born out of thorns

by ooftieooft

It is the most terrifying and horrifying feeling when Len realises he's in love with his sister. - Rin/Len.

1. what i have to do,

TITLE: born out of thorns
SUMMARY: It is the most terrifying and horrifying feeling when Len realises he's in love with his sister. Rin/Len. Incest. TWOSHOT.

Rating: M for the Incest and other things :)

NOTES: This has been in production for quite a while… let me know what you think? I feel like there aren't many stories in the Rin/Len department that truly grapple and handle the whole incest thing very well (hence why I started Socialities – which is in dire need of an updated chapter, I know, please don't hurt me!)

But while I was writing, I realised how hard the subject was to tackle, and I was so bloody confused about how to approach the topic and what writing style to use and blah-blah-blah and frankly, the entire thing was becoming impressively long, so I was like. Okay. Clearly this monster doesn't want to be just a oneshot, so I was all, fine! Fine. Be that way. See if I care.

UPDATED: ffnet killed my doc a bit, which I've tried to fix but if there are weirdly joined words or missing words, let me know!

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There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness.

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It starts when he's eleven.

He doesn't really remember much of Rin. Their parents had separated before they were born and, fittingly enough, they had both gone with their same-sex parent; he stays with their father, she stays with their mother. From then on, they only speak to each other when it is utterly necessary. It hadn't seemed weird at the time, it just was. It is only until the middle of primary school when he realises that all the other brothers and sisters are either bickering or holding hands and, well, talking.

So he asks his father one day, "How come I never get to talk to Rin?"

And like a switch, his father flips. He immediately runs to the phone and calls his mother - "Yes, Elaine, hello to you too – no, there's nothing wrong with Len, I was just thinking about Len and Rin and whether they should – yes, I know, I should have thought of it earlier, but it honestly didn't cross my mind until – I know, Elaine, you don't have to keep interrupting me. I'm just saying that maybe we could have – I don't know, a play date. I think it'd be good for them to bond a little. When they grow up enough to understand the situation better, they're going to wonder why they never actually spent time with each other, and I don't want to have that conversation."

They go bowling. Their mother, and father, and a family friend to mediate the entire thing. Their father spends all of his time on his Blackberry, while their mother jabbers about this and that on the phone.

Luka, the family friend, tries hard to keep the atmosphere pleasant and happy and joyous but the fact is that it's awkward, and it's forced, and Rin doesn't seem to be too happy with the situation either.

She sucks at bowling and to top that off, is a total sore loser, and so when he wins one game she throws a complete fit and Luka has to beg Len to lose the next game just so that Rin won't be upset on the way home.

He decides that day that he doesn't like Rin very much. Having a sister sucks.

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In eighth grade, his memory of Rin doesn't so much tarnish her as it makes her an object of interest; it's surprising when he hears that a Rin Kagamine had gotten into the Vocaloid Performing Arts School. It's like musical talent is in their blood, or something. Something they have in common.

He finds himself sneaking glances at her in the halls every now in then, looking at her and the kind of friends she has. She seems like every other normal girl. Her school skirt's a little short and her jumper is at least four or five sizes too big for her – she's the absolute embodiment of your typical cute, teenage girl. She's friends with Miku Hatsune, a girl that's bubbly as hell, and has already released some pop album that's apparently been sold in nine countries, or whatever.

Of course, he's not the only one who notices that Rin Kagamine is his sister. It's a bit obvious, considering they're the spitting image of each other. It provides for some awkward situations; people get confused about the fact that they live in different homes, or the fact that it's just as awkward between them as it is between any two people in their grade who don't really know each other. It's a bit unorthodox but nothing torturous.

At the end of the year, she gets the lead in one of their musicals, and he watches her dance and sing with some guy – Kaito Shion, something like that – and he knows, instantly, that she is completely infatuated with him.

He's not sure why. He's just... hyperaware of it, of the way she's looking at him, of the fact that she has feelings for him. He doesn't know how he knows, or why he keeps thinking about it, because he honestly has no opinion on the matter at all. It's just something that pops into his head randomly, like a catchy song or an annoying jingle. Either way, it makes him a little uncomfortable, even voyeuristic to a point. So he shifts in his seat and takes out his phone, tries to play with it discreetly. Anything to not look at Rin, or Kaito, or them together – it looks like something he's not supposed to see, so he tries not to.

