A/N: Hey guys, I know it's been ages since I updated my other story (Universal Changes, in case you don't know), but to be honest I've had so much going on lately, and I have the BIGGEST case of writers block ever, so bad that when I even think about that story I want to tear my hair out. So this little story sort of popped into my head, and I thought it would be a nice little distraction for myself.
I did plan on making this a one shot, but if you guys like it and want me to continue with it, let me know. If I get a good response, I may write a second chapter, as I do have a few ideas as to where it could go from here.
Story is un-beta'd so all mistakes, whether spelling or gramatical, are on me.
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
Enjoy :)
Wind blowing, music pumping, no expectations and nothing in front of him but the open road. Just the way Dean likes it. His brother is off on a simple salt and burn with Bobby, Cas is...somewhere, probably in Heaven with the other winged asshats. It's been a while since Dean's had more than two hours to himself. More than a long time. Years. He can't even remember the last time he just drove for the hell of it. A small smile tugs at his lips as the soothing rumble of his baby's engine vibrates through his body. This is the most relaxed he's been since before Sammy ran away to Stanford.
The tape in the tape deck whirs to a stop, Dean quickly pops it out and grabs another one at random, slipping it into the player. The first notes of music hit his ears, making his smile widen until it's a full cheshire cat grin. It's a mix tape that Sam made him one year for his birthday, each song on it as sappy and love struck as the last. He remembers teasing Sam mercilessly for it the first time he listened to it, but the tape quickly became his guilty pleasure.
He hums along, tapping his thumbs on the steering wheel to the beat. His baby glides over the road, which is quickly melding from worn tar to clean fresh tarmac as he nears a town. He drops his speed slightly and before he knows it he's cruising through the main street of a little podunk town. It's relatively empty, being past ten o'clock on a school night, but still populated enough for Dean to carry on. He'd stop for a stretch and a burger in the next town. Right now he's enjoying his own company too much to interact with a bunch of strangers.
As he once again hits open road, a new song begins to play. He turns the volume up as high as it will go without blowing babys speakers; this song has always been his favourite.
"I can't fight this feeling any longer," he begins to sing along in his smokey baritone. As he sings his thoughts return to Castiel, remembering the good times he's had with the angel, well, after he stopped being a good little soldier anyway.
"What started out as friendship has grown stonger," Dean wonders where Cas is, what he's doing. He hasn't seen the guy in weeks and is surprised to find he misses the annoying featherbrain.
"Cause I feel so secure when we're together," Castiels face flashes in his mind, his blue eyes wide, a terrified expression on his face. Taking Cas to that brothel probably wasn't one of his better ideas, but hey, he got a laugh out of it. Worth it.
"And even as I wander, I'm keeping you in sight," Deans voice grows louder as he prepares to belt out the chorus, thoughts still on his wandering angel.
"You're a candle in the window on a cold, dark winters night. And I'm getting closer than I ever thought I might!" Dean thumps his fist on the steering wheel, cheesy grin still spread accross his face as he really gets into the music.
"And I can't fight this feeling anymore. I've forgotten what I started fighting for. It's time to bring this ship into the shore, and throw away the oars forever..."
His feelings for the angel have become increasingly confusing over the last few months. He first noticed it after Castiel confessed to him on that park bench about his doubts, when he told Dean that he was not the hammer that he was supposed to be. Their relationship began to change as Deans attitude towards the angel changed. At first it was small things, like praying to Cas just for a chat, or noticing miniscule changes in the angels behaviour. Lately he found himself caught in more staring matches than usual with his angel, they'd turned almost...soul searching. And rather than being pissed with Castiels personal space issues he's begun to actually drift closer to him when they're in the same space. It's like Cas is the Earth and Dean is caught in his gravitational pull.
"My life has been such a whirlwind since I saw you," as he continues to sing, Dean thinks back on the first time he saw Castiel, Angel of the Lord. He remembers fear pumping through his veins, even as his mind remained skeptical. And then there was the unknown "other" thing that had made his blood boil and his palms sweat. He's always passed it off as nerves and fury at Castiels father for being such a dead beat. These days, he's not so sure.
