Short One-Shot whilst I think of developing a sequel for Distance.
Thank you for reading, reviewing and the unintentional inspiration.
Bold= Chalkboard Messages.
Alice's Point of View~
You seemed off yesterday, I hope that you're ok.
I wash away the thick chalk lines littering my blackboard, this is the third time in a fortnight. The first two contained similar messages.
The first; Hey, how are you? Please write back.
The second; You didn't end up writing back, that's ok you don't need to. You were just meant to read these words.
I don't know why I'm not as freaked out as I probably should be or why I haven't called security, students don't have access to this classroom and I doubt that it's a colleague, I've been the last to leave the building every day for the past week. Well, I suppose it's not like they're swearing or threatening me. It's just, odd.
I cough at the wisps of dust floating through the air, why this high school hasn't upgraded, I don't know. Though, I can't really complain, after all, I'm just the substitute for the next two months whilst the real teacher is away on sick leave.
I sit down at my desk, yes, I have claimed it as mine, my Buffy mug that I've had since I was a teen has stained the wood with its heat, ergo, the desk is now mine. Its funny how attached we get to the things we affect isn't it?
My phone vibrates in my pocket again, and I don't need to look at the screen to know that it's Jasper, my on again and off again boyfriend of four years.
I take out the phone and sigh, he knows he shouldn't be calling or texting me at work.
Look, we need to talk, call me when you finish.
The four words that everyone dreads, well, not me, I've heard them so much these past year that I've become immune to its connotations.
Now, I know what you're thinking, Alice, if you don't love the boy, why are you still with him? And, if you were a stranger, I'd politely tell you that's it's none of your business.
Jasper loves me, he'd do anything for me and I love Jasper, he's my best friend, he knows me but, he doesn't know me and that's probably my fault.
We're safe and secure so, I owe it to him and myself to try but, if I were to be truly honest, it's not what I want, desire or crave in my heart of hearts. Don't get me wrong now; I know that love isn't a grand demonstration akin to a Nicolas Sparks adaptation but, it'd be nice to feel desired, wanted, to be craved as much as I do them.
Perhaps that isn't meant for some.
I send a quick reply telling him Ok and instantly feel guilty for seeming distant. Why does love have to be so complicated?
I hear the bell call out and know that in five minutes the doors will open, bringing with it, the multitude of teenagers and hormones.
I sigh and rub the remnants of chalk between my fingertips.
It's going to be a long day.
After School~
I exit the building, but first, I need to sign out, seeing as I'm only a casual staff member. The usual security guard is there sitting behind the plexiglass, dressed in her puffy blue jacket, with the words SECURITY embroidered on the side. I always imagined that she'd have such a lovely figure underneath that uniform.
I reach to the book to sign my name, silently wondering if it's plexi or bulletproof glass which separates us, teenager's ey?
"Ms Cullen," she greets.
I loop the final letter of my name and look up at her, "Bella, we've been through, call me Alice."
It took me forever to learn her name so, I use it as much as I can, as if making up for lost time. I had thought that would have done the same though. She leans back against her chair and I'm half tempted to scold her for doing such a thing.
"And extinguish this wonderful routine that you and I have established? Perish the thought," she smirks at me.
Challenging me.
I smirk back, "Working hard?"
"Hardly working," Bella replies without missing a beat.
I catch some familiar voices coming from the small television screen in front of her and angle myself to get a better view, when I see the display I give her a pointed look.
"Clearly. Really Bella? The Pinky and the Brain?" I ask, amused at the viewing pleasures of this mysterious, cool, calm and collected woman.
In reply she rests her hands behind her head, "They're evil geniuses, as a security guard, it may help for when I thwart criminals that try to bypass me," she half shrugs.
I arch an eyebrow at her, "Only if they're less than a ft., what if they're taller?"
She stops leaning back on her chair and I thank God that she didn't crack her head open in the process.
"Then it looks like I'd actually have to do some work," she replies and then offers a childish grin that could turn the hardest criminals into jelly.
I chuckle and concede to her logic, enjoying the casual and easy banter that always seem to flow between us. With my students, they understand sarcasm but, it usually ends with a touché.
I nod my head, "Well, as a teacher, I'll be damned before I ruin one's education, please continue your stories," I turn about to leave, when, above just a whisper I hear her again.
"No wonder why the kids love you," she states.