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In the ninth grade, she starts emerging. Cliques are becoming more concrete, and he hears people compliment her on her dancing and cute voice in the halls; she's not as girly as Miku, but there's a certain charm that everybody associates with her. She's everywhere. She's organising the bake stalls, showing around the juniors, getting the awards and auditioning for legitimate music parts; she and Miku are known as these beautiful, unreachable, bubbly girls and then he thinks, quite amusedly to himself, that he was pretty stupid for thinking they had anything in common.

As for him, he's just chill. He honestly has no idea where he's going to go with this singing thing. Or his guitar thing. Or his piano thing. Or, you know, any music thing. Because he's alright at it, and his teachers are always harping about potential potential potential but he can't really see a future ahead of him. He looks at the accomplished people – like Kaito, like Meiko, the popular people who round themselves up and call themselves the Vocaloids', the people full of school spirit and absolute joy, and Len just thinks... well, he pales in comparison to that.

That's the year that Miku notices him. She overhears him composing a piece that's due in a week or so, and she stands in the doorway and listens. When he realises she's there, he almost wants to roll his eyes. Not because he doesn't like friendly people – he loves them – but just because this is typical Miku, trying to make friends with everyone in the grade as if it'll matter in a year or two. He lets her approach him, smile at him and tell him what a good piano player he is.

Len wonders if she's into him, because it's hard to tell with girls like Miku. You can tell with most girls, because they giggle and twirl their hair and lean forward and other typically flirty things like that – but Miku does that all the time. So.

He scribbles on a few more notes, trying to play the tune in his head rather than on the piano; he's conscious of Miku's presence, the way she's smiling sweetly at him. He's not really sure what he's supposed to do with girls who watch you while you play, or what to do when they offer you compliments that you aren't sure are empty or not.

Len's pretty certain of what his social status is. He's not exactly supremely popular, is a bit of a self-imposed loner, but he's a far cry from a loser and can hang out with pretty much anyone he wants. He's never considered popularity that big a thing, until he sees the kids who eat in the toilets and hears the girls bitch.

"Aren't you going to play more?" Miku says, smiling softly, and he just shrugs and decides to finish his composition some other day.

"Nah, another time," he says, packing up his music folder and stuffing it into his bag. "Not really feeling it today."

"Are you going to be here tomorrow?" she asks, before he leaves.

He pauses, considers that. What, come to the music room and let Miku Hatsune watch him play? Christ. What the hell is that supposed to mean?

"Maybe," he settles for, and leaves.

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He doesn't go back to the music room after school. Decides that it isn't worth all the questioning and wondering. And he's pretty sure that there are guys in their school who wouldn't hesitate to cut his balls off if they knew he was spending time with Miku Hatsune alone.

One day, when she's coming around with cupcakes and brownies to encourage people to vote for her as a ninth grade president, she stops at Len and asks him, all innocent, "I never saw you at the music room."

He doesn't really know what to say to that. "Right, yeah," he manages lamely. "Sorry."

"No, don't be sorry," she says, a coy little smile playing at her lips. "Make it up to me. We're setting up these slushie stalls next week, and we could use a little help."

"We?"

"Well, me and Rin," she says. "Of course."

"Right. Of course." He licks his lips. "Sorry, Miku, I don't think so."

"Do you just not like me?" she comes out bluntly. Then she turns crimson, like she's only just become aware of what she's actually said. "I mean – I don't know -"

"Of course I like you," he says. "Everyone does, don't they?"

She looks at him with the strangest expression, like it's only just struck her how popular she is.

Deciding the silence has reached its height of awkwardness, he offers her a brief smile before saying, "I'll see you around, Miku." And then he leaves.

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He doesn't speak a word to Rin until he decides to buy a slushie from one of those slushie stalls; he hopes that he'll be served by Miku so he can apologise, or whatever. Make things a little less awkward between them, because now she'll barely look him in the eye. But instead he's served by Rin, who smiles at him (but it falters a bit, and he notices, and he knows it's not because she doesn't like him or anything but still, he notices).

"What'll it be, Len?" she says, with that practiced, bubbly tone of politeness. "We've got coke, red stuff, blue stuff and even green tea slushies! Dunno if the green tea slushies are any good, though, they were kind of an experiment. Two dollars each!"

Experimental slushies. Huh. "Uh. Coke's good. I'll just have one." He hands over two dollars, which she puts into this silver box on the edge of the table. "By the way, where's Miku?"

"Oh. Um." She looks around, her short blonde hair swishing around her. "I think she went to the toilet. She'll be back, though. You should wait here, or something. Why?"

"Nothing. Don't worry about it."

"You're not going to ask her out, are you?"

He blinks at her in surprise, taken aback by her directness. "What?"

