Author: BWAHAHAHA! I got this idea from a few polls on the Phantom of the Opera forum. This is a LONG one-shot, so…..yeah. I dedicate this to my friends Ashley and Courtney; my accomplices.
P.S. To Ashley: I don't know all who are coming to your POTO party, so I'm leaving out those other then me, you and Courtney.
Disclaimer: YESH! HE'S MINE! ALLLLL MINE! (other phangirls Punjab author) Okay…(gasp)…maybe not…(wheeze)
LET THE PHANGIRL MADNESS BEGIN!
Erik's Best Worst Nightmare
OoOoOoO
"I'm bored," Ashley said, stretching her legs out on the couch. Lisette (LEE-set) jumped from her perch on the arm of an armchair and bounces on Ashley's legs.
"Guess what!" she asked, her face radiating hyperness.
Weary sigh. "What, Lisette?"
"BANANA! HAHAHA! BANANA! Isn't it funny!"
WHACK.
Lisette ends up on the floor as Courtney and Ashley laughed at her demise.
"How rude!" Lisette said indignantly as she stood up and aimed a fake kick at Ashley, then went back to pout on her perch.
"So, what should we do?" Courtney asked.
"I know!" Ashley said. "Let's listen to the Phantom of the Opera CD."
"Yeah!" Lisette said, jumping up once again. "Let's see who knows all the lyrics by heart." She grinned foxily, having listened to the CD for about four months straight now. The other girls glared at her.
"Kidding!" she told them as Ashley put on the CD. Just as she did, both Lisette and Courtney yelled out requests.
"Number 2!"
"Number 4!"
"No. We start at Think of Me," Ashley said forcefully as she sat back down on her spot on the couch.
"Fine, be that way," Courtney fake-pouted.
They started chatting about school and movies and stuff as the CD played. But when it got to "The Mirror," Lisette got up, turned the music down and sang Erik's and Christine's words, and applied the actions, too. She got so overdramatic, and started to sing so badly that Ashley and Courtney laughed.
"Angel of Music!
Guide and guardian!
Grant to me your glory!" Lisette sang, overdoing hand motions and facial expressions, but started to really sing. Her voice was pretty good; nothing compared to Christine's, but good enough.
"Angel of Music!
Hide no longer!
Come to me, strange angel…"
"I am your Angel of Music…" Lisette sang back to herself, her face contorting into an eerie, evil possessiveness as her friends giggled. "Come to me: Angel of Music…"
"I am your Angel of Music…Come to me: Angel of Music…"
"Whoa, Lisette!" Ashley exclaimed. "How did you get your voice all low and echoic like that? You sounded exactly like…HOLY CRACKERS!"
"'Holy crackers' is my exclamation, Ashley! And I didn't sing that. It was the CD…"
"Oh-my-God-oh-my-God-oh-my-God!" Courtney said, her eyes widening at something behind Lisette.
A huge, antique-looking mirror had appeared right behind Lisette. The reflection, however, was that of a dark hallway. Lisette shrieked, and jumped back and turned around at the same time, in conclusion loosing balance and landing on Ashley. The volume of the music was suddenly turned on full-blast by some invisible hand. The overture to "Phantom of the Opera" boomed through the room, filling their very souls with dread…
"Dude!" Courtney stuttered. "I think that's—"
"An entrance to the Phantom of the Opera world!" Lisette finished, her voice squeaking with delight.
Okay, not EVERYONE'S soul…
She jumped up and ran to it, but stopped with her toes just touching the edge of it. She turned around to face her terrified friends. "C'mon you guys! Erik is waiting!"
"What if we can't find a way out? You know it always happens in movies and books and stuff," Ashley said.
"And they always find a way out in the end, so let's go!" Lisette told her impatiently. Her friends agreed, suddenly filled with joy that they were going to live the 'phangirl' dream. The three of them faced the mirror silently for a minute.
"So…who's going first?" Ashley asked.
"Wait a second!" Courtney ran into Ashley's room, where she brought out a piece of paper.
"Is that what I think it is?" Lisette asked her, an evil grin spreading across her face. Courtney nodded, a duplicate of Lisette's smile appearing on her own.
"So…who's going first?" Ashley asked.
