Reviews are love and any constructive criticism greatly appreciated :D I always like hearing how I can improve.

Warnings: M/M love, don't like, don't read. One swear word.

Disclaimer: Everything belongs to the amazing Cassandra Clare who gave us these amazing characters. I'm just playing with them ;D Title is from the beautiful song "Calling You" by Blue October.

Summary: Angsty oneshot. Set in City of Glass, before Alec and Magnus meet in Alicante, when Alec is calling him and Magnus won't call back.

Thanks so much to my lovely Beta Arya Cole for reviewing this for me!

Calling You

To say Alec was in a bad mood could easily have been the understatement of the year. Oh he was so annoyed. He was mad at several things. Phones, as he had made perfectly clear when his own cell has smashed against the wall of his room, sending Jace next door flying into Alec's room thinking some sort of demonic being might have attacked his parabatai. Only to find said boy fuming at his miraculously still alive cell phone, from which elicited a beep announcing that now would be the time to leave a message on the voicemail of who Alec had been trying to get a hold of almost obsessively for days. And .Time. That beep voice began drawling in a tone that reeked of supposed superiority.

"The fact that you're hearing this probably means that I didn't deem your call important enough to bother getting up. Or maybe I'm out, there's always a small chance of that. If you absolutely have to, leave a message, don't hope too much that I'll listen to it."

The first time Alec had heard this, he'd been too stunned to hang up for five minutes, staring at the device in incredulity. Not important enough? He was not important enough to Magnus? Alec knew the warlock wasn't out. He didn't go out at this time. He would be on his couch, most likely, stroking Chairman Meow and watching reruns of Project Runway. The shadowhunter knew him too well to even attempt to console himself with the thought that Magnus might not be home. A stab of pain and anger shot through Alec every time he called and got the voicemail.

But he didn't stop calling. After a week, he had begun to give up hope. Magnus was not going to call him back the way this was going. After half a dozen left voicemails, he just knew that. But he didn't stop. Because any reminder of Magnus was better than none. Alec had tried that – staying away from the glittery warlock, avoiding him and any reminders of him in every way possible. And he had ended up worse than he was now, clutching the small electronic device with his hand, sunk down on the floor, one or two tears streaking down his cheek – he didn't allow more to flow – as he listened to Magnus' automated voice over and over again. He hated this. Hated the situation he was in.

He was mad at the world for making his life so complicated. Not only was the fact that he was gay enough. Sure, Isabelle knew. Jace sometimes acted like he knew (hopefully only about his sexual orientation and not of his crush on his parabatai). But Maryse and Robert? Alec couldn't begin to draw the courage to tell them. His life had never connected with anything that could give him an idea of how they would take it, whether they would accept him like this. Not to mention the Clave. So focused on traditional values. Could he risk telling? Could he really risk his family, his profession, his life for this?

Yes. For him.

But Alec shut away the thought. Magnus. He was breath taking for sure. It was something the teen had noticed the minute he passed over the threshold into the warlock's apartment in Brooklyn. The glitter than covered his body and hair, that clung to his long lashes and luscious lips. That soft hair, all spiked up into different directions. That lean frame, clothed in leather and colours.

And then those eyes. Those beautiful, expressive eyes that always seemed to look through Alec. That seemed to analyse him for emotions.

If there was one thing Alec was sure about, it was that Magnus had known from the minute he had seen the blue-eyed shadowhunter. Had known about his secret.

And for some strange inexplicable reason, Alec had felt himself drawn to the man. The one figure he knew that was so out there, so glamorous and frivolous and flamboyant. He knew this was the worst person to fall for. The traditional way he had grown up told him to fall in love with the exact opposite of Magnus. Less loud, less complex, a lot less male and of all things, anything but a downworlder. And Alec had gone and broken all these rules when he went back to the apartment in Brooklyn the first time.

After a while he had stopped caring so much about his inner demons. What he cared about was that no one knew. Magnus had never been happy about that. He wanted to pronounce their… relationship to the world, but he didn't. Because Alec asked him not to.

Because, for some reason that to the boy was unfathomable, unbelievable, magical and incredible, Magnus wanted to be with him still.

For the first time in his life Alec had felt like he was loved back. The happiness that flowed through him whenever Magnus was there was one that lasted for hours and days after their meetings. The improvements in his mood where visible. Isabelle, Jace, even their parents commented on the change in him, all the while not knowing what caused it.

Yes. Alec had been incandescently happy. Happier than he had ever been.

And now… he had gone and fucked it all up just because he could not face telling the world who made him the happiest man on earth.

And that was why mostly, he was mad at himself.

"Woah, woah, slow down you maniac!"

