"there's nothing hidden in your head
the sorting hat can't see."
are you scared yet?
where will you be?
after all, you're not witty or clever
or even smart enough for eagles.
your kind are hardly well-educated.
you're nowhere approaching brave
or any of those other qualities they look for.
chival and daring and so, so bold?
yeah, right, darling.
you're so ordinary even the wild badgers
wouldn't touch you with a pole of any length.
loyal and patient? keep dreaming.
and oh, dear merlin, you hope you're not
a slimyslitherysnivelling snake.
you couldn't be considered cunning
in any alternate universe.
.
but go ahead, darling
try me on, if you're courageous enough.
no, wait, you're not lion material yet.
so do it anyways!
just act!
you'll adapt to whatever environment
i force you into.
isn't that a serpent quality?
but it's a triedandtrue method
if the shoe fits -
but that's a mixed metaphor, isn't it?
if you picked it out, you're well on your way
to towers of bronze and blue.
just come a bit closer
try me on
be patient with me,
and remember you might wear yellow if you are,
but let me put you in your place
with pleasure.