"I just mean – do you like her? Is that why you're... I don't know, um... okay, I'm sorry, this is really weird." She fidgets a little. Something she doesn't really do, not usually.

"I don't really know her that well," he replies, trying to figure out what she's so flustered about.

"Oh, yeah, I figured you didn't, because – oh, I don't know. I'm sorry. Could you get out of line? Please? Other people are waiting."

"...Right. Yeah, I'll get out of your way." He moves to the side, watching her curiously. Then he shrugs and walks off to his spot, taking a sip of the slushie– it tastes sweet, way too sweet. He almost spits it out, but forces himself to swallow it down instead, drinks the entire thing. He's not really sure why.

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At home, his father asks him how Rin is going.

"Are you two getting along well?" he asks, cutting his steak into little pieces. Len just stabs his own steak mindlessly. "I heard she got into some kind of photoshoot."

"I hadn't heard. She's alright. We're going alright." He tries to cut the steak with his fork and fails. "I don't really talk to her, though."

"Why not?"

Len shrugs without a word, because, really, his dad doesn't want to know why they're not getting along, or how she's doing. There's no point in getting indepth about anything that's going on just because by that point, he will have lost the will to continue with his obligatory fatherliness. Not that anything is really happening.

"How about schoolwork? Is that going well?"

"Same old," Len says.

His father nods in satisfaction, and chews silently as Len stabs and stabs and stabs into the steak. Not once does his father say anything about it.

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In the first term of tenth grade, Rin bumps into him after school, hands full of school supplies. Her eyes widen a little, before returning to their state of normality and friendliness.

"Didn't see you there, Len," she breathes out, and he smiles back, though he figures his smile isn't as nearly as practiced as hers is. "My mum – our mum, I mean, she's inside."

He doesn't miss the slip, and nods. "Right. I'll see you later, then."

"W-wait," she says quickly, sounding all flustered and confused again. "I just – um... there's a Christmas dinner this year. Well, it happens every year. But my mum – oh, gosh, sorry, ourmum, she wants to know if you can come. She mentioned wanting to invite you but I think she just forgot, and I thought..."

She's nice, he decides. Really nice. "Thanks, Rin," he says. "I'll think about it."

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At home, he tests the sounds out.

"Hey, sis," he says.

"Sis, can you pass me the salt?"

"Hey, sis, do you need help with your calculus?"

"Guess what dad said to me, sis?"

"Mum, this thing happened at school the other day -"

It feels forced, stupid, sad. Pathetic.

For a moment, he's angry at himself, angry at his dad, angry at his mum, just fucking pissed off that everything is the way it is and nothing's the way he wants it to be, that he doesn't know what he wants it to be, that there's no climax to anything and he's just fucking frustrated, and what the hell did it mean when Rin said that her mum – their mum, shit – forgot him? How can you just forget your son? How can you just -

He exhales, closes his eyes. Whatever, whatever, whatever.

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In the second week of the first term of tenth grade, Miku is forced away from her seat next to her friends to sit next to him, because apparently she talks too much and well, he doesn't really talk, period.

It's a little awkward, because Miku blatantly ignores him in favour of the people around him –Kaito, especially – but at the end of the lesson, she stays in her seat and asks if they can talk. He says yes.

He's not sure how, but at some point in the conversation between her "I've never met anyone likes you"'s and "I guess I was just a little shocked by what you said, I'm kind of going through a tough patch right now"s they start kissing. Her lips are really soft and things get really wet and then his neck starts to crick, because their position is kind of uncomfortable. He can taste her apple-flavoured lipbalm and feels how warm she is when she, somehow, climbs onto his lap and straddles him, her arms around his neck.

At some point, she stops, pulls away, her lips all swollen and her cheeks flushed. "I should go," she says quietly, and he nods wordlessly. She gets off of him, hurries off, but stops at the doorway and turns around.

"Am I going to see you at the music room?" she says, and he wonders why he's thinking of saying no. Why he has just made out with the most beautiful girl in the school and he still doesn't want to see her in the music room. But like she can sense his doubt, she says, "Actually, never mind. Sit at my table with me this lunch." She flashes that smile, that smile she and Rin share.

"Yeah," he says, because somehow that doesn't feel as intimate. "Yeah, okay. I can do that."

"You like me now, right?"

Len hesitates. Well, he has to like her. He just made out with her. And what's not to like?

"Yeah. Yeah, I like you."

