I have 'borrowed' from the following sources: Lois McMaster Bujuld's wonderful "Vorkosigan" saga, fishie's BFFACC, NS's "Legal Eagles" (available at Rb's site - check it out), and Anne McCaffrey's "Petabee" trilogy.
People involved that asked to be: Brat Girl, Meridian, & Kyra.
People involved that didn't ask to be: D.M.P..
People mentioned that asked to be: FyreEyes.
People mentioned that didn't ask to be: Amy, Ash, Brian, CobraGirl, D.M.P., & fishie.
Please note: While I have granted all requests to be involved so far, a lot of them have requests like "I am INSANE! Feature Me!". I DO NOT want to hear you are insane. I need sane authors in the story, to balance my insane-ness. A better phrased request is "I am SANE! Hahha, a rarity! Feature me!" (I liked Kyra's.)
Thank you, and on to the story.
Half Price Cliches
Two men in doctor's coats knock on the door to a cell. They then open the door and enter, syringes drawn. A girl is lying on the cot, looking bored.
"You have been allowed to enter the-" trumpets blare in the background "-common room."
"Cool!" The girl jumps up. "Can I go to Fanfiction.net?"
"NO!!" The doctor signaled his assistant and they back out of the room carefully.
"What about my trip to the common room?"
The doctor yells into the room. "When we have broken you of that horrible habit."
"NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
The assistant turns to the doctor. "Is it right to leave a human being in such pain?"
"Now, now, son. She is a Bad FanFic Author and does not deserve to be treated as a human."
"Of course, doctor."
Jessica wakes up to the sound of yelling and screaming. Now, being in the BFFACC this isn't unusual, but this time the screaming is coming from the door to her "room".
The door bursts open to reveal her doctor and his assistant, dragging a bound girl into the cell.
The other girl shuts up, and the doctor and assistant leave the room. Jessica eyes the other girl and introduces herself.
"I'm Jessica DragonTamer. I wrote a self-insertion fic titled 'Another fine Cliche' so I'm here."
The girl nods. "I'm Brat Girl. I wrote 'Another Cliche' and 'Yet Another Cliche'. Last time I was here there was only one person per cell. Um, could you un-tie me?"
Jessica starts un-tieing Brat Girl as she replies. "There was a boom of cliché stories and the BFFACC had to take more prisoners. I've been here a month and there are 54 new prisoners since I came."
Brat Girl rubs her wrist. "Wow."
Jessica decides to try a lame joke. "What's your english teacher gonna say?"
"Not funny. Are they going to put anyone else in this cell?"
"Probably. I figure we can make break for it then."
The girls talk about their escape plans for the rest of the day.
The doctor (and assistant) enter with a new prisoner the next day. The prisoner is bound and gagged.
"Brat Girl! Take the doctor." Brat Girl nods and leaps on to the doctor, yelling at the top of her lungs.
Meanwhile Jessica trips the assistant and frees the new girl. "Let's get out of here," she yells.
Brat Girl knocks the doctor on the head with the assistants foot, and he goes unconscious. She then follows Jessica and the new girl out the door.
They rush towards the common room and burst open the doors. Then, after succeeding to startle everyone, they bar the doors from the inside.
"We're here to rescue you." Brat Girl looks at Jessica in amazement, but Jessica waves at her to quiet. "Unfortunately, we ran into some problems along the way. So, we have to keep the BFFACC people out. I'll organize you into units, and we'll take turns standing guard, going on rescue missions, and fixing food. Any questions?"
Everyone just stares, to startled talk.
"No questions? Ok, lets get organized. I want five lines.."
Brat Girl taps Jessica on the shoulder. When Jessica turns toward her Brat Girl starts yelling. "Are you INSANE?"
Suddenly Brat Girl disappears and is replaced with Marco. "What am I doing here?"
"Brat Girl started sounding like you, so the Powers That Be switched you."
Meanwhile....
"Marco, shut up."
"Everyone has a right to their own opinions." Cassie says.
"Brat Girl. I'm Brat Girl. Brat Girl. NOT Marco."
"Not Brat Girl!!!! Ahhhhhhhh!!!" all the Animorphs run off, never to be heard from again. (until, of course KA bribes them with hundred dollar bills.)
Back at the BFFACC....
"OK. I want all the furniture pushed up against the doors."
"Hey." An unknown author (FyreEyes) taps Jessica's shoulder. "Who died and left you in charge?"
"Uuuummm, I'll get you out of here. Has anyone else tried that?"
"Well, yeah. DMP, and fishie."
"Like heck she did. She escaped, leaving the rest of you here." FyreEyes ponders this as Jessica turns back to giving orders. "Find some rope!"
