Ok, so this is something I wrote because Rumpelstilskin's Strangest Deal is fighting me not wanting to be written. This is also the first Story/chapter I will have a Beta, she is Slayer213 so let's give her a round of applause for putting up with me.

This is inspired in part by Ravenclaws new set of GoldenSwan one shots. I was writing a review to prompt her when I realized that not only could I write it myself, but that it would work with any Gold ship involving a child being produced. So this can be for you GoldenSwan, RumBelle or any other Gold ships.

Now, fair warning, Gold does take on the time honored tradition of scaring the date with fervor and zeal, so he does get a little bit graphic, but they are only threats, at least, the boy better hope they are.

16 years. Sixteen years. Sixxxxteeeen years. Dieciséis añ ans. Шестнадцать лет. Zestien jaar. That is 192 months, or 834.84 weeks, 5,843.872 days, or 140,252.96 hours, or8,415,184 minutes, or 504,900,000 seconds. No matter how Gold said it, in English, Spanish, French, Russian, or Danish. It all meant the same horrible thing: his little girl, his beautiful little girl, his baby, was old enough to date.

And when you consider how much she took after her mother, Gold knew he would need to buy a tank.

20 days. Twenty days. Only 1,728,000 seconds later his daughter had come home to tell him she had gotten a date.

It might not have been so bad if it hadn't been her first. This was a boy Gold knew. He was young, shy but friendly, not exactly a, what was it kids said these days, a jock, but not a geek. He was polite, nice family, and not being an animal back home helped.

But it was his baby's first date and darn it all, he was going to be upset, unhappy, and unkind about the idea even if she was dating a blind crippled eunuch. She was his baby and he was going to make sure that the boy understood he was the father, and that if he touched her inaproperatly, was crude, rude, mean, or upset her in any way, well, let's just say if the body was ever found before it properly decomposed, the person who found it would need therapy because of the nightmares.

"Logan, won't you come in." Gold said smiling to the lad. "The ladies are upstairs, getting ready. Won't you sit down?"

"Thank you Mr. Gold." Logan said. He was a young lad, light brown hair, light green eyes. He clearly did some form of physical activity, enough to keep him fit, but not so much that he was overly strong.

"Now, let us get down to basics." Gold said, snapping his fingers to light the living room fire. "The young lady you are about to go out with is by far the greatest treasure I have ever owned." He then stood over the boy with his cain in front of him. "I want her back by 9:00:00, if you get hear and it is 9:00:01, I will cut off a gram of flesh, if it is 9:00:02, its two grams, do you see the pattern?" He said smiling evilly.

Logan gulped. "Yes sir."

"Good. If she is anything less than on fire or about to be hit by a car, you may not touch her. If she touches you, fine, she kisses you, I won't like it, but fine." He then got down to eye level. "But if you kiss her, I cut off your lips and I will sow then on to your butt, if you touch her, I cut off the fingers that touched her and the ones next to them and will sew them onto the back of your hand, and if you attempt to look down her shirt or up her dress, I will remove your eyes and sow the lids shut, then I will cut a hole in your hand and put the eyes in there." He then got back to standing up strait. "Do I make myself clear?"

"Yes sir." The boy now looked truly pale.

"Good. And remember, I have eyes and ears all over this town. So don't even try to pull anything. Or else all those stories you heard about The Dark One will be like a pleasant children's bedtime story by comparison." He said smiling. "And look happy." Gold now said slapping the boy on the back and sounding all happy and not like he had just threatened the boy's life. "I only start to get threatening after the third date." He said in a truly good natured way, which terrified Logan even more.

But that was all forgotten. Rose Gold was coming down the stairs at that moment, and she looked more stunning then any star in the sky. A true picture of beauty and grace.

After a few tears and goodbyes, the young couple left.

"So what should we do with three hours of freedom Mr. Gold." Mrs. Gold said seductively.

"What ever you want Mrs. Gold." And off they went to the bedroom.

Rose thought the date was going well. But she couldn't help but notice how jumpy Logan was. When they had walked by Gepetto's she had noticed Gepetto watching them. Logan had noticed to and taken an obvious step away from her. Then there was Mr. Tillman and his children. He nodded to Rose. And Hansel, now in his early 20s, was clearly looking at them amused. Logan had almost jumped out of his skin when Hansel laughed as he turned back to helping his dad fix his car.

Granny's was also slightly strained. Logan kept his hands above the table at all times, and his legs behind the legs of the chair he was in, and had insisted on her sitting opposite him. And it was in a table in the middle of the restaurant. Archie was both sitting in a corner, and Ruby was walking around serving patrons, and Logan kept giving them glances. Henry and Grace, along with their son Denial were there. And Rose adored Denial and said hi, but Logan barley managed a polite hello. The food was good, and Granny, now approaching 80(0) was keeping an eye on them, and Logan was squirming.

"Ok, what is it Logan? Why have you been acting like I have the plague or something?"

"Well, um, I, I…" He then grabbed his napkin and covered his mouth. "Your dad." He then removed the napkin.

"Don't tell me. He threatened you with a death so horrible the people that found the body would need therapy from the nightmares."

"How did you-?"

"Henry told me that dad and Jefferson had said that was what they would do if he upset Grace. And now you think that because everyone is watching us, dad must have some information network and have the town wired and so if you step out of line once, he will kill you."

"Yeah."

"Logan," She said laughing. "I'm a Gold. I'm related by blood to everyone powerful in town - minus Regina, and she is still a relation. Everyone will be watching because it's my first date and they all want to see this historic occasion for themselves. This is my father freaking you out and using people's natural curiosity to make it seem real." She then took his hand in a reassuring squeeze. "You'll be fine."

Logan relaxed a little and then looked at his watch that said it was 8:27. "Your dad said for every second we're late past 9:00, I lose a gram of flesh."

"Oh, he was probably serious." Rose said with a slight smile on her face. So Logan paid and they left.

When they got to the door, Rose asked. "So, do I get a good night kiss?"

"You will have to kiss me; I'm not brave enough to kiss you at your front door. He might be watching."

And so she kissed him and opened the door.

And there was a smiling Gold looking at his watch while holding a sharp knife. "8:58, darn, I was looking forward to using this. Did you have a good night dear?"

"Yes dad; bye Logan, maybe we can do this again."

"Sure Rose." Logan said, leaving a little quicker than needed.

"You know, you really had him scared, but you and I both know that you don't have the town littered with spies."

"Only as far as you know." Gold said smiling. Then father and daughter embraced.

Bring! Bring!

"Yes." Gold said into the phone.

"Hi Mr. Gold. Just thought I'd call in and report that the boy behaved himself, no cutting off of fingers."

"Ah well, its fine Henry. Archie, Ruby, Gepetto, the Tillerman family, Granny, even Denial all told me the same thing."

"Wow, everybody gave him a good report, even my son." Henry said laughing. "They have no idea do they?"

"Nope, and it's more fun that way. You have a good night, ok."

"Sure gramps, love you."

"Love you to kid." And Gold hung up. Yep, Mr. Gold was a lot of things, the Dark One, the town monster, and a loving father.

And if there is one thing more dangerous then going back on a deal with him, it's trying to date his daughter.

Please Review. :)