I pause and think back on my last lesson, "They weren't so loving when I gave them their homework this afternoon," I reply, not really knowing if I was meant to hear her remark in the first place.
She gives a comforting smile, "Don't let the kids grind you down; you hear a lot being in the background." Then, without waiting for a response, she turns her attention back to the television screen as if she hadn't spoken at all.
"Goodnight Ms Cullen," she finishes, without looking at me, dismissing me.
I smile at her, "Goodnight Bella."
As I walk towards my car, I suddenly feel ready for what the night may bring.
One Week Later~
You are appreciated more than what you could ever imagine.
Ok, I gotta admit, those words are kind of sweet, the moment I catch myself thinking that, I give a frustrated sigh. Of course, I'd be interested in my Chalkboard Stalker. Well, perhaps interested insinuates too much there, but, the mystery is admittedly intriguing.
Things the other night with Jasper went better than expected. We're taking a break and neither of us felt hurt by it. I think that this may be it, the last hurrah for us, and, whereas I can't help but feel relieved, I also feel terrified. We've grown too much together but too far apart, I don't want to resent him for staying and I don't want him to resent me for not giving him what he wants and needs.
Am I a terrible person for having such feelings and thoughts? Yeah, I am.
But, haven't you ever wanted to just be honest with yourself?
I look out the window and allow myself a few selfish moments to imagine all the possibilities that the world has to offer.
The bell rings, it's going to be a good day.
After School~
I walk down towards the sign out security desk again like a ritual to go home.
"Good day Miss Cullen?" Bella asks, upon seeing me. I notice that her television is gone and there's a cassette radio in its place. She switches from time to time but, I suppose that's her way of mixing things up at work.
I smile at her and sign my name, "Yeah it was, Miss. I don't know your last name," I look at her and she's just smiling openly at me.
"That's good to hear," she replies and I almost want to scoff at her nonchalance.
"You know, that was a subtle hint to gain your last name," I state.
"Why? So you can Facebook stalk me?" she asks, leaning her body towards the edge of her desk, I put my hands up on my side of the ledge and can't help but feel as if I'm a visitor at a prison.
"It might be nice to get to know the person that has seen me walk through this door every night. The only things I know about you, are that you watch the Pinky and the Brain and you like Chris Isaak and even the latter is a guess," I rely giving her cassette player a pointed look.
At the moment it's playing Wicked Games and, although Mr. Isaak is my go to man for depression sessions, I half want to ask her who owns cassettes anymore?
Instead, Bella just shrugs her shoulders, "My taste in music is dependent upon my mood."
"So, what's your mood now?" I ask her.
She gives me a half smile but doesn't move her body, which is strange, as she's usually fidgeting, "You tell me Miss. Teacher Woman. What do you think this song is about?"
"Unrequited love," I answer automatically, who doesn't know that? I think she gives me a sad smile and a slow nod but, I can't really tell because of my reflection.
A few falsettos pass us by and she still hasn't moved, "Are your hands ok? They're usually so animated, but they seem still tonight," I finally ask her.
"What an odd observation, yeah, they're fine thanks," she assures me and then, it only occurs for a second but, she frowns, as if perplexed by my scrutiny of her.
She lifts up her left hand, twinkles her fingers like what they do in movies and then rests her head in her palm as if making a show of it.
I roll my eyes at her theatrics but can't help but smile, "I'm a teacher so, I'm constantly on guard as to what kids are doing underneath tables with their hands…that sounded way more sexual than intended," I say grimacing.
Bella chuckles at my word vomit, "I understood what you meant, but I can't help but look at you differently now."
I sigh dramatically and pout, "You make one accidental dirty comment and the world turns on you."
Bella looks at the radio and then back at me, "In tune with the current song, this world is only going to break your heart."
I listen to the last chorus of the song and wonder if it's stuck on repeat or if it really has been four minutes since Bella and I have engaged in conversation. I suppose time's a non-existent construct sometimes.
"My surname swoops in and out depending on the season," Bella cryptically replies and then I remember our earlier conversation.
She sits back and begins to hum along with the song and I can't help but shiver at how haunting everything has suddenly become.
"Goodnight Bella," I say.
She stops humming, "Goodnight Miss Cullen."
The Next Day…
I am dying to be seen as a Swan but, I know that I'll always be a duckling to you.
A Few Weeks Later~
"I'm beginning to think that you sleep here," I comment, realizing that I have been seeing her more often now that the morning guard has left.
