A/N: Hi guys. I hope all of you are doing well.
I was having a conversation with one of my friends and the desire to write a canon-fic kind of come to me. I'm not saying that this won't have action or will distract from my other stories, it's just I wanted to write the show the way I wish it would have been.
This story is based on a one shot I did for the series The Way It Should Have Been, and several chapters might seem like word for word copies but I promise to try and differentiate them.
Anyway, enough of my rambling and on with the story. This will be a light hearted fic in which the only drama will be external. Even if it starts slow in the beginning the EO relationship will be strong throughout :)
Disclaimer: I don't own the show, because if I did the second season would be my story Prey and no one would have to write EO fics since it would be canon, lol.
This story is dedicated to my friends and fellow writers LoisandClarkSuperfan (who gave me the inspiration) and CCL13 (who gave me the idea for the plot).
Also, may I ask for a moment of silence for Chris Kyle, hero of the United States and writer of the book American Sniper. His killer has just been convicted by a Texas court and sentenced to life without parole. God bless you Chris Kyle.
Enjoy the story, and don't forget to check out my other fics Prey and Countdown.
Please review, and you'll get a sneak peek if you do :)
From the Ashes
A story by the Congressman
Chapter 1: Annihilated
The night was a calm one; the moon was a mere sliver in the sky, the stars bright and twinkling on the black backdrop that was almost like a blanket over the earth. Away from the hustle and bustle of the Big Apple the millions of residents in suburban Long Island dozed in their beds or were cuddled up with human or animal companions. Yes, with a calm night a sense of peace and tranquility was the prevalent feeling here.
For Detective Elliot Stabler however, this night was anything but calm. His mind was running a mile a minute, trying to figure out why his life had crashed and burned. Ten years ago, hell five years ago, one could look at his family and see the model of the old-fashioned American family: hard-working husband, a stay at home, committed mom, four well-adjusted kids, and all living in a nice suburban home. However, underneath the veneer it was merely a façade, a fake, a hoax. The family that to everyone seemed so perfect was doomed from the start, and it all boiled down to one thing, lack of love.
To understand the Stabler family, one had to go back and figure out how it started all those years ago. Elliot had no plans to get married; he was a high school senior hoping to get into Annapolis and get a college education there, opening his life to an array of new possibilities. However those dreams had all be crushed when his then-girlfriend, Kathy Malone, had told him that she was pregnant.
Marriage for him had not been out of love, but out of an obligation, and thusly was doomed to failure. They tried to make it work, and for twenty-one years they had done so, but absent the love it was only a matter of time before it happened. Kathy had left him, taking the kids and kicking him out. Elliot knew deep down the situation and circumstance were at fault but he couldn't help but blaming himself.
That was why the current case hit him so hard. After catching the Royce case, one that ended in a double murder/attempted murder/suicide where two of the victims were children, he couldn't help but compare the similarities. A seemingly happy family man with a wife and two wonderful children feels unloved and unfulfilled so he seeks the affections of another woman he truly loves… 'No!' Elliot blocked that thought, unwilling to bear the implications of thinking it. He needed to see his kids, needed to try and fix this broken mess that he found himself in. It was a bad option but the best of bad options; the status quo was the best he could hope for.
Hands gripping the steering wheel as tight as possible, he pulled into the driveway of his former house in Little Neck, Queens. Surprisingly though, the house was completely dark, not a single light shining through the windows. Puzzled, Elliot exited the car and headed for the front door. 'Maybe everyone's asleep? It's 10:30, so it is possible.'
Taking out his spare key, Elliot opened the front door and turned off the incessant chirping of the alarm. "Hello?" he called into the darkness. "Kathy? Kids?" Worried, he bounded upstairs to look around. No one was home; he understood Maureen and Kathleen not being here, since they were off at college, but Lizzie and Dickie were only fifteen so they should be here. The beds were all made, the lights turned off, and some of the clothes in the dressers missing as if they had gone on a trip.
This made no sense; Kathy never told him about any trip. Grabbing the phone off the table next to the bed, his and Kathy's former bed, Elliot placed a call to his ex-wife's cell phone. It rang for a few seconds before she picked up.