"And it always seems that I'm following you, boy, cause you take me to places that alone I'd never find." Dean frowns slightly when his brain automatically substitutes 'girl' for 'boy' in the song. He'd always been a ladies man. From the age of thirteen he's either been getting girls or thinking about them. He's been in a bit of a dry patch lately. He hasn't gotten any since... Well, Anna probably. And boy, was that a mistake or what. He's always appreciated the female form. But lately when he's around Cas, he finds himself wanting to touch and hold. He got a whiff of Castiel last week, he smelt like fresh rain and an almost electric scent that, for some reason, Dean imagines is what lightning would smell like.
"Cause I can't fight this feeling anymore, I've forgotten what I started fighting for. And if I have to crawl upon the floor, come crashing through your door. Baby, I can't fight this feeling anymore." The song finishes, leaving Dean more confused than ever.
He turns the volume down as the next song begins, his mind a tangled web of thoughts, wants, needs. Since Castiel became a more permanent fixture in his life he's found himself being less interested in the women in the street. Where he used to appreciate a nice rack or a perky behind, now he just finds himself wondering what Castiels hair feels like, if he has hairs on his chest, what his skin tastes like. He keeps telling himself that it's still Jimmy Novak, even if Cas is riding him, but that doesn't seem to matter to him as much as it used to.
He's even begun dreaming about Cas. Not even fun dreams; the closest he's gotten to a sex dream about Cas is the two of them cuddling on a motel bed, Cas trying to explain to Dean what Heaven is really like with Dr. Sexy MD playing in the background. Dean Winchester does NOT cuddle. And yet he woke up from that dream feeling oddly giddy and light.
He misses Castiel. When he's gone it's like there's a piece of himself missing. And when the angel is there, the hand print he left on Deans shoulder tingles pleasantly. He's begun to admit to himself that he needs the angel, that he has more than platonic feelings for him. It hasn't been easy, in fact it's been confusing as all hell. But, he knows that Cas will never share his feelings. Because he's a freaking angel, and angels and humans can't be together. To the God squad, him and Castiel shacking up would probably be more taboo than if he and Sam were to-
"Ugh, no, no, no. Don't even go there!" Dean verbally derails that particular train of thought before he scars himself for life.
"Don't go where, Dean?" the wonderfully familiar deep voice inquires from the seat beside him.
"Son of a-" Dean quickly brings his baby back onto the road, Castiels sudden appearance causing him to almost run into the ditch.
"What the hell, Cas!?" Dean glances to the side, frowning at the angel. Castiel tilts his head to the side, blue eyes wide and confused.
"Hello Dean," the gravel in Castiels voice sends shivers down Deans spine. He sighs.
"Yeah, hey Cas. Where've you been? Haven't heard from you in a few weeks now." Dean says gruffly, trying not to let the relief at finally seeing the angel show in his face.
"I have been in Heaven, Dean. You haven't prayed for me since we last spoke, so I assumed you had no use for me." Dean is hit with a pang of guilt; he hasn't contacted Cas because he's been hoping a little distance would do him some good. Having Cas back by his side proves that theory to be incorrect.
"Ah, come on Cas. You know you don't have to wait for an invitation to swing by." He pauses, unsure of whether of not to continue on his current train of thought. Before he can stop himself, the words come tumbling out of his mouth.
"Besides, it's not the same without you around, Cas. I've missed you," Deans heart thunders in his chest, he can't believe he said that outloud. He turns his gaze to his angel, and is surprised to see a small smile gracing Castiels lips. The angel so very rarely smiles that it really is something to treasure.
"I've missed you too, Dean. Heaven is so dreadfully mundane when compared to my time with you." Deans eyebrows disappear into his hair line, surprise evident on his face.
Cas misses me? And... Did he just call Heaven boring? Dean shakes his head, trying to squash the grain of hope that has begun to build in his mind, certain that the angel means it in a completely platonic, friendly way.
"Yeah... Uh, anyway," Dean coughs slightly, suddenly feeling like an awkward 12 year old. "So, what's the news?" He waits expectantly, assuming that Cas hasn't just popped in for a social visit.
"News?" Cas sounds confused, but when Dean glances over to him his careful, blank mask is firmly back in place. Deans heart drops slightly. No more smiles from him, then.
