Night After Night
Night after night I go to the 9th floor balcony of an old abandoned building, I go there for what I say is my nightly patrol to guard the city against any evil or crime that might pass by. In truth, I go there for solace, for what tiny sliver of comfort I might find perched on the ledge.
I sometimes feel so alone, watching the city below, the bustle, the noise, the music, the people, the lovers as they walk hand and hand, and kiss passionately in front of the world. And here I am, condemned to a life of solitude, and anonymity. The only sense of being and pride I have is for the protection I offer the city – but sometimes the lack of gratitude the city has for me and my clan drives me into the depths of despair. Saving the city, then hiding in shadows like some shame never to be seen.
God, there was once a time when Gargoyles were accepted amongst the humans – and now…we're nothing more than monsters, hideous beasts who will always have to live like outlaws – outlaws who have committed no crime against humanity, except having been unappreciated sentinels watching over the city.
It leads me to such despair, sometimes I can't stand it anymore. And it's times that I am perched on the ledge of the 9th floor on that beautiful old gothic building, that once was probably a church, but has since been abandoned. I know I don't own the building, but it feels like it's my place. My secret hide away – even so out in the open.
It's been almost seven or eight months I've been patrolling in that area, about a couple of weeks ago, I started to notice someone has been watching me on almost a nightly basis – without fail.
A woman, whose name I do not know, is there, standing at the window, its like she knows I always go there, and she watches me. She does it with secrecy, hiding behind the fabric of her velveteen drapes, even with my keen eyesight I can see her watching, I can sense her. I can see her slim fingers curled slightly around the fabric of her drapes, I can see a section of her face, illuminated by the street lights outside.
She's been watching for some time now, I don't think she's out to get me – after all, if she had been I probably would have been shot down by some bounty hunter or the police or something by now, and sometimes I wonder if I had been her, seeing a creature resembling Satan's spawn outside my window, then would I have called someone to get rid of it? I probably would have done so – if I didn't know any better.
But, she seems not interested in my capture, I think this is more observation really, I don't think she's terrified of me – not really. Maybe somewhere inside a little fear in her remains, but I think she is aware of my presence as a guardian over the city, a watcher. And she continues to watch me as I watch the city.
I've thought several times about approaching her, but what would I say to her? She might not fear me from a distance, but if I went over there, what would stop her from screaming bloody murder. What would stop her from trying to hurt me, what if things got out of control…?
The rest of humanity is not ready to accept me, why should I think this woman should be any different? Even though I feel I might be ready to go over and introduce myself – she might not be. And besides, Goliath keeps telling me that we should choose wisely who we befriend, humanity as betrayed us before – and he has grown cold to it, just as I have. I've started to build up walls to almost everyone these days, I'd rather be forlorn and jaded by the malice and injustice of the world than be hurt again, every time someone betrays me or rejects me a tiny slice of my being is stripped from me – leaving me with nothing inside except the cold empty feeling I hate the most.
If only I could pick up the pieces as easily as my rookery brothers would. If they end up with fear or rejection they brood over it and get over it quickly, me, I ponder for months on end about the simplest rejection of a human screaming as I save them from murder or robbery. Why I ponder such things, I do not know, if only I could overlook it as easily as Goliath.
So night after night, I sit, wishing for once things would different, and that I could approach her – maybe one day I can – but first I need to find out if I can trust her, and how I do it I'm not exactly sure, I guess only time will tell.
In the meantime, I will sit in wait, pondering forever more, hoping for the day that things will be different, hoping for the day I won't be alone anymore.