My hand lingers over the send button; wonder whether it is a good idea. I wish I could talk to him, but I am scared, of what will happen, or that he will never answer. Even if he does answer, what will I say; will it just end up being an awkward conversation? Or will we end up chatting like best friends?
I summon up all my courage and press the button down hard. I take a deep breath and wait.
5 minutes later, no answer
10 minutes later, no answer
15 minutes later, still no answer
20 minutes later, offline
STUFF THIS! I think and slam my hands down hard on the keys, as tears start welling up in my eyes. I squeeze my eyes shut, and place my head down on my computer.
WHY!? WHY!? WHY WON'T HE TALK TO ME!? WHY WON'T HE LISTEN TO ME!?
I ask myself, as more tears fallen from my eyes, splattering down onto my computer keys.
WHY CAN'T HE LOOK AT ME THE WAY I LOOK AT HIM?! WHY CAN'T HE SEE ME THE WAY I SEE HIM!?
Breathe Zoe, breathe. A voice in the back of my head tells me.
Inhale, exhale. Inhale, exhale. I did as the voice said, and I started to feel a bit better.
This brought back funny memories, of having laughing fits in English one day. When my teacher said those exact words to me and my friends.
This brought a slight smile to my face.
I looked at the mess I made on my computer, and wiped it clean as best I could.
I clicked on his profile and followed the 'well-worn' path to my favourite picture of him.
I opened it up, and immediately my face lit up with a big smile.
I just sat there, gazing at it for god knows how long, but then that thought crossed my mind again.
Why can't he love me the way I love him?
and it all started again.