"Good. I like you too," she offers, and blows a kiss at him. He's not really sure what to respond to that – does he catch it? Blow a kiss back? Grin stupidly? He does neither, just stares at her questioningly. Figuring that he should probably get moving, he grabs his bag and walks over to her, and doesn't protest when she takes his hand and links his fingers with hers.

All the people in the hallway side-glance at their joined hands, but it's not the end of the world. It makes him feel a bit uncomfortable, like he's in a spotlight, like he's some trophy - but he looks atMiku's beaming face and lets it go, decides that the stupid feeling isn't worth standing up for.

They sit down in the cafeteria, a place he hasn't really hung out in since seventh grade. There's Meiko, Kaito, Rin, Miki, Gumi, and that blonde chick, See U or something. Rin looks at him strangely, like she's not sure why he's here. To be fair, neither does he.

She grips his hand hard underneath the table, so that he only has one hand to eat with. He can't really decide if he likes it or not. It's more awkward than anything else. He hopes his hand doesn't get sweaty.

The table chatters excitedly regardless of him, as he eats his food quietly next to Miku. Every so often, she looks over to him and smiles.

Len wishes he could smile back, but he doesn't. He can't.

When lunch is over, Miku asks, "So are you going to sit with me next lunch?"

"Miku, I've got my own group, too." He tries not to sound cold but does anyway, considering the disheartened look on Miku's face. "Look, we don't even know each other that well. Maybe we could, I don't know, take it slow?"

"Oh, yeah, I guess so. That sounds good." She plays with her hair, looks at him expectantly. "I just thought..."

He tries something out; he kisses her. It's strange, having her respond immediately, urgently; like he's really important, like he's all she wants.

Len pulls back, and examines her. This is Miku Hatsune. He could do a lot worse. Much worse, actually. He tries smiling at her, to which she smiles back, says something about having to go to class, and leaves.

He's just not used to this, he decides. He isn't used to the attention so he doesn't know how to react to it, that's all. He's been alone for most of his life and this is just different. He'll get used to this eventually.

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At home, his father is napping, sleeping on the couch. There's a bottle of whiskey next to him, on the coffee table.

He goes to his room and doesn't ask. He calls his mother and she doesn't pick up, so he leaves a voicemail about the Christmas dinner, tells her that he's coming.

'Whether you like it or not,' he almost adds, but decides not to, because that's bitter, and his mother just ignores bitter.

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On Tuesdays, he sits with Miku. Every other day, he sits with his own group. They go on a date or two, to cafés and amusement parks and things, but he can't help but feel a little strange, like he should be feeling more than he should. He looks down at Miku's expression and tries to understand what's so odd about it, until he realises that she's happy. She's just happy.

"So we're having this multicultural fair, and I was wondering if you wanted to help out." She keeps playing with his hand - loosening her grip, then tightening it. Then loosening her grip again and tightening it like he's no one else's.

"Uh, yeah, sure. Why not?" She beams at him, sending an uneasy feeling to his stomach. "When is it?"

"This Saturday. We're all meeting up on Friday night to pre-cook some of stuff, my house. Can you make it?"

"Yeah. Yeah, I can make it. Text me your address."

"Okay!" she says excitedly. "Great! That's great!"

He smiles at her and she moves forward, wrapping both her arms around his. "So does that mean you're my boyfriend?" she says, voice deceptively playful.

"Well, yeah," he says, and she hugs him, burying her face in his chest. He hugs her back.

Dating Miku Hatsune is basically like dating her friends. They sit next to him in class and laugh too loudly and girlishly at his comments, touch his arm and ask for help with their homework. Everything is such a big deal with them. It's downright tiring.

One of them, Meiko, passes a note to him.

'How much do you like/love Miku, on a scale of 1 to 10?'

Annoyed, he writes back, 'None of your goddamned business.'

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They have their first fight on the second week of term three, right after she returns from Amsterdam. She had gone because of some audition or other and her friends had held a going away party, but he thought it was a moot point if whomever was going away was coming back in like, a week.

"Yeah, it is a moot point," Miku had snapped. "Just like going to a concert when you can listen to the music at home is a moot point, just like doing anything ever that isn't eating or sleeping is a moot point. God, Len, why do you always have to be so up yourself about these things? I swear, I don't get you."

The fight was about how he didn't call and only sent her two emails, as opposed to Meiko whose boyfriend IM'd her daily and sent her letters and blah blah blah.

One day at the end of class, Rin waits for him at the doorway. When he raises an eyebrow at her, she laughs, which shocks him a little.

"You hate it," she says, half-amused and half-bemused. "Hanging out with us, I mean. You hate it."