Jessica sighs and plops down onto a sofa. She'd had no idea that leading an escape was so hard. After all, Miles Vorkosigan had done it many times. She closes her eyes, about to get some well earned sleep when Marco starts shaking her.
"Whadda ya want?"
"I simply wish to return to my plane of origin, thereby temporarily deferring lawsuits and other legal action."
"Huh?"
"I. Want. To. Go. Home."
"Lawsuits?" Jessica is really very annoyed that she can't understand him. She thinks watching high-quality TV show such as JAG, Homicide: Life on the Streets, etc, should allow her to understand him.
"Remember the Non-official Ani-Writers hand book, Fall/Winter 99 edition, published by fanfiction.net? Remember rule #345? 'All self-insertion fanfics must (a) not involve other fic writers or (b) have the Animorphs, if they appear at all, play cameo parts.' 'Member that? "
"Yeah..." Jessica eyes are closed and her breathing is very steady. "Soooo?......"
"Hello! Is this cameo?"
Meridian walks up and moves Marco to the side. [Meridian had fallen thorough a plot hole in another cliché 'fic into the BFFACC. Meridian is actually rather glad this happened, as the other cliché was rated R and was stretching the limits.]
"Look, she's just taken a bunch of disorganized fanfic authors and turned them into a organized guerilla team."
"I'm the gorilla around here."
"Guerilla! Guerilla!"
"Oh. Whatever. Anyway, who says we LIKE having you loose? All you do is ruin our lives."
"The point is, uhh," Meridian thinks for a moment before remembering the point. "Oh, yes. The point is, I'm her agent and any complaining you have can be done through me."
"I'm MARCO! I don't need an agent to talk to anyone." Marco actually yells this and Jessica wakes up.
Meridian motions for Jessica to go back to sleep. "What are your complaints?"
"I should be with the other Animorphs, not HERE."
"Hmm... Did Jessica write you into the story?" Jessica is now sound asleep again, dreaming of a BFFACC free universe.
"No. I was switched with Brat Girl."
"And Jessica didn't make the switch?"
"Nope. She said the Powers That Be did."
"Then my client didn't actually bring you here. Therefore, she can not be held responsible for either bringing you here or whatever mishaps may occur because you are here and not in your own dimension."
"I'll have you know I'm a Legal Eagle. I can find holes in anything."
"Well, I'm a legal dolphin. Dolphins are smarter then eagles."
"Ah ha, but does dolphin rhyme?"
Meridian guides Marco over to a pile of papers to convince him that Jessica is not in the least responsible.
Jessica opens her eyes. She is well rested, and Meridian is sitting on her bed, fending off people with questions
"I guess I owe you one, huh?"
"Oh, don't worry about it."
"Well, gawsh, Maradain, thanks. I faal kind af.... Wait a minute. D.M.P.!!!!!!"
@How'd you know it was me?@ An eerie 'voice' floats across the room. All the other prisoners freeze for a moment and then look around wildly to see where it's coming from.
"Yoar 'Pare Insantiy', ramambar?"
@Damn. Well, anyway, without your license you can't fix it. I'll enjoy watching this.@
" Maradain, I naad ma licanse. I think it waad ba kapt in tha office."
Meridian nods. "Come on. Let's go get it." Meridian and Jessica stand up and head for the barricaded doors. Meridian pushes the way through the crowd as Jessica tries desperately to say 'ee'.
They un-barricad the doors and step out. Just before Meridian slams the door Marco comes rushing out.
"I found a loophole!"
Meridian looks at the piece of paper Marco is holding, points out the flaws in his logic, and pushes him back into the room. The door shuts after him, and the authors on the other side start barricading the door again.
They rush down the hallway, looking for doors that could lead to an office.
@Oh, I'm really enjoying this.@
Jessica groans.
Meridian points ahead. "Door!!"
They turn and bust open the door. It's an office, with an psychiatrist sitting behind a desk and a girl with one of her hands tied to a chair in front of the desk. Jessica heads for filing cabinet while Meridian cuts the rope with something from the R rated fic.
"Amy, Ash, Brian, CobraGirl, DragonTamar." Jessica grabs her folder and opens it. She reaches into it and grabs her license. "Aha! I can talk normally again." The psychiatrist is staring at Jessica. She turns to him. "Do you own the BFFACC?"
"No. The owner's office is that way." He points to a door they hadn't noticed before. "Down the hallway."
Jessica rushes through the door. Meridan finishes un-tying Kyra and follows. Kyra thinks for a moment, hits the psychiatrist on the head with her chair, and then rushes after Meridan.
Jessica is rushing down the hallway. She reaches two doors, right across from each other.
Coming next time..
Who is behind the BFFACC ? Shocking secerts revealed.