"Yeah, haven't you come down to give me some info?"
"No, Dean. I'm afraid I don't have any 'info' for you. I am sorry to disappoint. Would you like me to leave, since I cannot be of service?" Dean can hear the sarcasm dripping from Castiels words, and is quietly proud of his angel for finally mastering the act. At the same time he's surprised at Castiels reaction. When he looks over, his angels face is stormy.
"Whoa, Cas. That's not what I meant. Dial back on the PMS would ya?" An icy glare is sent his way, and Castiel disappears with a flutter of wings.
"Dammit," Dean sighs, thumping his fist on the steering wheel in frustration. That had escalated quickly, he wonders why Castiel is so touchy today. He waits for a few seconds before admitting to himself that Cas isn't going to come back without some form of prompting.
"Dammit, Cas," with another sigh, Dean begins to pray.
"Castiel, I'm sorry. Get your feathery ass back here, so I can apologise for whatever I said in person?" He glances around, disappointed to see the car still empty. Frustration mounting, Dean pulls over to the side of the road and closes his eyes.
"Come on, Cas. I know you can hear me. Come back, talk to me. I'm sorry I hurt your feelings, ok? Just, please come back." Dean peeks, grunting in frustration at the once again empty car.
"Castiel, get your ass down here and talk to me. I'm serious, if you don't come back here right now I will summon you properly. I have all of the stuff in the trunk, Cas, you know I do. C'mon, Cas." Another peek, and his baby is still empty. Panic grips his chest, has he finally pushed Cas too far and driven him away for good?
"Alright, Castiel. That's it. I'm dragging your ass down here, right now." Dean throws the door open, and as he's about to step out it slams shut again, narrowly missing his foot. Dean throws himself back against the passenger side door with a yell. Well, it would be the door if there didn't happen to be a pissed off angel in the passenger seat.
"What is it, Dean?" With another yell, Dean swings around and his vision is filled with Castiel. Dean gulps, so close to the angel that his intoxicating spring-rain-and-lightning scent wafts up his nose.
Cas turns, and suddenly their faces are mere inches apart. Castiels incredible blue eyes connect with Deans, and he feels as if he's drowning in them. His mouth goes dry, his brain seems to short circuit and he has a sudden urge to find out if his angels lips are as soft as they look...
Before he can stop himself, Dean is closing the small gap between them. The first touch of Castiels lips against his sends fireworks exploding through his nervous system. His skin is on fire, he can hear his blood racing through his veins, his heart pounds in his fingertips, his whole body is in sensory overload. He's never felt anything like it in his life. Not even the best sex he's ever had felt this damn amazing. Dean moans, throaty and deep, pressing more insistantly against his angel, molding his lips to fit Castiels unmoving ones. The kiss lasts only seconds, before Dean is face planting the soft leather of his babys bench seat.
Mind clear, he sits up. He already knows that Castiel is gone, but he has to look anyway. Once again, he is alone in the car. Disappointment fills his heart, and he lets out a sigh.
"Dammit," he knows he really has pushed the angel away this time. Probably for good. What was he thinking, kissing him? He knew it wouldn't end well, but he did it anyway. And now Cas is gone. Dean allows himself a moment of self pity before giving himself a shake. He's literally been to Hell and back; a little rejection won't kill him.
You're Dean friggin' Winchester, he tells himself, you've taken on demons and ghosts, ghouls and witches, you stood up against the friggin' devil and come out the other side. If you can survive all of that, you can survive this. Get it together, dude.
So, despite the hurt that claws at his chest, that's what he does. He pulls himself together.
Swiping a hand over his face, Dean slides back into the drivers seat. He swiftly removes the half played tape from the player, popping in a worn AC/DC tape in its place. Turning the volume right up, Dean throws his baby back into gear. With a squeal of tyres he's back on the road, leaving nothing behind but the smell of burning rubber and a single, pitch black feather.
A/N: So what did you think? Should I continue with it or leave it as a tidy little one shot? Hit me up with some reviews, let me know what you think :)
In case you were wondering, the song is "Can't Fight This Feeling" By REO Speedwagon :)