Bella smiles tiredly at me and I wonder if she does this with anyone else, she doesn't seem the type to be so responsive.
"I don't want to brag but, I have a pretty sweet George Costanza set up underneath this desk," she replies, I understand the Seinfeld reference and chuckle.
I sign in my name, "How do you keep yourself entertained for hours at a time?" I ask her.
She sighs and scratches the bridge of her nose, as if it'd help to keep her awake, "You're looking at it, sometimes, I run amok in the halls but clean up afterwards, not that you need to know that," she answers and then smirks, forgetting her fatigue.
"I won't tell the bosses if you don't," I promise.
She hums in response but, I know that it's to mask her yawn. I should get her coffee the next time I see her, but then, that'd mean traversing into unknown territory of behind the plexi/bulletproof glass.
"How does one get a job working as security?" I ask delicately, there's nothing wrong with the occupation, I'm curious and want her to keep talking. These past weeks, I have always felt at ease when she talks, perhaps it's the fluidity of her intonation or the phrasing of her words, but it doesn't matter.
She shrugs and sits back, "A jobs a job, I don't exactly know what I want to do so, I took a security job for a place that never gets break ins. I got more trouble down at the old folk's home than here," she responds.
I smirk at her, "Usually, when someone goes through a midlife crisis, they travel, explore or buy really expensive cars and yet, you decided to ground yourself?"
She quirks an eyebrow at my jest, "I'm going to ignore that midlife crisis comment; after all, you're the older one between us."
I must have given her a suspicious look because she tries to placate me.
"Don't give me that look, they asked me to do a background check on you," Bella explains quickly, making me want to laugh.
"Well, I could have told you that I was the most boring person ever," I state.
She crosses her arms over her chest, ""Now who's going through the midlife crises?" she responds and then places a hand under her chin, "You're not boring, you're anything but actually."
I smile because I know that she's telling me the truth, "Thanks for the reassurance, so, why aren't you up, up and away?" I ask getting back on topic to figure out this enigma.
She sighs and rubs her eyes, "I have dreams, just, none that require grandiose exertion."
I consider her words and then think back to the chalk words that were drawn a few days ago on my board. The messages have still been occurring and range from internal thoughts to quotes. Some days, they reflect my day's so clearly and sometimes, realization dawns a few days later.
"If your dreams don't scare you, you're not dreaming big enough," I recite.
She scoffs, "Sounds like something off of Instagram."
I smile at her, not taking her words in offense, "I think that it's a nice reminder that it's ok to reach for the stars sometimes."
She uncrosses her arms and leans forward, "You should know as well as I do that, stars are just balls of gas burning billions of miles away."
"Your point, Pumbaa?" I ask gently.
"What's the point in reaching for stars if you know that you're just going to get burned?" she whispers and then stares in my eyes waiting for a response as if testing me.
I blink at their intensity and blurt the first things that come to mind, "The only two types of people who would say that are; someone one who has never been in love or someone who has had a bad experience with it," When I realize that what I had just said can't be taken back, I start to freak out.
"Oh my God, I'm so sorry Bella, I didn't mean to say that, it just came out, that was a terrible assumption…"
She puts a hand out to calm me the best way that she can with glass between us and she sits back in her chair as if feeling the weight of the world hit her all at once.
"It's ok, after all, I'm the epitome of, unrequited Chris Issak size proportioned love remember? And anyway, I said that my dreams don't require exertion, it doesn't mean that they still don't scare the shit out of me, maybe I just haven't had the opportunity to go for it yet," she responds.
She smiles at me, but I know that there are deeper thoughts in her, begging to be released and it breaks my heart a little.
"See you after class Miss Cullen, have a good day," she finally says and then goes back to whatever paperwork was in front of her.
"You too Bella, I'll see you soon," I reply and, I'm not sure why but I feel guilty, as if, I've just wounded something between us.
I walk into my classroom, turn on the lights and my eyes instantly find the message on the board.
Never Ever apologise for the way you feel.
A few days later~
I'm about to reach the security desk when, I feel my phone vibrate in my pocket, I take it out and look at the screen notifying me that it's Rosalie, Jaspers sister. She had never liked the thought of Jasper and I being together, always citing, 'You guys are two corner pieces of the same puzzle,' as an excuse.
She's crazy and I love her but, I dread to pick up to her I told you so, call.
