it dawned on me what was about to happen. He yanked up my dress and tore my underwear as he raised me to him. I tried kicking but it was like I had lost the ability to control my body. I felt paralyzed with fear. It all happened so fast, sharp pains shot up my body. He threw his hand over my mouth and held me down as he pumped in and out. I felt guilty knowing it was my own fault, I had ended up in this. All my fault, maybe if I wasn't dressed like some cheap slut this wouldn't have been happening. I wanted nothing more right now than to be dead..

After he was done, he up and left the room, going back to the party like nothing happened.

I sat up in the bed, wrapping my arms around my legs, crying my eyes out. Words couldn't describe the pain I felt that night, both physically and mentally.

After a while passed, I gathered the strength to get up. I fixed my dress as best I could and made my way out of the party...everything felt like a blur, a completely surreal blur.

I ignored Alli calling my name as I stepped out of the doorway, I left that night a different person.

Saint Clare could never come back.

"There's a girl in the corner, with tear stains on her eyes, from the places she's wandered and the shame she can't hide. She says "How did get here? I'm not who I once was and I'm crippled by the fear that I'd fallen too far to love."

Everyday and every night all that ever runs through my head was why me? What did I ever do to deserve such pain? Does God hate me that much? I hate myself, I hate Alli, I hate Owen and most of all I hate God. Now I realize how much all of that religious crap was complete and utter bullshit. If this supposed "God" existed he wouldn't have made me suffer like this..

I spoke nothing of the incident, but then again who could I have possibly told?

Alli?

As if.. I hadn't spoken to her since that night...and it's been two months since that fretful night. Alli tried calling and calling, I ignored her each time. I guess she finally got the hint. I guess the reason why I can't bring myself to talk to her is because I can't help but blame her.

I don't know...

Maybe it's wrong to blame her but than again maybe it's not...

If it wasn't for her or her "little" makeover I would have never went to that party.

You can't even begin to imagine how hard school is, seeing him there, living his life like nothing. With no concern or conscience. He's a filthy, dirty bastard and I hope he rots in hell. He caused me so much pain, leaving me so traumatized I hardly recognize myself anymore. I've never hated myself more than now..

I snapped out of my thought when Ms. Dawes came over to my desk, putting her hand on my shoulder. I flinched back. I hated when people touched me, thoughts of him flowed back making me remember.

"Clare, are you alright? You seem a little pale."

It takes a second for me to say, "I feel a little sick. May I go see the nurse?"

She gives me a sympathetic look, "Sure, sweetie. I'll give you a pass."

She hands me a pass as I walk out the door. I wander around the halls; sometimes when I close my eyes I pretend I'm alright but it's never enough..because then I open my eyes and reality hits me.

I eventually make it to the nurse's office, sitting outside is a lanky boy dressed in all black, slumped against a chair covering his right eye.

I wonder what happened to him..

but then again..I don't really care and it's none of my business.

I sit in the only other chair, which is next to him. We both sit quietly for a while. I pretend to be fascinated by the floor tiles, casually counting them in my head though, I don't know why but before I even notice, I blurt out, "What happened?"

He turns to look at me, a faint smirk appears on his face. "Ehh, life happened...c'est la vie." he says as the nurse comes out.

"Elijah, again, you may come in now."

Elijah, something about him caught my interest.

I had never seen him before, though I knew he musn't be new because of how acquainted he was with the nurse.

Surprisingly enough, the next day I saw him at school sitting on the floor against some lockers, reading a comic book. I still wondered why I had never noticed him before. I guess it's like once you notice something you start seeing that same thing everywhere because I saw him again at the library during lunch. No, I was not stalking him of any sort, he just happened to be everywhere I looked.

And I guess he noticed that...

"Are you...like following me...or something?" he asked.

I tried to steady my voice, "..No."

He raised an eyebrow, "Sure about that?"

Instead of replying I caught myself staring at his severely bruised eye. He saw me looking at it so he cleared his throat, "Nevermind." he said walking off down the hall.

Great, as if I don't already always come off as a weirdo, some guy thinks I'm stalking him. I sigh, walking towards my next class when I bump into a small body, "Sorr-" it begins to say but then stops.

Alli.

She looks up at me with sad eyes and continues her way. I really do miss her but...I-I can't...I can't be around any part of my old life.