Dear Tessa,
My most beautiful, fearless, amazing love, I write to you knowing that you will never read this, but hoping that it, and the ones that follow will sustain me. I also write in secret, giving more evidence to the fact that I shall never be truly as the others in the Brotherhood are, for which I should be thankful. They can be so frightening, Tessa! I often shudder when I think of what it must be like to not see or speak or taste. To not be able to look upon beauty in awe, or to taste anything ever again, not to be able to speak my heart, though I cannot do this here anyway, my rune of quietude prevents me. But perhaps I shall someday. I shall come to you my Tessa, and we will be together again. If it only were not for one thing. I have received news of your engagement to William. It saddens me, and selfishly I hope that you can still have room in your heart for me. But I am so happy for the two of you, even if I may not attend your wedding. I have always suspected, at least for a time before you told me, that the two of you had... well if not love then at least a deep affection for each other. Did you really believe I was blind to the pain in your eyes when you looked at Will? How could you think I did not see the way the two of you avoided each other at all costs and barely spoke to each other if you were in the same room? Actions such as these send a message of two things, either love that should not be, or a great dislike. I suspected the former, though I never knew for sure until recently. It was Sophie who confirmed the lurking suspicion deep inside of my heart. We had been speaking of you and Will, and if you could ever love him. It was there in her eyes, as if she had screamed it to me, Tessa loves Will, she has tried not to, but she does. I will admit, I was angry at first, my Tessa, I wondered why after that, why you had not called off the engagement when you realized you loved Will too. When you explained it to me when we spoke that time after the battle, I knew. Oh my Tessa, not many are able to divide your heart as you have done, and I cannot imagine how hard it must be, if you still love me at all. I am happy also because the two of you will be able to find comfort and love in the face of my absence. Will will be a wonderful husband, everything I could not be for you, and more. He could also be a marvelous father if that is where fate leads. I must go now Tessa and resume being Brother Zachariah. Always remember; Wo ai ni,Tessa, I love you.
Yours Always in Love and Service,
Jem