"Are you ok?" I suddenly hear and, it was only now that I realize that I had been giving a death stare.
I shake my head and give a smile, "Woman troubles," I explain.
Bella's eyes shot up, probably surprised at what that could possibly mean, well, she needn't know that gender doesn't really matter for me. I almost laugh at her awkward, what do I do? Face, that she wears sometimes when confronted by something perplexing.
"Ex-boyfriend's sister telling me that she was right," I clarify. I think she breathes a sigh of relief and, if I hadn't of known that she was gay, I would've believed that she were a homophobe.
I reach to finally sign out for the day.
"Are you happy?" Bella suddenly inquires.
I look up and notice that she had been staring at me the entire time.
"Pardon?" I ask.
Bella looks unsure of herself but decides to repeat herself again anyway, "Are you happy? Because the minute we ask ourselves that question is the minute we cease to be. So, are you happy?"
Am I happy? To an extent I suppose I am, no one is truly happy but, they remember the times that they are.
Let happiness overwhelm you. I frown, at the memorized chalk message from two days ago, I swear this person is from the future. If this is future Alice, I am going to be so freaking pissed.
I shake my head, realizing that Bella's still waiting on a response, "By that logic, it only works if I'm the one asking myself if I'm happy," I reply.
She chuckles to ease the sudden tension, "Fair enough, but, when I asked that question, did you repeat it in your mind or did you affirm it?'" she asks and, for some reason, I know that she knows my truth.
I feel my phone vibrate in my pocket again bringing me back to reality, I take it out for a momentary distraction from our standoff.
"I gotta go, goodnight Bella, see you tomorrow," I throw out.
I make a hasty retreat to the car, leaving behind a confused security guard and shards of the wall that I had so cleverly built up so long ago.
I can't let happiness overwhelm me when, I'm not even sure what it means to me.
The Next Day~
Things were back to normal between Bella and I, it was if the few hours between us dissipated whatever awkwardness there would have been if I had stayed.
I open the door to my classroom and flick on the lights, my eyes instantly scoping for a message that I have learned to appreciate.
Though, today's message is a little different, I walk towards it slowly and touch the rough surface to really determine its presence.
I am writing this for you. Please listen. Don't walk away. Look at me. Just even for a moment. I need you to understand something…
I want to write back, to tell this person that they have provided me with more comfort with one sentence than anyone has in an entire conversation. I can feel their desperate plea to just be noticed, to be loved, permeating from the coloured dust. Even if I may or may not love them back, to give them a chance or do something to let them know that they're not alone.
That I'm not alone.
That we're no alone.
But I can't, I wouldn't know what to write however, there is one overarching feeling that I have within me.
I need to meet them.
~After school.
"May I talk to you?" I ask Bella, breaking her from her television viewing.
She switches it off to give me her full attention, "Firstly, you're already doing it and secondly, I don't think that you need permission," she counts off.
I ignore her comment, "Someone's been writing me messages on the board for the past month and a bit," I inform her.
She starts to rub her chin thoughtfully, "Hmm, I thought that the local priest had performed the exorcisms last summer," she replies.
I fold my arms across my chest and then she finally looks at me, "I'm being series, I didn't really know what to make of it at first but now, their messages are becoming more…brazen?"
Bella frowns, "Are they, well, are they scaring you?" she questions. I wonder why she didn't ask about the content of the messages, but then, if it had been something serious, I wouldn't have approached her with this much tact.
I uncross my arms, "No, it's just bewildering, on the one hand I don't know who's writing these messages when clearly they've been noticing me. But, on the other, it feels nice to have someone notice you, that sounds strange don't it?"
She scratches her forehead, "I guess it's easier to form connections with the unknown than the known, there is something just so compelling about mysteries that engage people. Otherwise, how else would Stephen King still be around?" she answers. She always has an answer to everything.
Bella leans back against her chair, "I'll keep an eye out tonight for any intruders, after all, that's what I'm here for," she states.
I know that her shortness means that she is taking my predicament into consideration, to make me feel safe and protected, to make me feel noticed.
I smirk at her, "And here I was, thinking it was to challenge me with your quips and sarcastic remarks," although the tone may suggest otherwise, I'm grateful for having her.
She returns a smirk, leans forward and then places an elbow on her desk, "That's a fringe benefit," she replies back.
"Gee, you sure know how to make a girl feel special," I scoff playfully.