"Hate's kinda strong. It's alright," he says, pulling a bag strap over his shoulder. He could be treading on thin ice, here. "Just a little boring. I guess."

"You don't have to force yourself, you know," she says conversationally, like she understands him (and maybe she does. But he has to keep in mind that this is Rin Kagamine, who is nice and friendly and understands absolutely everyone; that's why she's so popular). "If you hate it, I mean."

He smiles. "Try telling Miku that."

She clamps her lips together at that, like she wants to tell him something but she can't.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing. Nothing's wrong. I'm glad you helped. With the multicultural fair, I mean. You didn't have to. So you're coming to the Christmas dinner?" She looks oddly nervous. "Mum got the voicemail."

"Yeah, I'm coming. Figured I should probably get to know Mum's side of the family becausethey're, you know, family."

"Good! Good." She's fidgeting again. "I guess this is a little weird, huh?"

"What is?"

"Like... this entire thing. I remember, this friend of mine used to like you, and she'd ask and stuff but I didn't know what to say because I didn't really know you that well, and I still don't, and – wow, okay, that was really... I don't know. Um."

There's something about the way she's awkwardly manoeuvring about this conversation that makes him smile a little. "Yeah, I know what you mean."

"You do, right? You do." She balls her fists together at her sides, as if she's self-conscious about her fidgeting. "Because people ask, you know. About you. Why you're not in the Vocaloids. Because you're so... um... antisocial."

"Right, yeah."

"But you're a cool guy. And you're amazing at singing. Like, from what I hear. And, from what I know. Miku seems to really, really like you."

Len isn't sure of what to say to that, so he just shrugs.

It's silent for a while, and he can feel Rin looking for conversation starters, some way to salvage the conversation. It's pretty nice of her, he thinks, so he says, "So how's schoolwork going for you?"

"Great! I mean, crap. But it's like, a good crap," she says. "So much work. I'm so not ready for senior year. I think I'm just going to flail. I mean, fail. But I guess flail works too."

"You talk fast," he remarks.

"I try not to, and I can actually talk faster," she says. "Like, really fast. Except then no one can understand what I'm saying, so I try to talk slower. But I guess it doesn't really work."

"Nah, you're fine," he says.

"Thanks." Back to fidgeting. "Well, okay. I should go to the spot. Are you coming with, or are you...?"

"Uh. I have to do some work in the library, so not this time."

She pauses, like she wants to say something again, but apparently thinks better of it. "Okay. No, that's cool. I'll let Miku know, I guess."

"Thanks, Rin."

She waves at him, almost shy, before leaving the classroom.

Yeah, she's pretty nice.

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He's confronted by Miku on the fourth week of the term. She corners him in the classroom, livid and angry and every bit the embodiment of a woman scorned. "Is it that hard?" she yells. "To just – I don't know – communicate? Is it that hard? Not a single text, or call, or conversation – am I reaching for the stars here? Do you just not likeme or something?"

Len looks away, shoves his hands deep into his pockets and tries to think of a response. He fails miserably.

"You don't, do you?" she says quietly, solemn as any vow. "You don't like me at all."

"I do like you," he manages, frustrated because why is it so hard? He should just be able to sayit. It's not like he doesn't like her. It's not like he's lying. Is this how messed up he is?

Despite his inner conflict, she seems to relax at his words. "It wouldn't hurt if you showed it," she mumbles, kind of folding in on herself, and he takes this opportunity to embrace her. She holds him tightly, like a lifeline, her pigtails digging into his chest. He can feel her shuddering a little, like she's cold, or like she's crying; maybe she's both?

Either, he holds her, and looking at her crying face, he thinks, for the first time ever: what is wrong with him?

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Sometimes, when Miku's talking and he's not really listening, Rin shoots him this small, secret smile, like they have an injoke or something.

Even though they don't, not really, he smiles back anyway. He figures it must be a twin thing.

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In the winter break, the Christmas dinner happens.

He gets there by taxi and looks up at his mother's house, figures she must have remarried some kind of millionaire. It's a massive, contemporary looking house, white and square with big window panels that seem to have specially engineered darkening qualities so that you can't actually see what's inside the house.

Rin's the one who answers the door.

"Hi!" she says, like she's out of breath. "Excuse the mess, we haven't totally cleaned up the place yet. We're still kind of cooking and stuff. Sorry about that."

"That's fine." He shrugs off his coat and to his surprise, she moves to take it off his hands- but he pulls it back, frowning in confusion. "What're you doing?"

"Putting your coat in the coat closet," she says, looking just as confused.

