I'm not your Hero.
Regina centric; Sometimes it feels like I'm all that they've got. It's so hard to know I'm not what they want
A/N: This was born from my frustration at the way Regina's character is currently being handle. As always, for my beta and her magic.
Disclaimer: Not my sandbox.
Of course they don't come to see her when they realise Cora has made it to Storybrooke.
Their typical arrogance is completely unsurprising. Oh, they think because they defeated her once upon a time ago that good will always triumph against evil. It's something that Charming liked to remind her of, over and over again. But the thing they don't realise is that at the time she had been unhinged in her thirst for vengeance and that made her sloppy. She had been reckless in her advances, unwilling to be patient and she had paid for it
They won't be so lucky against Cora.
Cora isn't the careless girl Regina had been.
But then again, Regina isn't that careless girl anymore either. With almost three decades to sit and ponder her downfall, the clarity of hindsight was simply amazing.
When the first sign of smoke is visible from her window, she watches it curl towards the sky and knows this is only the beginning.
This town will burn, and for once, it won't be her fault.
Cora comes to her though.
Making an amazingly unsubtle attempt at manipulating her daughter to join her cause. It gives Regina pause. Cora speaks of winning Henry back, but Regina isn't delusional enough to believe that anything her Mother proposes will win back her son.
Watching her Mother try to walk into her home against the Ward she'd enchanted is completely gratifying though. Cora is thrown five feet across her lawn and lands in an undignified heap of twisted blue velvet.
And for the first time ever, Regina is the one standing over her Mother. There is surprise in the older woman's eyes and maybe just a slither of fear.
"You don't come back here." Regina says, standing tall and regal, but her eyes are unforgiving. It's a warning and a threat all in one and Regina is mildly curious if her Mother will heed it.
She does, nodding once, and disappears in a puff of dark smoke.
Regina allows herself to bask in this small victory, as much as she's so desperately wanted her Mother's love all of her life. Regina isn't a fool, and if being stuck in this godforsaken town has given her anything, its perspective. On Everything.
And she's done being a puppet.
The Evil Queen might have been predictable in her hatred.
But Regina will not be.
Besides, she's been keeping secrets from both parties involved. Nobody needs to know about the power she's regained, what The Well did to her when she brought Snow and Emma back through it.
All this magic at her fingertips and for once, Regina does nothing.
There is something gloriously uplifting about watching this battle from the sidelines.
She'd never really enjoyed going to war the first time, battling for a Kingdom she'd never wanted. All she had wanted was Snow White. The kingdom was of little consequence to her.
And maybe it's the same now. Storybrooke has never meant anything to her. It was never her home, because her home had been with Daniel. The people here had never been her friends; she'd never connected with them and had never wanted too.
She drinks her best bottle of red wine, and as she watches her mother descend upon the town from her window it almost makes her smile with delight, knowing that no one will be able to stop her. Cora's wrath will be cruel and ruthless, much worse than Regina herself had ever inflicted on these people.
This fairy tale, Regina muses, will not finish with a 'Happily Ever After.'
It's no surprise that Charming dies first.
Cora takes his heart out right in front of Snow White.
As Regina watches it through her mirror she doesn't feel anything. She should feel something. After all, isn't this what her whole life's work has been dedicated too? Destroying Snow Whites happiness?
A curious thing happens later. Much later, while she's sitting in the dark drinking to how full circle they've come. A feeling, though fleeting and completely foreign. It lodges itself in her chest, awkward and uncomfortable.
Empathy.
She has lived this. Her mother had taken everything from her. Now she's taken everything from Snow White as well and Regina feels... She feels something for the woman she so desperately wanted to destroy for far too many years. It's a while before the why dawns on Regina. Snow White, for all those years Regina despised her, had been her daughter. While the King had lived, Regina had put on quite a show of being the perfect wife. The perfect Mother. And for a long time, Snow had reacted to her as such.
Regina wonders briefly if this is the normal emotion a mother would feel towards their child.
A curious thing indeed.
Emma Swan turns up on her doorstep a day later. Red eyed and exhausted. Looking entirely like she doesn't want to be here. Well good, because Regina doesn't want her here either. She hasn't seen the younger woman since she claimed her son and then left Storybrooke with him without so much as an apology about wrongfully accusing her of murder.
Regina remains impassive, waiting on the Blonde to speak first.
"So I guess you know what happened." Emma starts, and her words are low, but angry. In that moment Regina knows she's going to be blamed for this. It's not her fault, but she's an easy target for the Blonde, "Bet you couldn't stop smiling."
She studies the woman in front of her carefully, deciding to choose her words with caution. She isn't afraid of Emma, but grief leads people to do unbelievably stupid things, and she doesn't know what she'll do if Emma decides to go that way. She doesn't want to leave Henry motherless.
"To be honest Miss Swan, I didn't feel anything one way or another. It's none of my concern." She lets her tone reflect her disinterest in this subject.