In a fit of fury, Alec had grabbed Jace on his sleeve underneath his elbow, as his parabatai was coming at him to attack, grabbed Jace's side with his other hand and flung the guy onto his back a few metres away, where Jace's head knocked against a wall.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Jace shouted, eyes blazing as he braced himself against the cold stone wall to get back up.

"Nothing. I'm fine"

"Yeah, sure" Jace's voice was laced with heavy sarcasm.

"I'm sorry"Alec offered, running a hand through his hair as he backed away a couple of steps, inhaling deeply. The sudden anger had grabbed him in the middle of their training session. So far, Jace had been winning, as always, when Alec caught sight of a book in the corner.

History of Warlocks

Whoever had put it there had to be out to get him. Magnus' face appeared in his mind, his soft features underlined by the lighting, hair worn down and makeup and glitter off. The way Alec loved to see him most.

So he'd lost it. He had let his anger out on his parabatai. Who, as of that moment, looked extremely pissed as he stalked toward Alec, catching him off-guard and flipping him over harshly, causing a sharp intake of breath on Alec's side as he winced in pain.

"What the hell Jace? I said I'm sorry!"

But the blonde just smirked as he walked away from the training grounds triumphantly. A string of curses was let out by Alec as he turned on the spot, gripping his hair so hard that it hurt. He needed to breathe, needed air…

Needed Magnus.

But of course, fortune would not have it. When Alec once again pressed the number one on his speed dial and waited for what seemed like hours for the warlock to pick up, he could feel the angry tears flow down his face again when the monotone, yet silky beautiful voice sounded.

"This has to be the hundredth message I'm leaving you." Alec choked back the tears that threatened with their presence, trying to keep a calm composure as he spoke.

"I know you're there. You never leave the house at this time. I know you." His voice broke a little as he almost whispered the last part. "At least I thought I did."

Blinking rapidly, Alec let a tear after another fall down his cheek, his voice getting more and more a mixture of anger and complete despair. "I don't know what I did to make you avoid me this much. I know I haven't been a good… boyfriend, but-"

That one word Alec had always had such trouble saying. The word he was terrified of most because it betrayed so much about him. Suddenly, his lips felt impossibly dry as he remembered the first time Magnus had called him that. His boyfriend. And what a thrill it had given the shadowhunter.

This had to be the first time Alec had managed to say it back, even if his voice was now barely even a whisper. A mortified, heartbroken whisper.

"-but I…" What now? What excuse could he possibly come up with that made up for everything he had done to Magnus. Alec sighed and slumped down on the ground.

"I don't know what else to do. I don't- I… I need you to tell me how I can make this better. How can- What-"

Frustration soared through his veins as Alec clenched the small device harder and let out a strangled groan, trying to get some sense into his words.

"Please" he murmured softly, tears flowing faster, betraying his voice and making it sound choked. "I- I need you, Magnus"

On the other end, a tall, lean figure with tanned skin that seemed to glisten in the dim light even, sat huddled up next to the answering machine. No make-up adorned his usually sparkly, colourful face and his clothes were a sombre black. His hands were clenched into fists as he tried to resist picking up the phone, listening to the tormented voice on the other end. He could not give in. Alec had to realise that he could not just get all the benefits from this relationship and not even acknowledge its existence to the rest of the world. As much as Magnus loved the boy, he could not go that far and hope to remain sane.

Still, it hurt. Leaving his boyfriend to hear the answering machine with every call he made that was quickly amounting to a number that was too high for Magnus to count.

With a soft sigh, the warlock got up, wiped his cheeks of the traitorous tears and, throwing one last glance at the answering machine, walked to his room, where he leant against the door the second it had closed. "I love you" the soft words flowed through the room, directed at no one but the darkness that painted a picture of Alec in memories and emotions, before falling apart again, dissolving into particles of dust. Energy evaded him, flowed out of him like the magic had when he had healed Alec from the grievous, deadly wounds so long ago.

There was no spark of life left in the eight hundred year old man. In all those years, he kept his heart closed, kept everyone out. Until that blue-eyed wonder came along and shattered the protective walls around him into a million glittery pieces. For the first time in years, Magnus had allowed himself to be in love and to fully exploit this feeling.

And he had loved it. Almost as much as he still loved the shadowhunter. There was no denying that fact. Getting over someone was not something Magnus was good at. He never had to, not with Camille, not with anyone else. He could not simply flip a switch on his feelings and get on with his life, move onto someone else. There was no one else. No one who could replace the vast, empty void Alec was leaving behind in the warlock. Right now, all his thoughts, his entire being focused on that man. The person who had taught him how to feel, how to emphasise. The first person who had broken through his tough exterior to find the soft-hearted being inside. The undeniable love of his life.

And then, almost as quickly as the group of shadowhunters had left the party upon their first meeting, it was all over.