"No, I can... I can do that myself, Rin." Is that what she's done every Christmas? Taken off thecoats off their mother's guests and cooked and cleaned and prepared everything? Seriously? He puts his coat away, taking the opportunity to scan the place. There's so much space.

Then, a preppy, hair-slicked-back kind of guy appears into view, adjusting his tie. He raises his eyebrows at Len, then looks over at Rin. "Is this Len?"

"Yeah! He is," Rin answers quickly, before Len can say anything. "Len, this is Mum's husband. Liam. And his two kids, Jess and Sammy, they're here too. Upstairs."

He didn't even know that he had stepsiblings. Though he supposes they aren't really his siblings by any means. "Wow. Great. Nice to meet you, Liam."

"Nice to meet you too, Len," he says with a smile. "Sorry, I'd introduce myself but as you can see, there's a lot of things to be done. I'm sure we can get to know each other at dinner."

"Great. Sounds fun."

Liam walks off briskly, leaving them alone offers him a smile. "You kind of came a little early," she says, a little teasingly.

"Yeah, well, I was pretty certain that I'd get lost, so I left early."

"How'd you get here?"

"Taxi."

"Oh, okay. Well, um, I guess you can watch TV or something, while you wait. I'm just waiting for some of the food to finish up in the oven."

"Can I help?"

"Oh, um. You could set up the plates?" She glances over at the kitchen. "Although I'm not actually sure which set of plates we're supposed to use... I want to use these floral ones, but Sammy hates pink..."

Suddenly, Rin's personality starts making sense to him. She's practically a mother in her own home, accommodating to everyone like she does at school. She's had to deal with siblings, the stepfather, the busy mother...

He wonders how many times she's spent her days alone in this big, empty house.

"Floral sounds good. We should go for it," he says, trying to sound upbeat, and this big smile just spreads on Rin's face.

"You're right! Let's go crazy. Yay floral!" she squeals, clapping her hands together and grinning widely. "I've been dying to use the floral pinky ones, but Sammy was always like, ew, it's so girly, but I really like it. And I think you'll like it too. I mean, if you're into that sort of thing."

Len, into floral, pink plates? "...Sure."

She makes another little excited noise, and rushes into the kitchen, Len following behind her. He almost swears. It's the biggest monster of a white kitchen, and everything's curved and futuristic and flat, nothing like his ordinary, non-working-oven kitchen.

"Okay. So -" she takes out what looks like a heavy set of plates and cutlery, and he quickly rushes over to help her. She smiles at him in gratitude. "Forks on the left, knives on the put the spoons on the right side of the knives, and a few butter knives in each of the bread baskets, which I'll take out soon..."

"So much effort for one night," he remarks, setting and placing the plates down.

"Well, what do you usually do for Christmas dinner?" she inquires politely, glancing up at him briefly.

He frowns in thought, trying to reel back to last year's Christmas. He'd eaten chicken, peas and carrots with his father in utter silence.

"Just ate with my family," he says, and it sounds kind of like a lie, even though it isn't. "It was more casual than this, though."

"Ooh, cool," she says, and he almost laughs at how forcedly enthused she sounds.

"You don't have to do that." She looks up at him, puzzled. "Be all nice and interested. I don't really care if you think what I do on Christmas is interesting or not."

"I am interested," she insists.

"Right, okay. Sorry."

He feels her look on him for one, two seconds, before she returns to setting the plates down.

The dinner starts at eight. It's a little strange, sitting next to twenty people he's related to. After the appetisers, their mother stands up with a grand smile, lips a dark scarlet to match her dress; she holds up her wine glass proudly.

"I'd like to introduce you all to my son, Len, who has lovingly decided to join us for a Christmas dinner this year," she announces, and everyone claps, smiling over at him like he's welcome. But he can't bring himself to feel comfortable around them, frustratingly enough.

He doesn't like it. Doesn't like the bright lights and the big smiles and the people he's never met before. He knows he's being bratty, that he's not exactly making the biggest attempt to get to know these people, either; but these are just people from another world altogether. He doesn't like it.

And what's worse is that he knew he wouldn't like it – wouldn't like watching his mother have the time of her life on the other side of the table, barely acknowledging his presence. He's stewing in his own self-pity and frankly, he has no idea what had him come here in the first place.

"Are you okay, Len?" Rin asks, eyes inquiring and curious. Her face is kind of perfect, actually.She should fit in here. And she does. And yet somehow, she doesn't.

"Yeah, I'm fine," he replies, taking a bite of the turkey. "Thanks anyway."