"Bullshit." Emma spits back and Regina holds her temper. Not letting herself be pulled in by the blondes aggression. She will not travel down this road with her, as much as Emma seems to be itching for a fight.
"If you've only come here to blame me for more things I haven't done," She says evenly, "Then this conversation is done. Good Day Miss Swan."
She attempts to close the door then but Emma's hand shoots out, slamming against the wood to halt its progress.
"Wait."
Regina stops, giving the younger woman an impatient look.
"You need to help us."
And even though Regina knew this was where this conversation would lead, she's still surprised by the words.
"Why?" She asks, genuinely curious.
"Because it's the right thing to do." Emma responds, not missing a beat.
Regina laughs, actually cackles like the Evil Queen Emma now knows her to be.
"Oh no, no, Miss Swan. You've gone about this all wrong." She pauses, letting her mirth settle, "Don't forget who you're talking to. You know who I am, remember? You know who I'll always be."
She waits, letting the words sink in, watching Emma recognise her own words thrown back at her. Emma had whole heartedly believed the words when she'd spoken them, Regina knows this, so it is almost comical that Emma is trying to appeal to this new found 'changed' side of Regina.
"Look Regina, I should have believed you. You wanted to change for Henry, and I should have seen that. So do this for Henry. Help us for him."
Regina didn't want to say that the blonde was pleading, but her tone was awful close. Maybe she had changed, because at that moment, Regina feels no sense of power in hearing the blonde's voice so dejected. It meant nothing. It should have meant something, but it didn't. This woman had taken the only precious thing she had. Her son. And now she felt nothing. It was that sense of nothing which spiked her anger.
"He's your son. Or did you forget that too? Henry only sees me as the Villain I am. He will never see me as his mother, or as someone that loved him and cared for him. Ten years of having eyes for only him, and it means nothing now." She steps forward then, pushing into the younger woman's personal space, letting her voice drop low and dangerous, "So don't think for one second you can manipulate me into fighting for him to earn his love. A mother shouldn't have to earn her sons love."
For once the blonde has nothing to say in response, and all that bravado she's been asserting moments ago deflates rapidly. It makes Regina think about how hard words can cut. Slice through and cause so much pain, and she'd been a master of it for years. There was rarely a moment where her words hadn't been carefully chosen for the distinct purpose of inflicting as much damage as she could.
The thing with Emma though was that she rarely thought before she spoke, and now she was paying the price for her mistake. But in the end it didn't matter. Because it all didn't mean a damn thing to Regina. She was so sick of these people dictating to her what was right and wrong. So tired of hearing what was the 'right' thing to do, when none of them thought of the consequences of their actions. They thought it was right, so it didn't matter. All of Regina's life had been filled with consequences of other peoples actions and inevitably her own, the later being her undoing, but it had be at least her own undoing.
When it's apparent Emma wasn't going to say anything more, Regina steps back and nods dismissively.
"I'm not the person you come to for help Miss Swan."
Then she shuts the door in her face.
Days turn into weeks, and it's made quite apparent (at least to Regina) that her Mother has no purpose here in Storybrooke. She wouldn't have her magic if she left, so she seems to be content just to watch the town burn. In a slow destructive way that Regina is beginning to tire of.
She should just leave, she knows this, but the masochist in her personality wants to stay to the very end and watch everything she built fall.
She hasn't kept up with the causality list, but she hears mumblings when she walks the streets at night. She hovers in shadows and takes in all the devastation she'd never really thought to cause here in Storybrooke.
She wonders what Snow White says as they bury friend after friend. Regina's sure that words like 'heroic', 'noble' and 'brave' will get thrown around. But she knows that there is nothing heroic about what has happened here in this town. Knows that the supposed 'Good Guys' have paid dearly for their self righteousness when all of this could have been avoided.
She stares up at the clock tower, which is no longer a clock tower.
What a waste, she thinks, and it leaves her feeling emptier.
She feels it, rather than hears or sees it.
A subtle shift in the atmosphere, a glitch in the cosmic map. It drags across her senses and makes her stiffen. The magic within her stirs, then falters and she can feel that something is horribly out of balance.
In that moment she knows without a doubt, that Snow White is dead.
When Emma Swan turns up on her doorstep for a second time, she's not surprised at all.
When she sees Henry standing beside her, she knows Emma is about to be stupidly predictable. It makes Regina furious. For all this woman claimed to love Henry and imply that she knew better for him, she was still making the wrong decisions.
"Cora can't get in here?" Emma asks. Her voice is raw and there are dark circles under red rimmed eyes.
"No." She answers, frowning because she knows exactly what Emma is about to do. Because if there is anyone else in this entire existence that knows what mind numbing grief can do to a person, it's Regina. She knows that it is going to lead Emma to her death, or something entirely worse.
"Good. Henry is staying here then."
Emma all but pushes Henry through the door then, and for a moment Henry looks like he's going to protest. But Regina beats him to it.
"Henry, go up to your room."