She points behind me, "Can't you see the girls lining up to see me?" she asks.
I make a show to look to my left and then my right emphasizing the empty hallway, "I better get out of line then, bitches know how to bite," I reply and then I start to laugh.
"You've been hanging around the kids too much," she chuckles, but I can see the mirth dancing in her eyes.
"You know what they say about love having power," I retort.
She scrunches her brow, "Teaching your kids is like fire? As a burning desire?" she connects causing me to be shocked. Barely anyone knows Toto's Love Has the Power and, that association was pretty abstract.
Though, I play off my surprise coolly, "They've never let me down," I reply and wink, she laughs at my lameness.
"That was a terrible comparison," Bella comments.
I shrug, "I'm a science teacher not an English teacher."
"It shows," she quips and then I give her the stink eye.
"You're lucky there's plexiglass obstructing my warpath."
She cranes an eyebrow at me, "I am equipped with a tazer, you know," she says slowly.
"Yes but…"
Before I can riposte my phone rings, breaking us from our verbal match, I look at my phone and wonder how much technology has inhibited our real time lives. I press the reject button not wanting to be rude to Bella, but know that I need to leave for the night. I've stayed rooted in this spot for too long but, I'll be damned before I'm apologetic for it.
"Saved by the bell," I smile at her and she's stoic, she knows that it's that time of night and, it looks like she's preparing for it as well.
"Goodnight Bella," I say, breaking her from her thoughts.
She shakes her head and then looks at me, "Goodnight Miss Cullen, I err, hope that everything works out for you," she replies. She doesn't even know me, but she cares, it is gestures like that which make my heart known to me.
I nod my head to re-assure her, "Be safe ok? I wouldn't know what to do without our conversations every day and every night," I answer honestly, I pick up my bag and begin to walk away.
It may have been my imagination but, I swear that I heard the words, "As you wish," silently chasing after me.
~That Night
Bella's Point of View.
I wipe the chalk from my sleeve having learnt my lesson a few weeks ago that Alice is really damn perceptive.
I look at my freshly painted words on the chalkboard to her, for her, only her.
Have you ever asked yourself if love at first sight was possible?
Well, I'm here to tell you, yes, it is and I'm living proof of it.
You're welcome.
I won't bore you with details and, yes, I am quite aware how stalker-ish this entire one way silent exchange thing is.
But, here's the thing and, I'm paraphrasing a quote here so, bear with me.
I choose to love her in silence, for in silence there is no rejection. And, I choose to love her in my dreams, for in my dreams no one owns her but me.
Though, that's not quite adequate because, I don't want to own her, I just, want to be a part of her life, even if it isn't the same as how she is in mine. Falling in love was the easy part, it's living with it that makes or breaks you and sometimes, it occurs simultaneously.
Alice is like the world, she is a container of mystery but, I'd trade everything I have, for just a chance to discover the hidden parts of her. I've taken all security shifts here because I don't want to sleep. Reality has finally become better than what my dreams could ever conjure because I am in love with her.
I look at the coloured chalk, hating my handwriting and then sigh at the words staring back at me.
You are completely remarkable.
I'm not, but she is.
I think I hear a door click but, don't think anything of it. Have you ever been a security guard by yourself? You start to hear things man.
When I hear footsteps approach me, my senses kick in and I turn around, hand, ready on my baton. However, it's not the masked criminal that I had thought, instead, it's the woman whose classroom this belongs to, staring back at me in awe and wonder. For a moment I think that I'd prefer the criminal and then, I think that this is the first time that she's ever seen me stand up.
I don't move for fear that either of us might run away, I don't know what to do so I freeze, hand still ready at the baton, if I give her a concussion, maybe she won't remember this…Who the hell thinks that at a time like this?
"Bella," she calls me after an eternity.
I slowly place my arms at my sides and take a gulp.
A thousand thoughts are racing through my mind but, there is only one word that I have been longing to say since the day I learnt its meaning.
"Alice."
She disregards the fact that I've called her by her name for the first time but, I know that something pivotal has just changed between us. Right now, in this moment where it is just us.
She walks up to me and stares into my eyes, still in wonder, like it's the very first time.
Only this time, there's no glass between us.
"You're the one aren't you?" she asks.
I don't exactly know what I'm confirming in my next statement, but I know that whatever it may be, we're going to get through this together.
"Yes."
