A/N: I know there are a lot of Rape stories out there but my friend recently went through this and I wanted to write something in honor of her. Hope you guys enjoy this and if you do please leave a review? Also these are in no way my opinions they are simply Rachel's thoughts. So please don't take offense.

Rachel sighed painfully as she woke up, wishing like she had the other two mornings she woke up, more than anything that the other night didn't happen. That it was only a nightmare, a horrible one but still a nightmare none the less one that she could just pinch herself and wake up from but the dull ache that had taken over her whole body told her that she had no such luck. She knew that she shouldn't really be going to school after she had been-

No she couldn't even think the word because if she did it would make it real and she did not want to make this real. She crawled out of her bed and slowly achingly made her way to the bathroom, last night she had stared at herself in the mirror for what had seemed like hours but it hadn't take the shock away at all. The entire right side of her face was bruised, her left arm was in a cast. The doctors said it was broken in three places. All Rachel knew was that it hurt like hell and sure made showering a pain in the ass.

She watched herself in the mirror as she gingerly undressed, she didn't want to look but she knew that she had to face this. She had broken two ribs when she had fallen against the curb after she tried to escape. Her entire side was a dark purple. She groaned, school today was not going to be fun and she knew that no one would blame her if she skipped but she had a perfect attendance record to maintain and she wouldn't be Rachel Berry if she didn't keep up with it.

Though in all honesty she didn't feel much like Rachel Berry right now. She felt like… a failure and she had never felt like that never in her life. She failed when she went downtown alone. She failed when she couldn't fight him off, seriously he fathers had wasted a ton of money on those self defense classes, and she failed when she just sat there in the alleyway and cried until someone found her. And surely she couldn't be Rachel, surely she was someone else right now because things like this didn't happen to girls like her.

Girls like Rachel lost their virginity in a dimly lit room full of vanilla scented candles with rose pedals on the bed. It always happened with someone they loved. They didn't lose it with a dirty, smelly man in an alleyway. It didn't happen. This kind of stuff didn't happen to stars and there was no doubt that Rachel Berry was a star.

Or was she?

No she wasn't and probably would never again feel like a star again. Last night more than her innocence had been taken, last night her star quality had been ripped from her. Who was she now without that? Who would ever want her again now that she was… tainted? Would Quinn ever want to touch her again? That was probably the worst part of all, she could almost deal with the rape… almost but losing Quinn would surely push her over the edge that she had been carefully balancing on for the past two days.

Slowly she made her way back into her room a found a pair of baggy jeans and a t-shirt to wear. She didn't have it in her to wear her usual sweater and sinfully short skirt. A soft knock on her door made her jump a foot in the air she hadn't realized just how on edge she really was.

"Come in." She said hoarsely her voice was practically gone from all the screaming she had done as well as crying.

"Hey Princess." one of her father's said with a small smile.

"Daddy." She did her best to smile back at him but she didn't really feel up for it, plus it hurt her face a little when she did.

"How are you feeling baby?" he asked his tone was soothing and it kind of made Rachel want to fall into his arms and cry herself back to blissful unawareness that sleep allowed her.

"Perfect daddy." She replied this time she actually did smile back. Really she should just go ahead and get her Oscar now because she sounded pretty damn cheery for someone who was falling apart as badly as she was.

"Rachel maybe it's best that you don't go to school for a couple of days."

"I have a perfect attendance record as well as a 4.2 grade point average to maintain daddy I can't just skip a couple of days my grades have a very likely possibility to drop."

"No one would blame you. We could have your work sent to you here."

Rachel didn't want to show weakness she wanted to be brave for her dads but it wasn't easy and it was a battle she was quickly loosing. Her lips quivered and her voice shook as she answered him.

"Perhaps I could attend my first period class and see how it goes from there?" She suggested because she was sure that if she spent any more time at home she would go stir crazy with nothing to do, nothing to get her mind off the events of Friday night. What she really wanted was to see her girlfriend but at the same time she didn't.

"What ever you want is fine with us. We've both taken the day off so we can take you to school and pick you up at anytime if that's what you need. " He dad said as he came to stand beside her daddy.

Honestly she didn't want to go to school a slushy in the face today but she couldn't just let her parents watch her like a hawk. So she nodded sealed her self off to the emotions that where coursing through her body at an alarming rate. One second she was so incredibly sad and disappointed the next she was livid. It was all so confusing to her. The only emotion that stayed constant was hopelessness, and the thought that this was undoubtedly her fault.

"I'm going to… finish getting ready. I will be down stairs in a few."

They both nodded and right as they closed the door her daddy smiled brightly at her. "Oh and Ray… we made your favorite! Star shaped pancakes."

"I'm not hungry." She mumbled as she disappeared into her bathroom.

Rachel was sitting in her father's car in the parking lot of McKinley high when her panic attack hit her. Her breathing became labored as her heart started beating so fast it made her light headed. She knew what was happening almost immediately she was hyperventilating at the sight of her high school. The very thought of going in there and facing all those people who hated her now, the thought of facing the girl who would surely reject her when she found out what happened made her sick.

"Rachel are you okay?" Her dad asked looking back at her his eyes widened. Rachel was well aware that when a panic attack like this hit she broke out in hives that coupled with her bruised face that for the most part Rachel had successfully hidden , (really there was only so much she could have done,) must have been quite and alarming sight.

"I… Can't" She choked out tears rolling freely down her cheeks So much for maintaining her composer. What kind of actress was she going to be if she couldn't pretend like she wasn't panicking?

"That's perfectly fine honey"

Rachel nodded completely ashamed of herself but relived that she didn't have to go to school. She spent the rest of the day in her bed with her bedroom door locked.