"Hello?" his ex-wife answered.
"Kathy. Where are you?" His voice was gruffer than usual but he didn't notice.
"Elliot? What are you doing at home? You don't live there anymore."
The frustration of the case, coupled with not being able to see his kids caused the anger to just boil out. "What do you mean I don't live here? It's my fucking house! Where are the kids?"
"Don't take that tone with me Elliot," Kathy hissed back. "Besides, I don't think you spent that much time at the house to say you lived there!"
"Answer the God damned question! Where are my kids?" Elliot hissed right back at her, wanting an answer and not backing down.
"I took them to my parent's house for the weekend. Their grandparents missed them."
"What! You did this without telling me first?"
"I don't have to Elliot. The judge gave me full custody," she said bitterly. "As long as I don't interrupt your visitation rights then I can do anything else I want. You signed the divorce papers if I recall."
"I'm their father! What if I missed them?"
He heard her scoff. "Well, where was that attitude over our entire marriage Elliot? All the birthday parties, games, recitals, and family dinners that you were never there for; do you know how many times I had to tell the kids, 'I'm sorry daddy isn't here, but I know he loves you."
That hit him like a knife to the gut. "I had to work Kathy…" Elliot hated himself for missing time with his family; he wanted to say it was not his doing but some small part of him did like going to work all the time, wanted to spend all his waking moments with her… 'No!'
"Whatever Elliot. I'm too tired to have this argument again. Goodnight." The phone disconnected with a click.
The anger subsided, replaced with a feeling of deep sadness. The last vestiges of the life he had burned until it was merely ashes. Elliot hung his head in his hands on the bed. Where could he go?
EO EO EO EO EO EO EO EO EO EO
The dull sound of a rapping on her door caused Olivia to wake from her light sleep. She raised her head and immediately groaned, her neck aching. 'Fell asleep on the couch again.' That was happening increasingly common these days, not wanting to sleep alone night after night in her queen-sized bed.
Stretching her arms in the air and cracking her back, Olivia grabbed her Glock service automatic and made her way to the door (better to be safe than sorry after all). Reaching the front door, she peered out the peephole.
"Elliot?" Unlatching the deadbolt, she opened the door. "What are you doing here? It's after One AM." When Olivia looked directly at him, she gasped; he seemed so… broken.
"I didn't know where else to go," he whispered softly, not at all resembling the hotheaded Detective Stabler she was used to. "Can I come in?"
"Of course El," she told him, wrapping her arm around his waist and leading him inside (being sure to shut and lock the door). "What kind of question is that? You're my best friend, you're always welcome." Olivia could never turn him down; the truth was as she told him all those years ago, he was the longest relationship she'd ever had with a man. Most women had someone they could look up to, someone who they loved and who loved them back unconditionally but Olivia didn't. Her father had raped her mother and all her lovers were either jerks or just for sex. The closest thing she had was Elliot and there was no way she'd ever deny him.
They sat on the couch, Olivia facing him while Elliot just stared at the wall grimly. "Elliot?" she asked, worried about him. Sure, she had seen him sad and depressed before but never like this; never, defeated.
He turned and looked intently at her, causing Olivia to gasp softly. Elliot's eyes, normally twinkling with cocky self-confidence or dark with anger were listless, the azure blue faded. "For Christ's sake Elliot, what's the matter with you?" she croaked, her heart breaking at his obvious pain.
Shrugging, her partner moved his gaze back to the wall, slumping back into the couch. "Everything," he whispered (so softly that Olivia almost didn't hear him). "The case today… my family…"
"What about your family El?" Olivia asked him, knowing that he was bottling everything up. He did it all the time, like back when he and Kathy were first going through problems. He'd crash in this apartment, not saying what happened and Olivia never pressing him even though she wanted to. 'Well not this time,' she thought. He needed to let it out. "El, please don't internalize anything, talk to me. I'm your best friend; you can tell me anything. I won't ever judge you." Comfortingly, she reached out and patted his shoulder, hoping the gesture of affection would bring him out of his shell.
