This is what I thought happened the firt night Anna ws back in the cottage, after she moved back in. I'd like to thank A-lady-to-me for her help with the title!
She should have known she wouldn't sleep through the night. She was used to waking up because of her nightmares now. She knew without looking at the clock that it was close to three in the morning. She had hoped once she'd moved back to the cottage that they would go away. Although it had only been a month since the attack, waking from nightmares was her new normal.
What she wasn't used to however, was John's whisper. "Anna?"
"It was just a nightmare," the words came out to comfort the both of them. "Could you..." she paused, why would he want to hold her when she'd spent the last month pushing him away?
"I'll do it Anna, whatever it is." Although it was dark, she could faintly see a hand reach out to touch her, but it didn't reach her.
"Hold me?" She hated how the request came out, how scared she sounded and felt. She shouldn't be scared of her husband. John would never hurt her.
"Of course." John's tone was comforting, as he gently wrapped her in his arms. She took in a deep breath, he smelled just as he always had, like pomade, peppermints and the tangy scent of his shaving lotion. She could faintly smell the shoe polish that was kept in the main house. For a moment she was transported back to that horrible night, but John's voice brought her back to the present. "Whatever you want, I'll do it."
"Just hold me." Anna had to raise her voice a little, her face was buried in his chest.
"Of course. Oh, my darling I'll hold you for as long as you want me to."
Anna shook as she clutched at her husband. Her breathing evened out and she soon pulled away to speak. "Thank you John. I have nightmares, I'm sure they'll go away in time."
"I'm here, Anna, I'll be here through the nightmares."
Anna pulled back, confused. Slipping out of bed, she ignored John's concerned "Anna?" She quickly lit the lamp they kept in the bedroom. Holding it carefully, she brought it close to see John's face.
"Why are you crying?" She asked, completely baffled. She set the lamp on the night table on her side of the bed.
John wiped at his eyes and cleared his throat. "Before I met you Anna, I was a broken man. Shattered, even. You make me stronger, you put me back together. You and our relationship is what keeps me going everyday. I thought that it was in jeopardy, I was willing to leave Downton..."
"Don't please!" Anna interrupted him, a fresh wave of tears washing over her. She clutched at him, "Please John, please don't leave!"
"I won't, my Anna." John said, soothingly. He rubbed her back and pressed a kiss to the top of her head. "I only would have left if you want me to."
Anna shook her head, "No. Don't leave. My life is incomplete without you John, I just couldn't..." She broke off again.
John's hand continued to rub her back as he spoke. "My life is empty without you Anna, it means nothing. I was without hope when I met you. You changed that. You changed me, for the better. I 'm crying because the one person in the world who has healed me and has made me whole again has been hurt. The most perfect person in the world has been lied to and she feels that she's not worth much." His voice lowered to a whisper, "but it's not true. You are beautiful and perfect, nothing can ever change that." Anna cried quietly in his arms as he continued to whisper how much he loved her and that he would do anything to protect her mind, body and soul.
The last thing she heard before she fell asleep was John's low hum of, " you are the most wonderful woman in the world, pure and unspoiled. Nothing in the world can change that. Ever."
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