"Um…me!" Lisette grinned, and skipped through the mirror. Courtney and Ashley eagerly followed, seeing as Lisette didn't get burned or anything when she went through. But as the three skipped down the hall, Lisette in front, she knocked headfirst into something hard…
Erik's chest, to be exact.
Her breath caught, then she turned to her two awed friends.
"We were right, he does do crunches!" her face breaking into a huge grin. She knocked on Erik's stomach with her fist. "About 200 a day, I think."
"Hah! I knew it!" Courtney exclaimed. She held out her hand to Ashley. "Pay up."
"Oh, fine," she muttered, rummaging into her pocket.
Erik just stood in shock.
"There goes one!" Courtney exclaimed gleefully, checking off her piece of paper.
"What are you doing here?" Erik hissed in his most sinister voice. The three looked at each other, then at Erik, with adoring eyes.
"WE LOVE YOU, ERIK!" they screamed, running at him. Alarmed, the Phantom of the Opera disappeared in a swirl of his cape.
"Simple, yet effective," Lisette muttered as Courtney checked off again on the piece of paper that she brought.
"What is that?" Ashley asked.
"A poll of what Erik might do if he was confronted with some of his fangirls," Courtney told her, holding the paper up for Ashley to see. Ashley's eyes widened in delight.
What would Erik do when confronted by his millions of phangirls?
1. Sing in his seductive voice and put them all to sleep, so he could make his escape.
2. Tell them he can only choose one and allow them to eliminate each other. Then teach the victor to sing.
3. Stand in shock at all the female attention as they all swoon and beg to please him.
4. Throw one rose into the mass of phans and escape as they fight over it.
5. Disappear with a twirl of his cloak, simple yet effective.
6. Alert them to the nearby presence of Raoul, observe the many methods in which they torture him.
7. Take off his mask and watch with satisfaction as half the phangirls faint. Then realize he's in trouble when the other half is not repulsed by his face at all and close in on him with loving eyes.
8. Threaten them with his fireball shooting staff if they come any closer.
9. Open up a trap door underneath them all and watch as they all land in his mirrored torture chamber.
10. PUNJAB THEM ALL!
"Ooooh…I like the sixth one.," she said.
"Me too," Lisette replied. "Now let's go down to Erik's lair."
So the three of them magically got transported there.
"That was weird," Courtney said.
"So what? We're in the Phantom's lair!" Lisette said. She pointed ahead enthusiastically. "FOLLOW THE MUSIC!"
And, indeed, there was beautiful music coming from the vast cavern that was Erik's home. The three young, rapturous, slight insane (okay, only Lisette was insane) teenagers waded in the murky water and approached the gate where Erik, the tormented Phantom of the Opera, played his mournful music on the other side of the lake.
"ERIK!" Lisette screeched. "OPEN THE FRIGGIN' GATE!"
Erik's hands landed on a sour note, and he jerked around to face the intruders. He stood up slowly, and as he walked toward them, the gate opened seemingly by itself.
"Why do you disturb my solitude? Why have you intruded on my loneliness?" he asked them, his eyes flickering in the soft candlelight.
"Synonym-ily, you just said the same exact thing," Lisette pointed out. "Okay, now that I got THAT out of my system…please, Erik! Sing to me! Oh, please, please, please! Let me be your Angel of Music! Please, can you teach me to sing?"
"NO! I WANT HIM TO TEACH ME!" Courtney shrieked.
"No, ME!" Ashley pushed in. Erik kind of just stood there, confused.
"I can only choose one," he told them.
"Aha!" Courtney exclaimed, marking on her paper. "That's three! LET'S GET IT ON!"
The three start cat fighting.
"Okay, I'm bored," Ashley said, panting. "Where's Raoul? I want number six!"
Raoul suddenly appears, looking baffled.
"YESH!" Lisette yelled. "ATTACK!" To Erik's surprise, and amusement, the three energetic teens pounce on Raoul, pulling his hair, making him listen to Carlotta, making him watch Oprah, just plain torturing him.
"Okay, I'm bored again," Ashley said. "What's something else we can do?"
"I'm bored with the list," Courtney said, throwing it into the lake (along with Raoul). "What shall we do now? Our time here is still short."
"Don't you mean; "The night is still long" or something?" Lisette asked.