It was that simple gesture, a simple act of caring that did it for Elliot. For all his life he had created walls between himself and the people he cared about, keeping his family from his job and his inner feelings from everyone. The former was about protecting his kids and his wife from the horrors of the job but they no longer cared about him. The latter was thanks to the crappy childhood curtesy of his controlling father and eccentric mother, for suppressing everything was easier than dealing with the pain. And when those walls burst they burst.
"I have nothing anymore Olivia."
Olivia furrowed her brows, confused. "What do you mean Elliot? Of course you do."
"No Liv, I don't."
"What could have happened to make you think this way?" she asked. The last time she had ever seen him like this was after Gitano, and that had been a soul crushing moment that nearly destroyed them both.
"This case, Royce lost his whole family tonight, killed in the blink of an eye. Can you imagine that? Losing everyone you care about?"
Her mind flashed to that day in the warehouse, seeing the shotgun pressed to his head with that monster's finger hovering over the trigger. "I think so," she croaked out.
"Well I did, I kept imagining the faces of the victims were my own children, gruesomely dead like that." What he didn't have the heart to tell her was that instead of Kathy's face he imagined Olivia's, the same as her face in the bus station only lifeless. "I needed to see my kids, at least just to tell them I loved them."
She was about to say something when he chuckled darkly, the kind of laugh when someone either could laugh or cry.
"But they weren't home. Kathy took them to her parent's house without even telling me."
"How could she do that?" Olivia shouted, suddenly feeling angry at Kathy. "You're their father damn it!"
"No Liv," he responded, shaking his head. "They wouldn't want me there even if they were home." At her puzzled look he continued. "My kids hate me Olivia, they all hate me. They blame me for the divorce."
"Your kids don't hate you Elliot, how can you say that?"
'Because I didn't put them first in my heart,' he wanted to say. 'Because preserving my family wasn't first, that like Royce I had someone else that I truly cared about.' Elliot couldn't say that however; he couldn't tell Olivia that. "Because it's true! They finally got tired of my actions after Kathy pulled the plug on our marriage, sick of how I never had any time for them; hell, the last time I talked to them was weeks ago. Maureen barely speaks to me, Kathleen hates my guts, and I barely see Lizzie and Dickie anymore so I can only assume they feel the same way. And the worst part, it is my fault. I do this to everyone I've ever cared about. My kids, Kathy, my mother." Olivia was near tears at how broken he sounded, how it felt like he was this close to breaking down completely and crying his eyes out. "I still don't know why you don't hate me as well. After Gitano I wouldn't blame you for it."
She couldn't let him think that, she just couldn't. He was the most amazing man Olivia had ever known and it killed her to see him feel that way. She cared about him too much; she, she, she loved him.
Without speaking, she pulled him into her arms, resting his head on her shoulder and stroking his back softly. Feeling him tense, Olivia spoke softly to him, her breath tickling his ear.
"Listen to me Elliot Stabler. You are a good man, a man who deserves the best life has to offer. I know your kids do not hate you but that is a discussion that you need to have with them. However, I can tell you this; whenever you think that you have nothing remember this. I am always there for you. No matter what you say to me or what I say to you I will always be there. You can come to me for anything Elliot Stabler because I care about you, more than you could ever know."
They sat silently for a few minutes, him pulling away and gazing into each other's eyes. Then Elliot lurched forward and hugged her again. "Thank you Liv," he whispered, emotion in his voice. "I care about you too, so much."
She smiled and lost herself in his embrace. "No need to thank me El. I'm happy to do it." They hugged for a moment before pulling away, looking at each other.
Neither one knew who made the first move, but the next thing they knew their lips were touching in a soft kiss. While a rational part of her mind was telling her to stop, Olivia ignored it and gave in to the feelings that had been building since they met, looping her arms around his neck and pulling him in.
Elliot's brain was short circuiting; she felt so good, much better than his fantasies. He knew that this wasn't proper but he couldn't help himself. With the collapse of everything else in his life she it, his only source of light in this hell that was his existence. He loved her, God he had since they first met.
