A/N: Hey there, I thought I should share this with you :) Just a little something I wrote a few weeks ago, after having a really bad nightmare. I hope you'll like it, but beware of the feels. This isn't labelled tragedy for nothing…
Disclaimer: I don't own Merlin
Merlin knew that it was too late. Arthur was dying, right here in his arms, and there wasn't a single thing he could do. The warlock held his best friend's pale face in his shaking hands, watching as blue eyes fought hard to stay open.
"I want to… say something I've never said to you before, M-merlin…" Arthur's voice sounded strained and Merlin head to lean in in order to understand what he was saying. He saw how much pain the blonde was in, and yet he wanted to talk.
"T-thank…you…" Arthur whispered before growing limp in the warlock's arms, the hand that had rested on the side of Merlin's head slowly falling to his side. The King's eyes closed slowly, a last pained breath escaping white lips.
"Arthur, hey, Arthur!" Merlin shook his other half in panic, his throat and eyes burning like a thousand flames.
Arthur's eyes fluttered open for a split second, but they didn't look at Merlin anymore. Dull, sky-blue eyes stared into nothingness, before closing again.
For a moment, Merlin forgot how to breathe as realization set in. Arthur was dead, gone.
"ARTHUR!" The man cursed with immortality screamed in agony, hot eyes running down his cheeks. Merlin rested his head on Arthur's cold forehead, quietly sobbing. Letting himself sink into the numbing pain that grew inside his chest, Merlin pressed the corpse of the one he had lived for to his chest…
Merlin woke up with a gasp, pressing his hand to his chest in order to calm down the racing heart inside him. Cold sweat ran down his forehead and the warlock noticed that he was shaking violently.
Wet, cerulean eyes darted around nervously, trying to determine his whereabouts. With a relieved sigh, Merlin recognized his chamber with all his belongings. The panic inside him didn't want to settle, however, and the still trembling raven-haired climbed out of his bed and headed for the door.
He just wanted to make sure. He just had to see him with his own eyes. He just had to hear his heartbeat.
Merlin slipped into his boots, considering how cold the floor was at this time of the year, and sneaked out onto the hallway as quietly as he could. He didn't want to wake anyone at the middle of the night, even the Court Sorcerer couldn't get away with that.
The warlock didn't even have to look where he was going, he knew the way to Arthur's chambers better than Arthur himself. The tumbling heap of emotions inside his chest urged Merlin to walk faster and he soon found himself running, not caring about the loudness of his movements anymore.
He soon stood in front of Arthur's door, panting slightly from running all the way up here. While reaching for the handle, a thought entered Merlin's mind. Was it really okay for him to just enter? Arthur and Gwen were probably sleeping and he might wake them up… But Merlin had to see that Arthur was still breathing, otherwise he would probably break down at this very spot.
Before he even got to decide whether to enter or not, a voice behind him made the warlock jump in surprise.
"Merlin? What are you doing here? You don't plan on creeping in on Guinevere, do you?" Arthur asked mockingly with a raised eyebrow.
Upon hearing the familiar voice, Merlin could've cried in relief but he managed to pull himself together. "Arthur, you scared the living daylights out of me! And no, I was looking for you, actually." He explained while turning around, noticing that Arthur looked really tired and was holding a lit torch.
"It is past midnight, Merlin. You don't have any common sense, do you?" It was only now that Arthur noticed how terrible his friend looked, as if he had seen a ghost. Dark circles under slightly red eyes, skin even paler than usual and a slight tremble in the warlock's hands…
"Hey, are you all right? You look terrible." Arthur commented, trying not to sound overly worried.
Merlin avoided eye contact for a moment, not sure how much he should tell Arthur. "I just…had a nightmare." He mumbled, sheepishly scratching the back of his head. Expecting the King to just laugh and tell him not to be such a girl, it took the raven-haired by surprise when Arthur frowned and said:
"Do you want to talk about it?" The blonde had figured out for a fact that this dream must've really shaken Merlin up if he came all the way to his chambers in the middle of the night. He hadn't been able to sleep either, so a little company would be appreciated.
Still confused as to why Arthur was so considerate all of a sudden, Merlin simply nodded in agreement and followed Arthur down the hallway, back the way he had come from.
Soon the two men where back in Merlin's chamber, sitting on his bed. Only a few candles lit the room and Arthur had a hard time reading Merlin's expression.
"So this nightmare… It was about that day again, wasn't it?" Arthur mumbled, awkwardly breaking the silence that had settled over them.
"Yeah… I was too late, I couldn't save you… You simply died, just like that…" Merlin's voice cracked a little at the end, but he otherwise managed to remain composed. He shouldn't get so worked up over a simple dream. Arthur was alive and he would never allow him to die.
"Hey, I am here. I won't ever leave you, I promise. It was just a dream." Arthur tried to reassure his friend and slung his arms around the warlock's shoulder, pulling him closer.
"I know and it's completely unnecessary but… I'm scared. I'm scared that you'll just vanish when I look away." Merlin admitted, laying his head on Arthur's broad shoulder.
Arthur couldn't understand how he deserved to be loved so much by Merlin, after all he had been through because of him. The least he could do was comfort him after having a nightmare.
Swallowing his pride, Arthur pulled the younger one into a tight, slightly bone-crushing embrace. "Don't you dare telling anyone about this…" He mumbled, a small blush on his face.
"About what?" Merlin asked in confusion. This wasn't the first time they had hugged, so what was different now? He realized when Arthur laid down and pulled Merlin's covers over them, all the while not letting go the warlock.
"O-oh…" Merlin was surprised, but quickly settled into Arthur's arms, the warmth of his body and the heartbeat next to his ear a soothing proof Merlin wasn't alone. Arthur was alive and he wouldn't go away any time soon. Everything was fine.
"Thanks, Arthur." Merlin mumbled, the last thing he heard was a silently muttered 'idiot' before he slowly drifted off into a nightmare-less sleep.
"It is time to wake up, citizens of London! Today is the first of September and we can expect a lot of sunshine! Together with a warm 23° Celsius, a perfect late summer day awaits us! We'll start this day with something that will get everyone who's not a morning person into a good mood, 'Happy' by Pharrell Williams."
When Merlin opened his eye's he noticed that they were wet, once again. Slowly, as if he were controlled by someone else, he sat up and turned his clock radio off.
He laid back down, staring at the white, flawless ceiling above him. "It was just a dream…" He whispered, his voice sounding strained as if he had been screaming the entire night, which he probably had. It was only now that Merlin noticed his pillow missing from under his head.
It lay next to him, crumpled and stained with his tears. The warlock tried to close his eyes and go back to that dream again, imagining Arthur's warmth, his heartbeat, his hot breath on his skin. Silent tears fell from his closed eyes as he pressed the pillow against his chest again.
Outside the window he could hear the bustling of people getting to work, living their ordinary lives.
The pain his chest felt fresh and raw, as if it still were that day. Merlin had hoped that it would subside, that he would forget, start over new, find new hope. It didn't work like that, for him. He had heard so much about grieving in his many years, about how people would feel numb after a certain amount of time.
It didn't work like that, for him. He had to life through this hell until the day came that Arthur would return. Merlin knew it would come, what was the point of him living otherwise? He just hoped that he could remain insane, long enough. He had to go on, even if every step he took was like walking over broken glass.
"Why can't the dream be true… Arthur… Arthur…"
When Merlin has a nightmare, only Arthur can comfort him.
But Arthur isn't there. Arthur is dead.
And Merlin is still waiting.
Alone, caught in this endless nightmare.
A/N: A review would be highly appreciated, tell me what you liked and where I could improve :)
By DarkChain