And then there's one, two minutes of mutual familial silence before they all hear a crash-shatter of glass from the far end of the table. Alarmed, Rin immediately darts out of her seat, looking over at the obstruction.

"Mum?"

"Elaine, what's wrong? Sweetheart -"

"Rin, clean up the glass, someone's bound to step on it -"

"I'll do it," Len says, because he feels like he wants to, deciding to walk past his mother and into the kitchen.

He hears this loud, almost animal-like moan, and it startles him to think that it's his mother. He glances over his shoulder and finds her burying her head in her palms, like she has a headache. Liam's hands are on her shoulders, whispering things to her, while Rin is in front of her, endlessly calling out, "Mum? Mum? Mum? Mum, what's wrong -"

"God, don't even." Like Miku did, it's like she's folding into herself, burying into herself, crawling up inside her little shell. Is she drunk? Or is she just having a strange meltdown?

Hesitantly, he walks over to where the glass is, tries to clean it up discreetly. This feels like another one of those things. Another one of those things that he shouldn't be witnessing, seeing. He looks up to see his mother pushing Rin away, standing up shakily like she's about to shatter to pieces. He watches, though he's unsure of whether it's in concern or fascination; he's never seen anyone do this before. When dad's upset, he just drinks and passes out on the couch.

"Mum..."

"You want to know what's wrong?" his mother whispers, but it's the heaviest of words he's ever heard said before. "Really, Rin? Do you really want to know? Ask your stepfather, maybe he'll tell you."

"Jesus, Elaine," Liam says, all the love lost in his tone. "Don't tell me that that's what you're getting yourself into a mess about."

Like he's struck her, she stiffens and darts out of her seat, almost hitting Rin. She stares at Liam, right in the eye. "Really, Liam? Really? You spending our fucking money on girls and gambling -"

"It wasn't girls and gambling," he hisses, as if whispering it would make it any more discreet.

"Oh right. Only one girl, isn't there? Only oneslut?" Her shout is almost a gurgle, full of tears and a lodged throat. She pushes at Liam violently, and his eyes go darker, like he wants to push her back.

Len looks over at Rin, who's standing there uncomfortably. Outside Liam and Rin, there is a silence overwhelming the other relatives, who are just staring at the scene and whispering amongst themselves.

"Elaine, this isn't the time to be discussing this," Liam says, in that cold, even tone.

"Oh? When, then? I haven't seen you all month, not until today, and you have the nerve to – to pretend like everything's alright, like you haven't absolutely destroyed our family –"

Liam seems to recoil – out of shock or out of hurt, Len's not sure. "Are you drunk?"

"No! I'm just being honest. For once."

He slides the glass into the bin, and the dustpan and brush back in its original spot.

"Well, good work, Elaine," he says. "Best timing. Don't think you could be any more inappropriate than you are now."

"Mum..." Rin says feebly. "Mum, how about we go out for a walk, okay? A nice, relaxing walk -"

"You always do this. You always patronise me, and you leave me here, alone, in this big house with no one else -"

"For God's sake, Elaine," he mutters. "You're not a child. You're the one who decided to give up her career to become a 'housewife'. If anyone's ruined your life, it's you."

Then she lets out a blood curdling scream, covers her face with her hands again. She sobs and sobs and sobs, cries out, hits Liam on his chest, and eventually everyone has the good nature to leave the room with their plates, making polite, stilted chit chatter as the echoes of their argument hit the walls.

Len looks over at Rin, who just watches their mother tiredly, with a kind of grim acceptance and resignation. "I guess," she says quietly, "we should just finish our dinner."

He's left staring at her, this woman he barely knows, this woman who is his mother.

The rest of the night is poundingly silent.

.

.

.

When he's about to leave, Rin approaches him, tugs on his sleeve lightly in this quiet, shy way. She's so pale looking in the cold night, so small. Her mouth is pulled down into a serious line, her eyes are clouded. She doesn't look at him.

"Can I stay with you for a while?" she says, so soft that he almost doesn't hear her. "I'm just- I don't know, can I? Is that okay? I'm just..."

He blinks at her, at the tiredness that's hanging over her. It looks wrong on her, the tiredness. Like a kind of dying bird. "I'll call my dad," he says, reaching out for his phone and dialling the number. His father picks up on the first ring.

"Len?"

"Hey, dad. Something kind of happened at mum's place, and I was wondering if Rin could stay with us."

She's fidgeting again. He almost wants to take her hands and calm her. But that would just be awkward. "Of course," his dad says, in this I-know-how-your-mum-gets kind of tone. "Of course Rin can stay."

