Call of a Lover
It's calling me.
Like a raven haired lover singing softly from perfumed satin sheets...
"Come on baby..."
A bone deep ache. Pain, need, want in every pore. Fighting for control. Always fighting to keep it in control.
"You know you want me..."
The want, the need is always there. Nagging. Aching. Just a little. All I want is a little. Then it'll be okay. Then I'll be fine. That's all. Just once.
"You know you *need* me."
It would be so easy. Fingers remember it. Muscle memory is as sharp as ever. The ease of it. The routine motions. Like riding a bike. Like making love. Easy. Just have to take that first stop. Then everything falls into place. Easy.
"It'll be just like old times."
Good times. I was powerful. I could do anything. No doubts. No concerns. No worries. Good times.
"I've missed you baby. It's been so long."
A long time. Such a long time. Years. Years of trying to forget. Ignoring the need. Fighting the ache. Years of trying to be good.
"Remember me baby?
I...I remember.
"Remember how good I made you feel?"
Entering blue cold and turning to white hot. Scarlet pain easing into a deep purple ecstasy. Floating through soft white clouds and flying thorough azure skies. Throbbing undulating lights, moving around my eyelids. Pure light infusing every pore. Power, strength, love filling me with every breath. Perfect. Beautiful.
"Remember how bad you felt without me?"
Pain. Spasms. Searing. Shooting. Down my spine, out my arms, through my legs. Sickness. Felt like dying. Wanting to make it stop, but it wouldn't couldn't wouldn't stop. Vomiting. Itching. Sweating. Shaking. Wanted....needed...they wouldn't let me have... Hated them all.
"But not me baby. You loved me."
Loved more than anything. Needed...wanted...begged for...cried... No dignity. No pride. Would have done anything for...
"You miss me baby."
Yes.
"You know only I love you."
Loved it, loved the feeling, the power, the sensation, loved the smell, touch, taste....
"Nobody's ever loved you like I did."
Filled the need. Filled the emptiness. Filled the hole. Made me whole.
"Nobody ever made you feel like I did."
Have never found that feeling again. Have never found the passion, the power, the sheer sensation again.
"Please baby. Take me"
Please. Take me back to that feeling. Back to the power. Back to the confidence.
"Just once."
Just once. Just once and I'll be good again.
"Nobody needs to know. It'll be a secret."
A secret. My little secret.
"Nobody needs to know."
Nobody. A secret.
"I'll make everything go away."
Make it stop. Make it go away.
"Just once baby. What could it hurt?"
What could it hurt?
"Who could it hurt?"
Who could it hurt?
"Who could it hurt?"
Who?
"Daddy?"
"..."
"Daddy!"
"...what is it Lian?"
"The monsters are back Daddy. They want to get me."
Roy looked at the small amber vial, causally picked up and pocketed during a bust that day. He didn't know why he took it, or why he'd held on to it all day until Lian had fallen asleep. His heart beat wildly in his chest and he could hear the blood roaring in his ears. The glass suddenly felt heavy in his hand, a huge weight threatening to crush him and his world.
"Daddy??"
"Just a minute sweetheart."
With short jerky movements, Roy opened the vial and dumped its contents into the middle of the toilet and let the container with its lid follow. Flushing three times, Roy then went to the sink and scrubbed his hands until they were bright red. Taking a deep breath to try and calm his racing heart, Roy then went to the door and opened it. Lian looked up at him with tears on her face and held up her arms. Roy kneels and picked his daughter up, burying his face in her silken hair.
After a few moments, Lian looked up and touched the tears on her father's cheeks.
"The monsters tried to get you too." Roy smiled and kissed her tiny forehead.
"You scared them away for me." Lian's face lit up.
"I made it all better?" Roy held his little girl close.
"Yes sweetheart. You make everything all better."