Regina looks down at her son then, and for what feels like the first time in years there is understanding in his eyes. Henry knows, he has to know what Emma is about to do. He also knows that Regina is well aware of it too, and there is a clear look of 'help me' pleading from his eyes. A son, asking for his Mothers help.
The nothingness in Regina's chest tightens. While this boy might feel like a stranger to her, she cannot turn from that. Whether he loves her or not.
She nods to her son, knowing exactly what this decision is about to cost her, but not thinking twice about it.
Henry runs upstairs then, leaving his mothers alone.
"Don't try to talk me out of this." Emma states as soon as Henry is out of earshot.
"I wouldn't dream of it," Regina bites back sarcastically.
"She can't take my heart."
"There are other ways to die Miss Swan, you and I both know that."
They both pause then, and Regina can't believe the ridiculousness of this conversation. Can't believe Emma would think that trying to avenge her parents and getting herself killed in the process is the right thing to do. For her or for Henry. As she considers the woman before her, Regina knows in an instant that she won't stand a chance in front of Cora. Regina can see the bone deep exhaustion in the younger woman and Regina has to wonder if this act of self sacrifice is really for noble reasons, or just for it all to stop.
"You Charmings are infuriating. It isn't all grand and noble to go out there and fall on your own sword. That's just sheer stupidity and I thought you knew better. Your parents were idiots Ms Swan, because they could never distinguish between doing the right thing at the wrong time, and the wrong thing at the right time. For some reason it's only us Villains that seem to have any sense of self preservation." Regina seethes, anger bubbling through her at an alarming rate because this woman has to see reason.
Emma does something completely unpredictable then, and something that Regina is not nearly ready for.
She breaks. A loud sob bubbles from her throat and she's crying on Regina's doorstep.
It's so unexpected that Regina hesitates. She expected anger and yelling, she was ready for that. But to see this woman reduced to tears in front of her is startling.
And that's when the nothingness inside of her unravels. She knows what this is too. The feeling every time over the past ten years when Henry had come to her in tears with scratched knees or bleeding elbows.
Regina may have been many things over the years, but being a mother had come to her the easiest. Instantly she knows what she has to do, what she will do to fix this.
She moves to Emma then, wrapping an arm around her and pulling her into the house. Once the door is closed, Regina wraps Emma up entirely with an ease that even surprises herself. Her hand smooths through the blonde's hair, trying to soothe her as best she can.
"I'll take care of it," She murmurs to Emma in a quiet promise, "I'll take care of it all."
And finally she feels something.
Feels like she has a reason to be in this fight.
It's surprisingly easy to coax the blonde into bed.
Emma's exhausted and she so desperately needs to sleep. Regina settles her in her bed, tucks her in like she used to do with Henry. Emma's hand reaches out blindly as Regina had moves away.
"'Gina," She mumbles, and through the fatigue Regina can here the underlying panic.
"It's okay," She hushes, and takes hold of the blonde's hand, "You're safe here. Just sleep."
She watches and waits until Emma is asleep before leaving her, Regina's mind formulating a plan and deciding on a way to proceed. It's all relatively easy actually. Because she knows her Mother is never going to see this coming.
Regina stands in the entryway of her home, and takes a moment to gather herself. Let's herself ponder the complexities of what she's about to do. Not letting the significance of this moment pass her.
It's Henrys voice that breaks her from her thoughts.
"Mom?" He questions.
It's been so long since she's heard that word from his lips in reference to herself. She feels her heart flutter in her chest unexpectedly. It warms her, makes her feel confident about her choice.
"You don't let Emma leave this house. I don't care what you have to do. But she doesn't leave her until I get back. Okay?" Her tone is hard; her eyes serious as she stares at the boy, hoping he understand's the gravity of her request.
Henry nods, just staring back at her, expecting more from her.
"Where are you going?" He asks, when she isn't forth coming, "What are you going to do?"
Inwardly his questions make her smile; so much like the little boy that she remembers.
She waves her hand over her own body, engulfing it in a haze of purple for a moment. As it dissipates it leaves her her standing in front of Henry in all her Evil Queen glory. Make up dark and heavy, hair pulled up and enough tight black leather that she should probably suffocate.
"I'm going to do what I do best." She grins wickedly, because it's so easy to fall back into this part of her personality.
To Henrys credit, he doesn't flinch at her sudden change in appearance. She knows he's seen the pictures of her in his book but never the real thing, because she has tried so hard to hide that part of her from him. However, she's done with that. This is who she is, what will always be a part of her. Henry can turn away from her, but she won't hide it anymore.
Except the strangest thing happens.
"Mom," He says, and then he is hugging her, his face buried into the velvet of her chest, "Thank you."
She freezes, staring down at the boy before her and it's like he knows. Knows what killing her Mother is going to cost her. The last part of that girl who unconditionally loved her parents will be gone and she has no idea what it will be replaced with or if it will be replaced. Henry won't be hers, not like he once was.
She will do this, and she'll still have nothing.
But in the end, she'll do it anyway.
fin