Len nods at Rin. "You can stay."

Her smile is small. "Thanks, Len."

He doesn't really need to be thanked, he thinks, but whatever. "No problem."

.

.

.

The first night with Rin is the quietest night he's ever spent, even though in reality, he's had quieter. She sleeps in his room, which is kind of alarming on its own, because it's his room and God knows what she could find if she goes snooping around there. But his – their father insists that she sleeps in a bed, and not on a couch, because 'God knows what Elaine has done to you while you were there fending for yourself for so many years'. And he wonders why, if their mother is so dangerous, why their father hasn't taken in Rin before this.

The walls are thin, and he can hear her toss and turn in her sleep.

He stays awake the entire night, eyes open, staring at the ceiling and the cracks in it. He tries to place his finger on what he's feeling, on why tonight feels so different; and that's when he realises, with an exhale, with a rush of pushed air, something like relief and unease all at once - he's not alone.

.

.

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He wakes up to the smell of pancakes.

There Rin is, making pancakes in their ordinary, non-working-oven kitchen. He walks over to her, watching her as she hums to herself.

"Rin," he says, and she starts, almost dropping the pan.

"Len! You scared me." She smiles at him, like nothing's happened. Like she's always been here, making pancakes every morning. "Sorry, do you like pancakes? I just thought I'd make them, because..."

She trails off, looks at him to say something. "I'm lactose-intolerant," he says apologetically, and her face falls.

"Wow, I can't believe I didn't even know that. I'm so sorry. Um. I guess I'll just leave the rest for dad?"

"I don't think he'll be back until eight," Len says.

She stares at him. "But it's... yesterday was Christmas," she says, baffled. He's a little baffled himself. He's never had to explain his dad to anyone before.

"He's just like that," he says, pulling out some leftovers from the fridge and popping it into the microwave. "He has a lot of work to do."

"What does he do?"

"I don't know. Some kind of accounting. I've never really asked."

"But he's your dad!"

He looks at her. "He's your dad, too."

She bites her lip and doesn't respond to that; instead she chooses to turn back around to the stove and flip one of the pancakes. So he goes to sit down on the couch, tapping his foot.

.

.

.

On the second week of their winter break, Miku calls him.

"How was your Christmas?" she asks.

"Same old."

"But didn't you go to Rin's this time, instead of just spending it with your dad?"

"Yeah, but it wasn't much different. There was food. Some presents."

"What'd you get?"

"Nothing interesting. What about you?"

"Oh, I'm getting a car. But I haven't chosen what kind yet." Which is impressive in itself, but she says it in that casual way that makes him pretend that buying a car would be totally normal for him, too. "Anyway, I was thinking we could go to the fair this Saturday? With Kaito and the others?"

From where he is, he can see Rin arranging some flowers on the table, humming to herself again. "I don't know, Miku... I kind of want to stay home and chill."

"Oh." Her voice has that high note, that high note of surprise and displeasure. He sighs inwardly. She'll act all understanding now, then talk about it with her girlfriends, and then yell at him for it later. "Well, I could come over. Your dad's never home, right?"

"I guess that'll work," he says. "By the way, Rin's staying with us. Just to let you know."

Rin looks over at the sound of her name, smiles at him. He smiles back.

"Seriously? Why? Is her mum away with Liam?"

"Yeah," he says. "Something like that."

"Man, her family's weird," Miku sighs. "Oh, I guess your family, too. But you know what I mean."

"Yeah, I do. Look, Miku, I'll catch you later, alright?"

She snorts over on the other end, and he can imagine her rolling her eyes. "Whenever you make a promise like that, you almost never follow it up..."

"Alright. You can call me later tonight, then. After dinner."

"Mmmm. Okay. I'll talk to you then."

"See ya." He hangs up, presses the phone against his lips in thought. He looks over at Rin, who's watching him with an unreadable look. "Miku," he explains, though he really doesn't have to, and she nods.

"I could tell," she says. "Is she coming over anytime soon?"

"Nah. It's just us for today."

"Oh. Okay. That's cool. I guess I'll... um... do some homework." She hovers on the spot, like she's unsure of what to actually do, and he supposes he would too, in her position.

"We could always watch TV. Maybe some Jersey Shore. I hear you're into that." He grins, and she flushes, and he's not sure why but he thinks today's going to be a good day.

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NOTE: Let me know what you think – on how I can improve, pacing-wise and writing-wise, and what you'd like to see more of. Less angst, more angst, more anger, less anger, more fluff, less fluff, that kind of thing. Thanks for reading :)