Cupping her cheeks with his hands, he ran a tongue on her lower lip, begging entrance which was given. Moaning, he gently laid her down underneath him on the couch, stroking her sides softly.
'Oh God,' she thought, his touches over her t-shirt sending shocks though her body. Wanting – no needing – to feel him as well, she reached up and began unbuttoning his dress shirt. Suddenly he stopped, breaking away from her lips and looking away with shame. "El?"
"I should go," he said, not able to look her in the eye. Elliot began to pull away.
Olivia stopped him, grasping his shoulder firmly. When his eyes met her's she said, "No, stay. Please."
His heart skipped a beat at her words. "Are you sure?"
"Yes El," she nodded. "I'm sure."
A tear slipping from his eye, Elliot lifted her in his arms, carrying her bridal style to the bedroom. He deposited her on the bed and climbed on top of her.
She kissed him, picking up where they left off. Olivia wanted him, wanted him to hurry up and ease the growing ache between her legs but she knew that wasn't what he needed. Elliot wasn't feeling loved so she had to show him different. Pulling off his shirt, Olivia ran her hands down his chest and stomach, feeling herself growing wetter at how muscular he was.
Elliot groaned as he hands caressed him. Biting her lower lip, he moved his lips to her neck and started sucking on the skin behind her ear, her purrs of contentment driving him on. Slowly, he kissed and nipped his was down to her jawline and then lifted her shirt up and tossed it to the side, eyes widening as he noticed she wasn't wearing a bra. "You're so beautiful Liv," he husked, ghosting over her nipples. They were the epitome of perfection, round and supple with the dusky peaks contrasting well with the olive skin around them. Cupping them in his hands, he began to knead erotically, going by pure instinct.
Olivia blushed and moaned, arching into his touch. His hands were like fire on her skin, giving her more pleasure now than any one of her lovers had in the past. Taking advantage of his preoccupation elsewhere, she flipped him over on his back, straddling him. He gazed up at her, their eyes boring in on the others. "Let me El," she whispered, kissing him softly. At his nod Olivia began divesting them of their clothes, sensually but comfortingly as well, placing gentle kisses on every inch of his exposed skin. She bit her lip when his package came to view; Olivia had imagined it long and thick but those images in her head didn't do him justice.
Feeling his erection grow even harder at her hungry gaze, Elliot reached forward and grabbed her hips, sliding her silk panties down her long, toned legs leaving her as bare as he was. "Please Liv, I need you."
She looked at him, realizing that beyond the lust was the need for intimacy, the need to give himself fully to another person and not have his heart crushed afterwards. Olivia fought back tears at that; this man was too wonderful to deserve such a hard life; he deserved nothing but love and happiness. Leaning forward, she nuzzled his nose with hers and smiled at him. "And you'll always have me," she said, guiding herself onto his member.
The motions were slow and passionate, their mouths never leaving the other except when Elliot broke the kisses to suckle her breasts, a move that Olivia did not complain about. Their moans, pants, and purrs grew louder and louder as the pleasure built in their abdomens, Elliot thrusting harder and Olivia tightening around him. Pulling her down, Elliot nipped Olivia's neck and pushed upward, hitting a sensitive spot from a new angle. "El, God! So good!"
Her words spurred him on; Elliot sped up the pace, not so much as to be rough or frenzied but just enough to double the pleasure and make them both gasp. He licked, suckled, and bit at her neck, leaving Olivia writhing and bucking underneath him. She dug her nails along the muscular panes of his back, running them along and leaving trails of blood as he grunted and shuddered above.
Olivia's eyes rolled back, as his tip glided over her inner walls. She felt her climax coming, one much harder and more violent than ever before. Gritting her teeth, she looked into his eyes, her near blacks meeting his navy ones.
Seeing the care and lust in her eyes sent Elliot over the edge. He thrust into her one last time, grunted, and shot inside her with the most intense pleasure of his life.
The feel of his seed inside her caused Olivia to let go, the intensity of her release shocking even her. She let out a wordless gasp as she came around his shaft, Elliot's continuing thrusts prolonging the greatest feeling she had ever experienced.
