Hey there!
I haven't written anything at all in such a long time and then last night this just appeared on my laptop screen. I actually started out as a completely different story for a completely different fandom and to be honest, I'm not really sure how I came up with this...
I think I'm just super excited about Season 10 coming later this month!
Anyway, I really hope you like this. :)
"You should not have come."
You aren't really sure what provokes the memory, just that it's there. The words swirling in the back of your mind and pushing themselves to the forefront, allowing no room for any other thoughts because you just know it's something that you shouldn't have been thinking about at all.
You choose, on principle, to ignore Somalia. It's an inky splotch on your memories and it doesn't bear thinking about. You have become quite adept at ignoring these things that they say you shouldn't, it's just easier to pretend it never happened and to focus on the more important parts of your life. Somalia is in the past and you don't need to think about it today, not when there are innocent families pining for closure and your own family that needs you to be strong and focused.
But every now and then, on these evenings when the days events have stiffened your bones and the resulting paperwork has left you weary, unwanted memories somehow manage to resurface, to haunt your dreams and you just know that your day is not yet over.
The night is filled with twisted sheets and stiff limbs and a sting at the back of your eyes when you realise that it's three am and all the lights are still on. You aren't even going to bother attempting sleep in fear of being awoken by yet another monster from your past.
It reminds you of those evenings when you were little and the witches outside your window were cackling, you would scramble through to your brothers room and curl up beside him in bed to wait for his sheets to warm your toes and his steady breathing to coax you into a dreamless sleep.
They are rather fond memories, you think. But your family's all gone now and there's no one else's sheets to warm up your toes so you pour yourself another mug of coffee and wait for the dawn.
The images linger like sludge in your mind. Fragments and snippets coming together to form the face of the man you loathe so much. Despite the fact that you know he's dead, you know he's gone, he still manages to make you shudder and causes the air in your to lungs thin. But suddenly there's another man. One with shiny green eyes and a grin that just promises trouble and words that will save you in any way they can.
You lean against the window of your new flat that doesn't quite feel like home, wrapped in a blanket that isn't quite warm enough and curl around a red skull mug from Abby that's just perfect. Beams of sleepy sunlight peek through the cracks between the buildings towering up over yours but all you can see are those shiny green eyes. They bore into your own through a haze of darkness and disparity. Eyes that allowed you to breathe in something clean and new for the first time in months. Eyes that remind you that your loved. That you are worth something. That unlike Salim, you will be greeted every morning by the sunlight.
"Couldn't live without you I guess."
You sometimes wonder if he meant it. It's easy to forget that he was under the influence of a truth serum and reason that Tony Dinozzo is simply the master of dangerous situations. He's says many things under pressure and you doubt he remembers half of of the random thoughts he spews out on a daily basis.
That doesn't mean you don't know he cares though. Of course he does, because you are a family and family cares.
You shuffle into the bullpen a little while later, clutching your third coffee of the morning and wondering if your concealer is actually doing its job to mask your night of staring down nightmares. He just has to lean across his desk and offer you that look for you to know that you need some new make-up. After watching you for a few minutes with a silent question to which you offer no answer, he says something ridiculous and harmless to Mcgee about coffee and Norway and you're conscious of him looking for a way to rid you of your haunted demeanor.
He told you he cares and he meant it Ziva David. Do you know how much you worry him when you don't look after yourself?
"You should have left me alone."
Gibbs strides past you and your head's still a little clouded but you know there's a marines nameless body out there somewhere awaiting a redemption that only Team Gibbs can bring. Grabbing your bag and your polystyrene cub, you steadily ignore his eyes straining to see whatever's going on in your sleepy mind and follow Mcgee to the waiting elevator.
You can feel him behind you, closer than usual but still holding a respectable distance under your boss's perceptive gaze. He's rambling on about nothing and you wish you could offer him a fake little smile to ease his concern but you know he would see straight though it and those worry lines would deepen and you would just crumble. You're exhausted.
You file into the elevator space, a part of you feels a little uncomfortable when you turn to face him and his eyes grip your own with a hint of mischief. He's half smiling at you, he's still talking, but now you know what he's doing.
The corners of your mouth can't help but twist up a little in anticipation and his grin widens because his mission is a success. Whatever it is that was bugging you before, whatever horrible memories were tugging at the crevices of your mind are dimming in comparison to the mega-watt smile now gracing your partners face.
A hand hits it's mark at the back of his head with a resounding thwack but he doesn't even wince. The relief in his eyes is enough to let you know that his standard response of "Sorry Boss" is not meant. He isn't sorry at all.
"Okay, tried, couldn't."
Any thoughts?
By the way, if any of you haven't already seen it, the season 10 teaser is on Youtube. I almost died when I watched it xD