"I dunno," she replied.
They were silent for a minute.
"I know!" Lisette said, perking up. "Let's give him his first Reese's, and see what happens! I have the poll right here!" She took out a piece of paper from her pocket. "Courtney, do you have Reese's?"
"Don't I always?" she said satisfactorily, pulling the orange-foil-wrapped chocolate out of her pocket. Lisette handed the paper to Ashley.
"Pick the one that you think he will choose."
How would Erik Eat a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup?
1. He would lick it slowly and gently...then mourn the loss of it when it was gone.
2. Eat it in small bits, savoring each sensation of the chocolate goodness.
3. He would just drop it down the hatch...'cause Erik doesn't like to eat.
4. He would feed it to Christine...who would be tied to a chair.
5. He would feed it to Christine and she would forever be his Angel of Music! And Sharer of the love of Reese's!
6. Feed it to his cat...because he just loves it so very much! (squish)
7. He would stare at it for a long time before cautiously picking it up, smelling it, then bite the corner of it. His eyes would get wide and he would shove the whole thing in his mouth, paper and all.
"Me and Courtney chose number 7," Lisette said.
"Okay, I pick that one, too," Ashley replied as she pushed Erik away as he tried to read over her shoulder. "NO LOOKY!"
Courtney handed him the Reese's.
"What's this?" he asked, examining it.
"A Reese's, weren't you listening?" she told him exasperatedly. "Just open it." He eyed the three of them suspiciously. He then cautiously, and slowly, peeled back the foil, revealing the mound of chocolaty goodness within as Courtney, Ashley, and Lisette watched eagerly.
He smelled it…
(Cheering)
He bit into a corner…
(Cheering)
His eyes grew wide…
(Jumping up and down in anticipation)
…And shoved the whole thing in his mouth; paper and all.
"Do you have any more of these…Reese's?" he asked, his voice slightly muffled. Courtney's grin turned into a cold glare as she put a hand over her pocket.
"My Reese's!" she told him off hotly.
"Banana!" Lisette chirped.
"Shut up!" Ashley said, whacking Lisette over the head.
"Grrrrr…" she growled.
"You lasses are weird," Erik said in a Scottish accent.
"Yay! He lapsed back to his native tongue!" Lisette cheered.
"Do you know how many phangirls have been bothering me lately?" he said wearily, his Scottish brogue coming in full blast. "Once they start singing that stupid reprise of Angel of Music at least a little bit tolerable, some stupid portal opens and I get stuck with them and their pleadings to take my mask off and to sing to them! It gets tiring after a while, singing to crazy women all the time. You know, with Christine, all I did was sing to her every once in a while, and I pretty much never spoke to her."
"And to think she left you!" Courtney muttered.
"So…what do we do now?" Ashley asked.
Suddenly, Lisette got an evil look on her face. But it was quickly replaced by an innocent, wide-eyed pleading as she walked up to Erik. Her head barely reached his chin. (A/N: Yes, I'm making fun of my shortness!)
"So Erik," she said in a cutesy voice. "Could you sing to us? Or take your mask off? Pretty please? I don't care if it's 'stranger then I'd ever dreamt it'…" He fixed her with an icy stare.
"No."
Sigh.
"Fine," Lisette said. She crossed her arms and stuck her tongue out at him.
POOF!
The three friends suddenly landed on the floor of Ashley's living room. The CD was still playing, this time "Wishing You Were Somehow Here Again."
"Well, that was pointless," Ashley pouted.
"I know," Courtney whined.
What they didn't see was Lisette's characteristic evil smile. Until they heard her cackling as well, that is.
"What is it, Lisette?" Ashley asked cautiously.
Her grin grew wider, and her eyebrows rose suggestively.
"Why don't we go on the Phantom of the Opera forum and 'suggest' to some of the people on it to gather a few of their Erik phangirl friends for a little 'party' and allow the best singer to sing a certain 'song'…?"
Ashley and Courtney developed evil grins of their own.
"Hey, I've got another idea," Ashley said. "Why don't we get a certain someone to write a certain fanfic to post on a certain site? You know…just to…spread the message, if you catch my drift?"
OoOoOoO
Author's closing note: OMG! I am SOOOOOOOOO evil! Mwahahaha! REVIEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!