They collapsed in a tangled heap of limbs and hair, Olivia resting on top of Elliot. She nuzzled into his chest, breathing in his scent. He did the same to her hair.
Elliot needed to tell her, the three words he longed to tell Olivia since they first met, "Liv I…"
Olivia needed to tell him, the three words she desired to spill out from the moment she saw him, "El I…"
Just then Elliot's phone rang, bringing them back to reality. "It could be work," she said.
"I don't want to leave," he replied, making her heart swoon.
Much as she wanted him to stay and damn the consequences, the logical part of Olivia's brain kept telling her that this was a mistake. That Elliot was vulnerable and needed comfort. That being partners prevented them from exploring a relationship that they both wanted; well, that she wanted. "You need to go El. I'll see you in the morning." To reassure Elliot she smiled softly, stroking his cheek.
"We'll talk then," he told her, kissing her forehead one last time. Elliot knew that this changed everything but for now he felt calm, relaxed. Perhaps there was new life out of the ashes after all.
EO EO EO EO EO EO EO EO EO EO
Gripping fingers let go, the piece of filth in his hands collapsing to the floor with a moan of pain. "I had to do it," Royce moaned. "They are better off, out of life's hell."
Elliot's fists clenched, wanting so much to kill the family annihilator where he lay when something came to him, something that shook him to his very core.
"I wanted to join them," Royce continued, trying in vain to justify himself and his vie act. "I wanted to die as well but I was too much of a coward, too weak!"
The detective didn't hear him, didn't hear anything anymore. All that could pass through his head were the scenes from the crime scene, the play by play of how it must have gone down. All he could think of were those scenes were him in Royce's place, his family instead of Royce's, Olivia instead of.
He couldn't breathe, staggering out of the room. "Elliot?" asked Huang, concerned for the detective but Elliot brushed him off, heading for the bullpen. Sometime since he started the interrogation the sun had risen, bathing the squadroom in light. "Sup Elliot," greeted Fin. Elliot was confused before he realized only him, Cragen, Huang, and O'Halloran knew of Royce's guilt.
Without responding he continued out of interrogation, dead to the world. "Good morning Elliot," said Munch.
"Hey Stabler," said Melinda.
"Hello," said Morales.
"Good morning El," Olivia beamed at him, the smile falling when she saw the horror in his eyes. "What happened?"
This was the second time she had looked at him like that, with concern and, love? She looked so beautiful, more beautiful than usual, just like last night. 'Last night.' The memories of the passionate moments they shared, they mixed with images of him strangling her as Royce did with his mistress. He couldn't take it.
Without a sound he padded up to the cribs, Olivia bewildered on the floor of the bullpen. Knowing what she had to do she followed him. He might want to be alone, but it wasn't what he needed; after last night Olivia knew he needed love, needed the basic intimacy that every person desired.
Entering softly, the brunette found her partner on one of the bunks, hand on his head just like last night. She had comforted him then, but the look in his eyes just before had been far worse. "El?" Nothing. "Elliot, please talk to me?" She sat beside him.
"I'm a monster Liv," he said softly, so soft she barely heard it.
Now Olivia put it together, realizing what the cryptic phrase really meant. He said the night before his family hated him and now he was equating himself with Royce. This was bad, very bad; her mind came up with only one course of action to get through his stubborn skull.
Without warning she pulled him into a hug, stroking his back. "Let it out El, just let it out."
Soon, she felt his tears on her shirt; the dam had broken, Elliot was sobbing uncontrollably, letting out the pain and anguish that he had kept inside for so long.
Olivia pulled him closer, gripping him as tight as she could. She knew they had to talk about last night, knew that there would be consequences. But for now the two detectives clung to each other, sought solace in the arms of the other.
There was no going back, no stopping. The lines that had been created so long ago were crumbling, and at that moment neither of them cared.
A/N: Ok, well there you go. Love it? Hate it? Be sure to let me know :)
So much emotion in the first chapter, but I promise things will stabilize soon. I was worried things were a little choppy. What do you think?
We'll see a talk soon, as well as more of the kids and Kathy.
Be sure to review for a sneak peek, and review my other stories Prey and Countdown as well :)
God Bless